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Rick Kaullen's avatar

Having a daily Substack plus a successful law practice begs the question, ‘“when do you sleep?”.

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TriTorch's avatar

I have an inferiority complex , but it's not a very good one.

"People tell me I'm condescending..." ● *Leans in real close* ● "That means I talk down to people. "

People say I'm narcissistic, but I think I'm better than that.

A man walked into his house and was delighted when he discovered that someone had stolen all of his lamps.

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

^ I don't get this one but I'm stealing it.

This shirt is 'dry clean only' which means, its dirty. —Mitch Hedberg

"If you're too lazy to reach the TV remote, you need to reevaluate your life." —Abraham Lincoln

"Use the force, Harry!" —Gandalf

I quit my job at the helium bottling plant because I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

Why does one get in trouble for WRECKless driving?

I made a new word up! It's 'Plagiarism'.

This is my step ladder, I never knew my real ladder

I discovered a substance that had no mass, and I was like "0mg!"

Ship Captain: We are sinking, I repeat we are sinking! ● German Emergency Call Receiver: What? what are you sinking about?

Why couldn't the lifeguard rescue the hippie? Because he was too far out, man.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. —Steven Wright

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. —Steven Wright

I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

The menu said "Breakfast any time" so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

How did we know communism was doomed from the beginning? All the red flags.

A skeleton walks into a bar and says "Gimme a beer and a mop."

An Irishman walks out of a bar

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