☕️ Coffee & Covid ☙ Thursday, June 9, 2022 ☙ THE INSURRECTION REVUE 🦠
A preview of the gala J6 Committee event; Philly democrats head to jail for voter fraud; Republicans object to the dems J6 producer; more mysterious celebrity deaths and illnesses; and more...
Happy Thursday, and good morning C&C! It’s another fine day in the pandemic, or post-pandemic, or pre-pandemic, or whatever this is. It’s good, that’s all. Today’s informative roundup includes: a preview of the gala J6 Committee event tonight; several Philly democrats head to jail for voter fraud; Republicans object to the dems’ stage manager for their J6 TV event; another mysterious sudden and unexpected death; both Biebers now have sudden and unexpected weird health problems; China points the finger at the U.S.’s hypocritical disinformation board; and Putin points the finger at Joe on inflation.
🗞*COVID NEWS AND COMMENTARY* 🗞
🔥 An anonymous source who knows somebody that used to work for a guy who had lunch with a top official gave me an insider preview of the dazzling! spectacular! eye-popping! electrifying! house January 6th Committee live television event tonight at 8pm Eastern Standard Time. It’ll be carried live on ABC, CNN, ESPN 6 (until Japanese golf starts at 9:15), OutTV, and BBC 3. The Huffington Post website will live-stream the show adding the news blog’s own special brand of over-the-top analysis.
My source said the show will begin by creating history with the largest trans dance review ever broadcast on live television, and I have been assured that it will be a celebration of ALL body types, so throw your crusty, dusty, worn-out notions of beauty right into the recycler (remember to rinse first!).
Next up will be a celebratory vignette of ovary-person-hood, featuring a candid slideshow of feminist superstars Liz Cheney, Nancy Pelosi, and Sheila Jackson-Lee — in their natural bodies in different environments affected by climate change, like Nancy Pelosi’s gourmet kitchen. I have also been told there’s a chance that committee chairperson Bennie Thompson will read kids a gender unicorn book while wearing a never-before-seen special surprise outfit that he’s only been brave enough to wear at home before now. (I heard it depends on whether he can still squeeze into the, er, liberating getup.)
After that, the real show starts.
The screens will fade to black, and ominous rumbling bass will build in intensity while Adam Schiff begins dramatically narrating over the theme song to the Empire Strikes Back. “In the beginning was a Democracy.” Then a tiny twinkling ball of light will appear in the middle of the black screen.
Schiff will continue narrating somberly, “And the Democracy was good. But an evil being saw the Democracy, and was jealous, and wanted to destroy it.” A tiny animated devil will appear and start chasing the little point of light around the screen with a pitchfork.
Shiff’s voice will harden. “So the evil being was mean and rude to people on the internets and wore an offensive red hat all the time. And Democracy was damaged, but it survived. And Democracy elected a light-bringer to oppose the evil one.”
A Joe Biden “I did that!” animated sticker will start chasing the little devil, stopping it from chasing the democracy light. A princess wand will spring into wee Biden’s outstretched arm, and he will start zapping the devil with miniature numeric digits, formed like gas prices.
Then narrator Schiff will build to a frenzied conclusion: “And when the evil one saw the light-bringer had been elected by the people, the evil one became desperate, and he made … AN INSURRECTION!”
Then the black screen will explode in light, flashing short clips of videos of angry voters pushing into the Capitol building, with each clip shrinking and falling into a wall of tiny moving images in the background until there’s hundreds of them blanketing the screen, set to the ominous theme music from the movie Halloween, all layered in with scenes of civil war battlefields showing stacked corpses, bones, piled up rifles, and burning crosses.
I could go on. And I really want to, because this is so much fun, but you get the idea. It’s going to be great! It’s going to be the most breathtaking, grandiose, astonishing television event in history, if House democrats can pull it off, which they really, really need to — because many, many people are completely sick of their high-handed, autocratic, economy-dismembering nonsense. Covid-level sick. Monkeypox-level sick.
🔥 Former U.S. Representative Michael J. “Ozzie” Myers, no relation to the horror-movie serial killer, but who was expelled from Congress and went to prison for his role in the 1970s “Abscam” bribery scandal, pleaded guilty Monday to stuffing Philadelphia-area ballot boxes with fraudulent votes — for years — to help elect democrat candidates.
Specifically, Michael Myers pleaded guilty to violations of election law, conspiracy, bribery and obstruction. Prosecutors had evidence that Myers stuffed ballot boxes in elections for at least between 2014 and 2018. He also confessed that he’d bribed elections judge Domenick Demuro to add votes for Myers’ candidates, for as little as $300 and as much as $5,000.
I guess that’s what an elected office in Philly costs, if you want to buy one. Three hundred bucks when it’s on special.
For his part, Demuro also confessed and pleaded guilty of accepting bribes to cast fraudulent ballots and certifying false voting results, back in the summer of 2020.
Now. Forget all about this story. Elections fraud is a kooky rightwing conspiracy theory. It NEVER happens! Do you understand, dummies? Because shut up.
🔥 In an article headlined, “House Republicans Question Former News Executive’s Work for Jan. 6 Committee,” CBS News reported yesterday that House Republicans sent a notice letter to Committee co-chairs Zoe Lofgren (D) and Bennie Thompson (D), informing them that the employment of a former TV producer to help put on a gala show tonight violates all kinds of House rules, regardless of whether the producer is being paid or is just a volunteer.
Well, of COURSE it violates the rules. But so what? Rules are for the angry voters who pushed into the Capitol to protest the election, not for Committee members or George Floyd rioters. Please, be serious.
💉 Tragically this week, General Hospital stars Jack and Kristina Wagner suddenly and unexpectedly lost their youngest son, Harrison, 27. Los Angeles police found Harrison in a local parking lot on Monday and he was pronounced dead at the scene. The cause of death is currently under investigation and marked as “deferred.”
The LA coroner’s office told Fox News that “‘deferred’ means that after an autopsy, a cause of death has not been determined and the medical examiner is requesting more investigation into the death, including additional studies. Once the tests/studies come back, the doctor evaluates the case again and makes the cause of death determination.”
Prayers for Wagner’s parents, who must be experiencing the worst possible kind of grief right now.
💉 Also pray for the Bieber family, which is also having a very difficult year so far. First, Hailey Bieber recently experienced a sudden and unexpected stroke and mysterious blood clots. Yesterday, Justin Bieber disappointed Toronto fans by suddenly and unexpectedly canceling his concert at the last minute. By way of explanation, Bieber tweeted, “I’ve done everything to get better but my sickness is getting worse. My heart breaks that I will have to postpone these next few shows (doctors orders).”
On Wednesday, Bieber posted on instagram that he is suffering from both Lyme Disease — an autoimmune problem — AND ALSO chronic mononucleosis. He said, “I have been recently diagnosed with Lyme disease,” and also said he has “a serious case of chronic mono which influenced my skin, brain function, vitality, and general wellness.”
My gosh. What are the odds that a healthy young couple with excellent medical care could BOTH fall prey to such bizarre, rare, unrelated afflictions?
Mayo Clinic experts interviewed for one story about Bieber’s Lyme diagnosis explained “certain men and women who get Lyme are more prone to produce an autoimmune reaction that results in their own symptoms but more study is necessary.” Autoimmune. Where have I heard that before, hmm?
Lyme is considered to be incurable. I don’t even know WHAT to say about CHRONIC mononucleosis. Or having them both at the same time. It sounds perfectly awful.
🔥 Dictatorial communist superpower China accused the US yesterday of spreading disinformation and hurting ordinary people, and launched a rhetorical Scud missile at the US’s now-paused Disinformation Governance Board.
Among other remarks, the Chinese official explained, “It makes sense that the Disinformation Governance Board faces skepticism since the US government itself is the top spreader of disinformation… The US government is apt at selecting and distorting facts, deliberately omitting the source of information, and polarizing public opinions, so as to confound right from wrong and mislead the people in their judgment.”
It’s really a shame that our Administration is giving our enemies such easy opportunities to accurately criticize the U.S., which completely undermines our moral authority to complain about anything anyone else is doing. We really need to get our act together and stop disinforming everybody.
🚀 *THE MINORITY REPORT* 🚀
🚀 ZeroHedge ran a story late last week headlined, “Putin Says US Decision To Print Money Is Behind Soaring Food Prices.”
Now, I have been informed by no less a luminary than White House Resident Joe Biden that inflation was caused — not by him — but by Putin, because Putin invaded Ukraine. True, I can’t figure out how Russia’s invasion of Ukraine could possibly cause inflation over here in the U.S., but I trust Joe. He never lies. I know, I know, he said if you took the jab you won’t get covid. That was a mistake, dummies.
ZeroHedge reported that Putin attended a TV interview last Friday evening, after meeting with African leaders. So much for the U.S.-fueled rumor he’s a shut in, dying of brain cancer. Anyway, in the interview, Putin accused Western leaders of trying “to shift the responsibility for what is happening in the world food market.”
Joe? Shifting blame? Come on, man.
Putin continued, explaining that “restrictions imposed by the US and its allies against Russia and Belarus will only exacerbate the looming global food crisis by affecting fertilizer trade and sending the food prices further up.” That’s defamation. Our top experts like Chuck Shumer came up with those sanctions. There’s NO WAY they could backfire on us.
Then Putin said that the “root causes” of the inflation and food crises lie with the US’s decision to print record amounts of money, which inevitably led to an increase in global food prices, not to mention Europe’s over-reliance on kooky green renewable power and short-term gas contracts, which have led to price hikes and concurrent inflationary pressures.
Now, Putin makes a certain amount of sense, because I can totally see how sanctions on gas and fertilizer could backfire, since the world depends to an impressive extent on Russian gas and fertilizer, and if that source of supply is shut down, the laws of economics tell us that in the short term prices will spike and scarcities will occur. That’s economics 101. It’s a law of economics. A “law,” not a theory.
I also get how spiking gas prices could inflate everything else, due to the fact that gas is used to transport almost every other commodity. And those rising commodity prices then roll right into just about all other goods and services. So, Putin’s clever rhetoric does seem logical. But maybe logic isn’t what we need here. Right? Why use logic?
Finally, the Russian president is also right about the money. It is also basic economics that when you freely increase the SUPPLY of money, by printing more, the value of the existing money falls. That’s been a fact since, I don’t know, whenever they started using shiny rocks and shells as a placeholder for value. There’s millions of historical examples. And printing money has NEVER EVER increased the value of the currency. So.
But despite all that, I trust Joe. That guy exudes competence. Just watch him stumble up the stairs to Air Force One. And he obviously knows what he’s doing. True, he might not know where he IS a lot of the time, or even whether he’s the president or Kamala is, but on the big decisions, well, I mean … sorry, I forgot what I was saying.
Have a terrific Thursday and we’ll re-convene tomorrow for a critical review of the gala superspectacular House J6 production event!
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