In the early 90's the Karens of my children's elementary school were soliciting for winter coats for low-income children. But they specified that the coats had to be brand-new. My children were wearing hand-downs and thrift-store winter coats. ???? Instilling in poor children a sense of entitlement.
In the early 90's the Karens of my children's elementary school were soliciting for winter coats for low-income children. But they specified that the coats had to be brand-new. My children were wearing hand-downs and thrift-store winter coats. ???? Instilling in poor children a sense of entitlement.
Exactly! I stopped donating to local causes like “A Gift for Every Child”, in which an ‘underprivileged’ child’s name, age and gift preference was placed on a card on the Christmas tree. They asked for expensive, brand name gifts, things I didn’t buy for my own children. I never thought that a PlayStation was a necessary thing in our household.
And this entitlement mentality has been fostered for at least 30-40 years, so we have a generation of those folks, expecting that ‘someone’ will provide not only their needs, but their wants as well.
Yes, I have seen far too much of this as well. It’s all because of the desire to make sure kids are “not being left out” or “not being made fun of” because they don’t have “what everyone else [meaning the “popular” kids] has.” I wish we could focus the mindset more on not being so superficial and not judging based on possessions. I hate how this all feeds into and encourages that mentality 😕
This is the left’s MO. If everyone doesn’t have something, no one should. Remember the “studies” showing that kids from happy families had an unfair advantage over kids who weren’t? It was a NYT article, and suggested kids from unhappy families should have lower educational standards (hoops and challenges to jump) and be given other advantages like scholarships and such. The left tries to “level” everything but all it does is capsize the ship.
In my small town everyone knew who was on welfare and the families who were always had the nicest newest bikes for the kids and brand name clothing (among other things) 🤔 Whereas working poor families had hand me downs and thrift store items.
That was me - and to this day I'm still a thrift store shopper and advocate. I've studied fashion and imaging consulting for years and I know how to dress. People always compliment me on my sense of style and they are often shocked when I tell them I shop at thrift/consignment stores. Sometimes I can't believe what people give away or consign. I actually made a business out of it when I decided to owned and operated a ladies consignment boutique for nearly 20 years. I made a pretty good living selling used clothing and accessories so I'm thankful for the experience I received because I was raised as a poor welfare kid. I did not remain on the welfare system - I was on my own from the age of 17 and was an entrepreneur - the thought of having a boss didn't sit well with me at all.
I have many expensive items of clothing - one of my favorite suits is 3-button navy Brooks Brothers suit that I paid $50 for at an upscale consignment store. (It was at least $900 when new.) My suit wardrobe includes Calvin Klein, Ralph Lauren and many others. All purchased second hand.
At this moment I'm wearing a navy Lacoste polo shirt, some Tabasco khaki shorts and Sperry Top-Siders. All purchased used - but many of which are still with the original tags.
I realized a long time ago, that except for a brief moment, all clothes are used clothes. It's stupid to waste money on brand new designer wear when you can buy the exact same items for like 60-90% off.
Buying "gently worn" used is tougher for men than women, at least in our semi-rural area. Men wear stuff until it disintegrates ... whereas some women think "Oh, I cannot wear that again, I've been seen in it already!" and donate it.
And before y'all label me a sexist for that observation, it was made by my wife and not by me. She has a spiffy wardrobe of quality casual stuff (most looking like it was worn once) bought for pennies on the dollar at thrift shops.
You are not a sexist - you are absolutely right - my husband says the same thing, especially of more rural areas. When we go to the big cities we always source out the thrift/consignment stores and he finds great stuff there, but obviously I find way more, that's just the way it goes. Thanks for sharing. Cheers!
Thanks, Fred. More thoughts on this, but won't go into them now. However, in my mind, the same is true for used cars. Only twice in our married (52 years) life have we bought a new car--and then, only because the new car had what we needed (1978 Subaru--still could use less-expensive leaded gas and then, 1987 Ford Aerostar--because with 3rd baby, we needed a larger vehicle, and only the Aerostar [which proved to be something of a lemon] had the leg room needed by a tall husband.
Exactly!!! And good for you for figuring that out. I just bought a pair of embellished Brazilian Rox Jeans at a consignment store that still had the original price tag of $380 on them - I paid $40. Yey!
That’s great and I admire that you have gotten such great finds. I have found that it takes so many visits to the second hand shops and so much time combing through the “junk” that I just don’t have the patience nor do I want to spend the time.
Yes--on my return to 'teaching', with need for professional dress, I found the tony Phila suburb Bryn Mawr Hospital Thrift Shop tp be the "once and done". Colleague , envious, remarked on my appearance--how to? Answer: I purchase clothing pre-chosen by women of taste and means.
I actually buy most things online these days. I have done Thrifting, but you're right - that's time consuming and often results in not finding what you're after.
Online I can search for exactly what I'm looking for, and specify if I want "New with Tags,' or the exact color, brand, etc.
I love that! You used your experience in a positive way and gained useful knowledge and insights. The people on welfare in my town (which was tiny so everyone knew everyone else’s business) were the definition of deadbeats. Didn’t work, didn’t want to work, perpetually on the government dole. While do many around them worked really hard and struggled 😕
It was that perception that made it embarrassing for me to use food stamps and medicaid for my son while I was in college as a single mom. But I did it to give him and me a better future. Not all ppl were deadbeats...I still worked 16-20hrs a week holding down a 20+ hour curriculum. And I paid my loans all back (only borrowed 30k for pharmacy school). Paid back those food stamps and any medicaid he used via taxes many many times over. My caseworker used to tell me she wished she had a hundred ppl like me instead of what she usually deals with. But yeah. An atypical example for sure. Still was embarrassing tho. And I still went without because my income was such I only qualified for a small stipend. I was a lot skinnier then. 😉
Key word, you were embarrassed! It used to be that people that had to take a handout or up, were ashamed. I don’t see that anymore. I see those taking and scamming at the same time, instead of working. And if you are on assistance, I’m thinking nails and eyelashes and cell phones might be a tad expensive for the likes of those people. But apparently, it’s now a sense of arrogant pride.
Why feel embarrassed when your money comes from a nameless, faceless bureaucracy? It was different when, in the past, charity had to be taken from people you knew, and who may not have had much to give. That's the worst part of it.
Exactly!! When it was neighbors there was a sense of accountability. It helped build ties and also keep people honest to only ask for what they needed.
Back then, you got a coupon book of actual "food stamps" which is where the term came from. It took time to count them all out as they came in various denominations like money but they were glued into a booklet. Everyone around you could see what you were doing, knew what it was, and gave the stank eye as you used them. There were no cell phones to own, no debit cards, just checks, cash and credit cards which I didn't have. Even the cashier would glare. I wasn't even buying steaks believe me as I needed meals for a growing boy I bought fruit, vegetables, hamburger, chicken, eggs and milk.
You are the kind of person I am happy to help! It’s meant to be a temporary help not a way of life. I know the reality of generations on welfare from growing up where I did and seeing it first hand, and that’s my objection. The problem with the system is that it is more designed to enable that than give an incentive to get off the program. As your caseworker seemed to acknowledge 😕
I shop at thrift stores. I wear new/like new Chico’s, Talbots and other brands of upscale clothing. I’ve also found some nice antiques. I recently purchased a stapled plate from the 1870’s for a dollar because it was “damaged.” The company made dinnerware for Tiffany.
Most dirt poor, but no one was on welfare. And sharing was eagerly anticipated. Of course, the population was in the low hundreds. I still remember when free food for the poor showed up - most were offended, at least initially. Times have changed.
My mom used to be a guidance counselor and the kids they gave coats to would lose them constantly because they could just get another one. There's no gratitude or appreciation there.
I stopped volunteering to give Christmas gifts 🎁 to children because parents felt entitled to them.
People donated bikes and other nice toys. I imagine some of those people did without to make sure kids received their Christmas wishes. I gave out many gifts to parents and none of them said a word of thanks. I was shocked.
It was! I thought that people would appreciate that others cared about their children and wanted to protect them from the harsh realities of life. But they just wanted to come in and grab their stuff and go. I think they felt like people that donated stuff were just to be taken advantage of. I don’t know quite how to explain their attitude. I wasn’t the only volunteer that noticed it. Whenever someone does something nice for me or my family, I try to let them know that I appreciate their kindness and thoughtfulness.
Unfortunately when people expect it as their due, this is the attitude you get 😕 My mom participated in a nonprofit that rehabbed houses and rented them to low income people. Some of the people just who had all of their rent paid for just trashed the place 😕 It’s very disheartening.
Nothing teaches gratitude more than going without things that aren't water, meat and veggies, clothing to fit the weather and maybe just a little too thin, and shelter from wind and sun and snow and rain.
Wow! I hadn’t heard that one. But it has all the marks of the truth I experienced. Throughout those years of exposure, I continued (and continue) to believe that “beggars can’t be choosers”. My children’s father was starting/running a high tech business; “salary” was an iffy thing—a paycheck a reason for great gratitude (to be honest—38 years later, that’s still true). Hence, Mama’s sewing machine and the thrift shop.
I stopped volunteering to give Christmas gifts 🎁 to children because parents felt entitled to them.
People donated bikes and other nice toys. I imagine some of those people did without to make sure kids received their Christmas wishes. I gave out many gifts to parents and none of them said a word of thanks. I was shocked.
Way back in the day, we participated in the hedonistic, let's get them all they ever wanted for Christmas. But we came to realize this was misguided.
These days, I'm proud to say that my children who are scattered around the globe, are all my friends. We talk about serious things we laugh about unserious things. but we talk.
Though I did my best as their father, I had no reason to expect that they would turn out so well,. and impress me so much.
I believe that all school children in the US should wear uniforms!! So much pressure is off parents and children with uniforms! No wealth or fashion comparing!
No binary and gender garbage. Boys and girls uniforms, period.
The lack of discipline in this country is getting out of hand. Cell phones should be handed in at the beginning of the day too, or simply not allowed!
I agree! My grandchildren were privileged enough to attend a Christian elementary school where they wore uniforms every day. It gave me such an appreciation for the concept of school uniforms.
It eliminates all the stress and competition in the dress area at least. They focused their competition on academic performance which was a great thing!
In the early 90's the Karens of my children's elementary school were soliciting for winter coats for low-income children. But they specified that the coats had to be brand-new. My children were wearing hand-downs and thrift-store winter coats. ???? Instilling in poor children a sense of entitlement.
Exactly! I stopped donating to local causes like “A Gift for Every Child”, in which an ‘underprivileged’ child’s name, age and gift preference was placed on a card on the Christmas tree. They asked for expensive, brand name gifts, things I didn’t buy for my own children. I never thought that a PlayStation was a necessary thing in our household.
And this entitlement mentality has been fostered for at least 30-40 years, so we have a generation of those folks, expecting that ‘someone’ will provide not only their needs, but their wants as well.
Yes, I have seen far too much of this as well. It’s all because of the desire to make sure kids are “not being left out” or “not being made fun of” because they don’t have “what everyone else [meaning the “popular” kids] has.” I wish we could focus the mindset more on not being so superficial and not judging based on possessions. I hate how this all feeds into and encourages that mentality 😕
This is the left’s MO. If everyone doesn’t have something, no one should. Remember the “studies” showing that kids from happy families had an unfair advantage over kids who weren’t? It was a NYT article, and suggested kids from unhappy families should have lower educational standards (hoops and challenges to jump) and be given other advantages like scholarships and such. The left tries to “level” everything but all it does is capsize the ship.
You and I could be good friends, I think!
I’m sure we could! I often wish we could have an in-person coffee. Some of us have so much in common!
🎯! We may already be there!
In my small town everyone knew who was on welfare and the families who were always had the nicest newest bikes for the kids and brand name clothing (among other things) 🤔 Whereas working poor families had hand me downs and thrift store items.
That was me - and to this day I'm still a thrift store shopper and advocate. I've studied fashion and imaging consulting for years and I know how to dress. People always compliment me on my sense of style and they are often shocked when I tell them I shop at thrift/consignment stores. Sometimes I can't believe what people give away or consign. I actually made a business out of it when I decided to owned and operated a ladies consignment boutique for nearly 20 years. I made a pretty good living selling used clothing and accessories so I'm thankful for the experience I received because I was raised as a poor welfare kid. I did not remain on the welfare system - I was on my own from the age of 17 and was an entrepreneur - the thought of having a boss didn't sit well with me at all.
I have many expensive items of clothing - one of my favorite suits is 3-button navy Brooks Brothers suit that I paid $50 for at an upscale consignment store. (It was at least $900 when new.) My suit wardrobe includes Calvin Klein, Ralph Lauren and many others. All purchased second hand.
At this moment I'm wearing a navy Lacoste polo shirt, some Tabasco khaki shorts and Sperry Top-Siders. All purchased used - but many of which are still with the original tags.
I realized a long time ago, that except for a brief moment, all clothes are used clothes. It's stupid to waste money on brand new designer wear when you can buy the exact same items for like 60-90% off.
Buying "gently worn" used is tougher for men than women, at least in our semi-rural area. Men wear stuff until it disintegrates ... whereas some women think "Oh, I cannot wear that again, I've been seen in it already!" and donate it.
And before y'all label me a sexist for that observation, it was made by my wife and not by me. She has a spiffy wardrobe of quality casual stuff (most looking like it was worn once) bought for pennies on the dollar at thrift shops.
You are not a sexist - you are absolutely right - my husband says the same thing, especially of more rural areas. When we go to the big cities we always source out the thrift/consignment stores and he finds great stuff there, but obviously I find way more, that's just the way it goes. Thanks for sharing. Cheers!
Agree. Have wished husband could get the male equivalent of fine clothing I wear from thrift stores. Difficult for a male.
I am not bothered by the “I’ve been seen in it already”’thing but my style and needs change more frequently than my husband’s do.
I appreciate you! Some of us have no style! 😁🙋♀️
Thanks, Fred. More thoughts on this, but won't go into them now. However, in my mind, the same is true for used cars. Only twice in our married (52 years) life have we bought a new car--and then, only because the new car had what we needed (1978 Subaru--still could use less-expensive leaded gas and then, 1987 Ford Aerostar--because with 3rd baby, we needed a larger vehicle, and only the Aerostar [which proved to be something of a lemon] had the leg room needed by a tall husband.
Exactly!!! And good for you for figuring that out. I just bought a pair of embellished Brazilian Rox Jeans at a consignment store that still had the original price tag of $380 on them - I paid $40. Yey!
That’s great and I admire that you have gotten such great finds. I have found that it takes so many visits to the second hand shops and so much time combing through the “junk” that I just don’t have the patience nor do I want to spend the time.
That was my attitude toward yard sales--although thrift shop clothing was much more efficient.
Go to high end neighborhoods and the ones who support Cancer.
Yes--on my return to 'teaching', with need for professional dress, I found the tony Phila suburb Bryn Mawr Hospital Thrift Shop tp be the "once and done". Colleague , envious, remarked on my appearance--how to? Answer: I purchase clothing pre-chosen by women of taste and means.
I actually buy most things online these days. I have done Thrifting, but you're right - that's time consuming and often results in not finding what you're after.
Online I can search for exactly what I'm looking for, and specify if I want "New with Tags,' or the exact color, brand, etc.
I had my luggage stolen in Spain recently. So I had to replace several items.
Told my wife what I needed, and it showed up in the mail.
One of the items was a white Lacoste short sleeve, retails for $110.
Paid $44 (tax and shipping included) for a new one with tags and still with creases, never washed or worn.
That’s awesome (what you needed showing up in the mail not the stolen luggage, of course!).
See, I really need to try things on for the most part so I generally avoid buying clothing online except in very specific circumstances.
I like the way you dress! Preppie all the way! ♥️
It's the age I grew up in. At one time, I owned 3 copies of "The Preppy Handbook."
Today I could easily model for "Prep Persona No. 5: the County Club Years.' Page 192. (Ask me how I know.)
I love that! You used your experience in a positive way and gained useful knowledge and insights. The people on welfare in my town (which was tiny so everyone knew everyone else’s business) were the definition of deadbeats. Didn’t work, didn’t want to work, perpetually on the government dole. While do many around them worked really hard and struggled 😕
It was that perception that made it embarrassing for me to use food stamps and medicaid for my son while I was in college as a single mom. But I did it to give him and me a better future. Not all ppl were deadbeats...I still worked 16-20hrs a week holding down a 20+ hour curriculum. And I paid my loans all back (only borrowed 30k for pharmacy school). Paid back those food stamps and any medicaid he used via taxes many many times over. My caseworker used to tell me she wished she had a hundred ppl like me instead of what she usually deals with. But yeah. An atypical example for sure. Still was embarrassing tho. And I still went without because my income was such I only qualified for a small stipend. I was a lot skinnier then. 😉
Key word, you were embarrassed! It used to be that people that had to take a handout or up, were ashamed. I don’t see that anymore. I see those taking and scamming at the same time, instead of working. And if you are on assistance, I’m thinking nails and eyelashes and cell phones might be a tad expensive for the likes of those people. But apparently, it’s now a sense of arrogant pride.
Why feel embarrassed when your money comes from a nameless, faceless bureaucracy? It was different when, in the past, charity had to be taken from people you knew, and who may not have had much to give. That's the worst part of it.
Exactly!! When it was neighbors there was a sense of accountability. It helped build ties and also keep people honest to only ask for what they needed.
Back then, you got a coupon book of actual "food stamps" which is where the term came from. It took time to count them all out as they came in various denominations like money but they were glued into a booklet. Everyone around you could see what you were doing, knew what it was, and gave the stank eye as you used them. There were no cell phones to own, no debit cards, just checks, cash and credit cards which I didn't have. Even the cashier would glare. I wasn't even buying steaks believe me as I needed meals for a growing boy I bought fruit, vegetables, hamburger, chicken, eggs and milk.
You are the kind of person I am happy to help! It’s meant to be a temporary help not a way of life. I know the reality of generations on welfare from growing up where I did and seeing it first hand, and that’s my objection. The problem with the system is that it is more designed to enable that than give an incentive to get off the program. As your caseworker seemed to acknowledge 😕
I shop at thrift stores. I wear new/like new Chico’s, Talbots and other brands of upscale clothing. I’ve also found some nice antiques. I recently purchased a stapled plate from the 1870’s for a dollar because it was “damaged.” The company made dinnerware for Tiffany.
Most dirt poor, but no one was on welfare. And sharing was eagerly anticipated. Of course, the population was in the low hundreds. I still remember when free food for the poor showed up - most were offended, at least initially. Times have changed.
When you think about the government declaring a “war on poverty” in the 60s and decades later it’s gotten worse not better…
I'm from the government and I'm here to help.... Myself!
My mom used to be a guidance counselor and the kids they gave coats to would lose them constantly because they could just get another one. There's no gratitude or appreciation there.
I stopped volunteering to give Christmas gifts 🎁 to children because parents felt entitled to them.
People donated bikes and other nice toys. I imagine some of those people did without to make sure kids received their Christmas wishes. I gave out many gifts to parents and none of them said a word of thanks. I was shocked.
That’s awful 😕
It was! I thought that people would appreciate that others cared about their children and wanted to protect them from the harsh realities of life. But they just wanted to come in and grab their stuff and go. I think they felt like people that donated stuff were just to be taken advantage of. I don’t know quite how to explain their attitude. I wasn’t the only volunteer that noticed it. Whenever someone does something nice for me or my family, I try to let them know that I appreciate their kindness and thoughtfulness.
Unfortunately when people expect it as their due, this is the attitude you get 😕 My mom participated in a nonprofit that rehabbed houses and rented them to low income people. Some of the people just who had all of their rent paid for just trashed the place 😕 It’s very disheartening.
Nothing teaches gratitude more than going without things that aren't water, meat and veggies, clothing to fit the weather and maybe just a little too thin, and shelter from wind and sun and snow and rain.
Wow! I hadn’t heard that one. But it has all the marks of the truth I experienced. Throughout those years of exposure, I continued (and continue) to believe that “beggars can’t be choosers”. My children’s father was starting/running a high tech business; “salary” was an iffy thing—a paycheck a reason for great gratitude (to be honest—38 years later, that’s still true). Hence, Mama’s sewing machine and the thrift shop.
I stopped volunteering to give Christmas gifts 🎁 to children because parents felt entitled to them.
People donated bikes and other nice toys. I imagine some of those people did without to make sure kids received their Christmas wishes. I gave out many gifts to parents and none of them said a word of thanks. I was shocked.
Our 5 children are all successful adults now.
Way back in the day, we participated in the hedonistic, let's get them all they ever wanted for Christmas. But we came to realize this was misguided.
These days, I'm proud to say that my children who are scattered around the globe, are all my friends. We talk about serious things we laugh about unserious things. but we talk.
Though I did my best as their father, I had no reason to expect that they would turn out so well,. and impress me so much.
Deo gratias.
Fred, you give the credit correctly, where it is truly due.
😩
I believe that all school children in the US should wear uniforms!! So much pressure is off parents and children with uniforms! No wealth or fashion comparing!
No binary and gender garbage. Boys and girls uniforms, period.
The lack of discipline in this country is getting out of hand. Cell phones should be handed in at the beginning of the day too, or simply not allowed!
I agree! My grandchildren were privileged enough to attend a Christian elementary school where they wore uniforms every day. It gave me such an appreciation for the concept of school uniforms.
It eliminates all the stress and competition in the dress area at least. They focused their competition on academic performance which was a great thing!
I wore one for 8 years at a parochial school. Hated it then but I realize what a good thing it was for us.
My daughter wore one at her Catholic high school for high school. It was a true blessing, especially in high school!
Gag! 🙄