☕️ TAKING THE FIELD ☙ Friday, November 13th, 2026 ☙ C&C NEWS 🦠

A $20M Democrat shell with no website; Jensen Huang's three-affair exit and a sordid spy story without qualifiers; El Salvadorian robot dogs take Haiti's skull-strewn stadium; and more.

Good morning, C&C, it’s Friday the 13th! But since we’re not Haitian gangs, we don’t subscribe to superstition. Your Friday roundup includes: the Washington Post reluctantly reports a brand-new $20 million Democrat shell company with no website, no office, and no staff; conservatives fracture again; Nvidia’s Jensen Huang goes from stock-market darling to triple-affair cautionary tale while the media forgets every qualifier it ever used for Eric Swalwell; and Bukele’s troops take Haiti’s national stadium with robot dogs and find human skulls inside, plus more.

🌍🇺🇸 ESSENTIAL NEWS AND COMMENTARY 🇺🇸🌍

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One imagines an editor held at gunpoint. On Wednesday, the Washington Post reported a most unlikely story to grace its weathered pages, headlined, “Democratic group illegally hid its donors, watchdog alleges in FEC complaint.” The subheadline added, “United Futures Inc. is accused of being a shell organization set up to illegally conceal donors’ identities by funneling money to donate to Democratic super PACs.”

The WaPo spared no expense, if ‘expense’ is the right word, in limiting the story to five full paragraphs. That’s it. Had it been a Republican scheme, there’d have been a magazine-style exposé with multimedia graphics and an interactive dashboard with an in-browser game allowing readers to create sham corporations and battle against each other. But for some reason, however parsimoniously, the progressive platform did report this eye-popping story.

It was a brand-new shell. “United Futures Inc. registered as a corporation on Aug. 12,” the article explained, “and spent nearly $20 million over the next two months to boost Democrats in the midterms, making it one of the top megadonors of the 2026 election.” (According to a linked WaPo analysis, George Soros was the top Democrat megadonor, at a modest $102 million. Mike Bloomberg came in 4th at $84 million, and Epstein pal Reid Hoffman 6th at $41 million.)

According to a complaint filed by a nonpartisan watchdog group, United Futures Inc. apparently had $20 million but no website, office, or fundraising staff. UFI’s one-page Delaware filing was signed by top political operative Alana Mounce, who’s served as director of the Democrat National Committee, supervised the Harris campaign, and worked in the Autopen White House. She also formed one of the main four Super PACs that UFI gave money to. All four Super PACs were created during a 10-day window between August 17 and 27. All four shared the same mailing address: POB 15845, Washington DC, 20003.

Mounce is a tool. She’s no billionaire.

The watchdog complaint pointed out that election law (52 U.S.C. § 30122) bans making any contribution in another person’s name, knowingly allowing one’s name to be used, or knowingly accepting such a contribution. The complaint claims UFI was not an independently functioning organization deciding how to spend its own resources. Rather, it was a conduit supplied with cash to make untraceable political contributions while substituting its name for the actual funders’ names.

This is a classic example of what everybody calls “dark money.” It’s the same thing many people claim ActBlue was up to with its ‘smurfing’ operation. Perhaps naively, we thought Democrats would be hamstrung since ActBlue was under investigation. It appears they found other ways. I’d bet a Bucc’ees brisket sandwich this is the tip of a polluted iceberg.

Why might someone want to use dark money, instead of just donating directly to a Super PAC? The most glaring possibility is that the money came from an illegal source, like a foreign billionaire, the Chinese Communist Party, or UAP aliens. It doesn’t matter, though, since giving dark money is already illegal.

🗳️ As the long week wore on, I noticed conservatives are back at it again. The classic “MAGA fracture temptation.” They’ve been savaging each other and leveling claims of selling out and betrayal, this time fighting over whether people believe the blue tsunami was produced by voting machine fraud or deep-state NGOs. The fraud folks are outraged by the NGO claimants ignoring the statistical signs of cheating, and the NGO people call the fraud claimers useful idiots letting the bad guys get away with it.

Here we go again! It must look very strange from the outside. This is like when conservatives who wanted the Kennedy FDA to crack down on vaccines fought with conservatives who wanted the Kennedy FDA to crack down on vaccines faster. Or when conservatives who wanted the White House to stop Chinese student visas battled conservatives who wanted the White House to stop Chinese student visas faster.

Everyone! Get a grip. More than one thing can be true. Of course we should be exploring all options. If someone wants to follow the NGO thread, why not let them? Or even encourage them? Same with the possibility, however hard to imagine, of national voting matching tinkering? Run it all down. But, for dark money’s sake, everybody stop fracturing.

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This story intersects with all the biggest stories going: artificial intelligence, the stock market boom, China-Taiwan, Eric Swalwell Syndrome, and billionaires with self-destructive sexual appetites. This morning, CNBC reported, “Trump calls Huang saga a ‘horrible thing’ and ‘so sad to see.’” My friends in the financial world are depressed, and for good reason. The unthinkable just happened. This is the 2026 version of finding out the unsinkable Titanic just sank on its maiden voyage.

To say Nvidia’s now-former CEO Jensen Huang, 63, was a stock-market darling is like saying Old Testament Jacob had a slight bias in favor of his son Joseph. It leaves out all the awful menace of future dreadful consequences and the whole rainbow coat thing. Wall Street blessed Huang’s iconic black leather jacket, then bowed down to an eye-watering $6 trillion valuation, making Nvidia one of the biggest equities in the market. Investors loved Huang so much that, and I am not making this up, Nvidia never made a succession plan. Ruh roh.

In October, Huang told Bloomberg he hoped to keep earning his keep “20 years from now.” My goodness. He didn’t get 20 years. He got about 20 days. Famous last words #613.

For reasons not entirely clear, the assassins’ long knives were drawn from their sheaths late last week. Like Joseph in the classic Biblical story, Huang was thrown into a (proverbial) pit and sold to slavers. The New York Times dramatically reported from anonymous sources that U.S. intelligence had concluded his Asian mistress, Alice Huang, a former Megaspeed managing director, was actually working for China. The story said US intelligence had been surveilling her comms for a year.

Huang admitted the affair to staff on Sunday. On Wednesday, the Times reported a second affair, this one with an Nvidia executive who reported to him. Yesterday he resigned. Following an emergency board meeting, the company’s CFO is now running the most important chip company on earth.

So far as I can tell, apart from consensual adult activities, the problem is completely unproven allegations that the Chinese mistress ‘seduced’ Huang into illegally selling restricted Nvidia chips to China, for use in its AI development. This is complicated, but the gist is that nobody has alleged any actual illegal activity. Nvidia was cleared to sell its chips to Alibaba, a Chinese Amazon-clone, in Southeast Asia. The Administration has also granted case-by-case chip sales after taking a 25% cut. So … why would China even need a spy?

Late yesterday, CNN confirmed the spy allegations are shaky. “It doesn’t mean she wasn’t a risk,” it lamely offered, doubling the size of its headline by building in that weak defense.

This is why some people smell a rat. Huang wasn’t taken out by the chip sales claims, which have never been formally made. They aren’t sure if the mistress is a spy. The public reason is only the affairs. To be fair, they are multiplying like rabbits at a Cialis-sponsored yacht party. Yesterday, Reuters reported a third affair with an as-yet unnamed woman.

The ladies are practically somersaulting out of the server closet.

🔥 Huang’s resignation in the face of even three affairs remains confusing. Nobody’s alleging abuse. It’s not like he was Hobby Lobby’s CEO. He’s one of the richest men in the world, controlling the most powerful and important chip company on Earth. Lori Huang, who’s been married to Jensen for 41 years, has made no public comment. He is allegedly “good friends” with President Trump. Yesterday, the Times claimed Trump had urged Jensen to “fight for his job:”

Huang is catching up, but he still trails Tesla’s Elon Musk, who has at least 14 children by four women. Yet the media treats Elon with mild disapproval, like he’s a weird, old-school Mormon or a ‘polycule’ leader. I suppose you could say Elon’s badly lagging King Solomon, who the Bible reports as having had 700 wives and 300 concubines. He must have been very tired. Just imagine the interview process.

This proves you can give a man unlimited wisdom and fathomless riches, and the first chance he gets, he’ll still turn the decision-making over to the little king.

The Cut offered yesterday’s most amusing headline, featuring a funny riff on “time management strategies of top tech executives.”

Regardless of whether anybody was a Chinese spy, it’s a great question. Maybe Jensen’s next career will be hosting a time-optimization podcast.

🔥 The markets reacted to Huang’s resignation with shock and horror. They never imagined clean-cut Jensen, with his smart black jacket and White House connections, could be at any risk of a triple-affair, Eric Swalwell-style scandal. They kept snapping up shares that analysts warned were wildly overvalued, and the share price kept climbing, defying the analysts. Rinse and repeat. Many investors, including big institutional ones, held oversized parts of their portfolio in that single stock.

Now all they have is a bloody, mono-colored jacket. The man is gone. On Thursday morning, Nvidia shares fell as much as 16%, and its market value fell below $4 trillion for the first time since 2025. The stock had been the market’s surest bet. By breakfast, at least six analysts had downgraded it badly.

Evercore cut its price target from $465 to $186, as if Jensen’s signature leather jacket had been holding up about $280 a share. Bernstein slashed its target in half. Dan Ives, the industry’s loudest Nvidia booster, even put a number on Jensen himself: $300 a share with him, $225 without, which makes him personally worth about $75 a share.

This month, the stock has dropped 27% and lost about $1 trillion in value, roughly on par with the Netherlands’ entire annual GDP.

Throughout the day, the stock narrowly avoided a financial apocalypse, recovering most of its losses and ending the day down about 4.5% overall. But it remains down 39% since its October peak of $243 a share. Yesterday it scraped the sandbar at $148, narrowly avoided sinking, and ended afloat but bruised at $166. It’s been a harrowing ride for big Nvidia investors.

Curiously, over the three months ending November 11, corporate insiders dumped $968 million in Nvidia stock and bought nothing. I have no idea what, if anything, this means. There could be other reasons. So I’m just saying.

🔥 Finally, let’s contrast Huang’s public crucifixion with how corporate media treated Eric Swalwell. For ten years, the coverage was careful. They used words like “suspected,” stressed that no wrongdoing was alleged, and lauded his “cooperation.” Democrats kept him on the House Intelligence Committee, the panel that oversees America’s spies. Nancy Pelosi called attacks on him a smear. His mistress fled to Beijing. (A decade later, he’s finally under DOJ investigation.)

Huang’s case is nearly identical, except for the two men’s political affiliation. Huang’s scandal is actually less damning than Swalwell’s case. There’s a murky, unproven spy allegation, no espionage charges, no smuggling charges, no “me too” claims, and a company statement that no secrets were compromised. In February, Singapore found “insufficient evidence” to prosecute the mistress. Yet the headlines say “Chinese spy,” usually without any qualifier, and the whole story treats her guilt as settled, even though it’s only based on a handful of anonymous reports.

Happily, I don’t own any Nvidia shares. (Apologies to those who do.) The stock will probably be fine, once a suitable permanent CEO is found. It seems good that we are enforcing ethical norms on billionaires, even if they do dress down in black bomber jackets. But you could cut the hypocrisy with a knife and serve it on plastic plates.

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Let’s check in on how things are going in Haiti, where UN peacekeepers failed to stop gangs for thirty years. Yesterday, the Haitian Times reported, “Haiti, Salvadoran forces retake Sylvio Cator Stadium from gangs, Bukele says.” Imagine a country so fallen that murderous gangs take over the national soccer stadium and use it as a fort for two years. Now it’s El Salvador’s base.

Yesterday, Haitian police and the special forces President Bukele sent to Haiti retook the Sylvio Cator national stadium in Port-au-Prince, which gangs had held since 2024. Haiti’s police say they took it in a predawn raid and then handed it to El Salvador’s military. (Uh huh.) Bukele posted the video on X —in Haitian Creole— and announced the stadium will become their base for pushing “deeper into gang-controlled territory.”

It’s creepy. Bukele wrote, “we found several human skulls inside the stadium.” Voodoo. Think human sacrifice. This is just a few hundred miles off Florida’s coastline. Until recently, Haiti was a Royal Caribbean cruise stop. “Haiti’s gangs are satanic, and it is public knowledge that they perform human sacrifices,” Bukele tweeted on October 23. (He also said every soldier who enlisted is a believer, that they’ve “entrusted this mission to God.” I don’t think he’s being rhetorical.)

The Useless Nations could do nothing to stop it. I’ll wager that within six months we’ll discover the gangs were funded by international ‘humanitarian’ NGOs using grants for “community violence reductions.” Who wants to bet me?

Actually, don’t bet me. It only took me two minutes of googling to find the dots. For example, here’s a headline from a 2016 article published in the Journal of Peacebuilding and Development:

“You have to be a gang member to get a job as (an aid) supervisor,” the article explained, quoting locals. Of course. Anyway, what the UN made worse for decades, wasting billions on Voodoo gangs, the Salvadorans are correcting in days.

Salvadoran soldiers are now clearing out the stadium —hopefully using exorcists— and building a base of operations there. The story couldn’t get much crazier. According to confirmed reports, the Salvadorans are deploying robot dogs armed with machine guns. They’ll soon be chasing gang members around. I doubt sticking pins in dolls will help much this time. Dystopian technology collides with the ancient occult.

“We will establish a base of operations at the stadium to advance from there into gang-controlled territories,” Bukele said. “We now have the advantage over the field,” he added, coining a neat turn of phrase. Field of battle, soccer field; it works both ways.

Play on.

Have a fabulous Friday! Coffee & Covid will return tomorrow, like a trusty robot dog chasing a Haitian gang-banger, with another shipment of essential news and caffeinated commentary. See you then.

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