☕️ FLARING UP ☙ Friday, May 17, 2024 ☙ C&C NEWS 🦠

Wild Friday roundup: inveterate liar Cohen punctuates Trump trial; congressional catfight raises eyelashes; doomed but timely bill to End the Fed; street artist's provocative trial commentary; more.

Good morning, C&C, it’s finally Friday! Technology problems prevented a proper roundup this morning, and it’s probably for the best, given the character of yesterday’s news, as you will soon see. I blame solar flares. In today’s rapid roundup: Trump Trial update as Michael Cohen swirls the drain along with Alvin Bragg’s entire trial; congressional catfight raises eyelashes in controversial contempt hearing; freedom caucus Republican files hopeless but entertaining bill to abolish the Federal Reserve; and a street artist makes a prick-ling commentary on the Trump trial in Manhattan.

🗞💬 WORLD NEWS AND COMMENTARY 💬🗞

🔥 Alvin Bragg’s sneakiest strategy slithered out yesterday, in the form of his star witness’s worst day, a scheme missed by most media. Late last night, CNN Politics ran its Trump Trial story headlined, “Analysis: Michael Cohen gives Donald Trump his best day in hush money trial so far.”

President Trump, CNN reluctantly explained, “got to savor his former fixer-turned-enemy Michael Cohen wobbling on the stand under a fearsome cross-examination.” The problem was, convicted felon and disbarred lawyer Michael Cohen is an inveterate fibber and an incurable fabulist. Michael has lied under oath so many times he’s lost count. NYU Law professor Ryan Goodman told CNN, “I think what happened today is so devastating they have to do something.”

Trump also seemed happy how the day turned out. “I think it was a very interesting day, it was a fascinating day. And it shows what a scam this whole thing is,” he assured reporters. CNN couldn’t help adding that Trump’s confidence “rang less hollow than usual given several positive moments for the defense.”

The mind reels contemplating how CNN can with a straight face continue reporting this revolting spectacle as some kind of legitimate judicial exercise. Cortez’s men would have looked upon Trump’s trial with even wilder surmise than they viewed the Pacific Ocean from a peak in Darien. I don’t know whether Michael Cohen is the biggest liar who ever took the stand, but he’s got to be up there. And he’s the state’s key witness.

Anyway, to give you the smallest taste, here’s how CNN described one legally significant exchange:

Trump attorney Blanche asked Cohen about a time when he’d lied under oath to a judge in a different case because “the stakes affected you personally.” Cohen agreed he had.

Then Blanche asked Cohen: “Does the outcome of this trial affect you personally?” Cohen answered, “Yes.” The unspoken implication was that if Cohen lied in a previous trial that affected him personally, why would he not do the same in a trial involving his now sworn foe, the former president?

A fair question. On Monday, Bragg will get a chance, if he wants, to “rehabilitate” Cohen.

Maybe the biggest actual news was that Trump’s team doesn’t plan to put on much of a defense.  The judge concluded Court yesterday advising counsel to prepare for closing arguments starting as early as Tuesday. It might not be as unusual as it sounds, since in criminal cases, it’s the state’s burden to prove its case beyond a reasonable doubt. So if the defense already has good arguments for reasonable doubt when the state rests, then it could be better to stand down and not risk over selling.

Some of CNN’s ‘legal experts’ seemed to think Trump may have already established reasonable doubt:

Experienced trial lawyers immediately spotted a potential turning point. “I think it has to have raised some doubt,” criminal defense attorney Nikki Lotze said on CNN’s “The Situation Room,” of Blanche’s clash with Cohen. “There was testimony previously that this phone call was about X and now there are texts that suggest it is about Y … and not a lot of time for there to be a conversation about both X and Y.“

Jim Trusty, a former Trump attorney, also believed the exchange was significant and was cause for the ex-president to feel upbeat. “The defense set the whole trial up to be a referendum on Cohen’s honesty. That is exactly where you want this fight to be, so it is a good moment,” he said.

Notwithstanding undeniable proof that Michael Cohen wouldn’t know the truth if it gave him a colonoscopy, the jury is permitted to believe him anyway. After reading the transcripts of various exchanges, it seems Alvin Bragg’s strategy was to play to politically biased jurors dying to find some reason to believe Cohen. Otherwise it was a terrible idea to call Cohen last and leave on a low note.

Clearly, they prepared Cohen to testify better than he has ever been prepared in his entire sneaky, scurrilous life. Biden’s finest federal prosecutors taught Cohen exactly what to say about all his previous lies.

In short, Michael never argued. He didn’t even try to deny it. In other words, he was honest about lying.

Cohen quietly and confidently admitted all his previous lies when asked. Those admissions were the main reason the legal analysts called what happened “devastating.” But they missed the point. Alvin Bragg deployed a high-risk strategy I’ll call, “the prodigal son.” Cohen sounded and acted like a recovering alcoholic.

Bragg’s closing argument will be something like, he used to be a liar but now he’s been rehabilitated, or he recognizes how important this trial is and he would never lie about THIS.

It could work. Running the ‘prodigal son’ would be unreasonably chancy absent a jury dying to find some way to convict Trump. With that kind of jury in your pocket, Bragg’s strategy makes more sense. But it would be the thinnest possible way to make history convicting a United States President for … what?

🔥🔥 Echoing the joke of a trial in a Manhattan courtroom, yesterday in D.C. this happened in the United States Congress. I don’t really know how to react; maybe laugh and cry at the same time. The Hill ran the widely-reported story under its headline, “Chaos erupts in hearing as Greene, Ocasio-Cortez clash over ‘fake eyelashes’ jibe at Crockett.”

CLIP: titillating but mortifying MTG vs AOC verbal dustup (0:55).

They temporarily suspended the session to calm things down. The Congressmen were there to hold Attorney General Merrick Garland in contempt, for refusing to provide documents requested by committees. They ultimately did find Garland in contempt, but only along party lines, which might be what convinced Congresswoman Greene the hearing was a joke.

After Greene offered some remark about Judge Merchan’s daughter’s political connections and the judge’s obvious conflict, first-termer Jasmine Crockett (D-Tx) demanded, “please tell me what that has to do with Merrick Garland?” When Greene ignored her, Jasmine pressed the point, sarcastically sniping, “do you even know what we’re here for?”

“I don’t think you know what you’re here for,” Greene spicily responded. “I think your fake eyelashes are messing up what you’re reading.” According to the Hill, Greene’s eyelash exegesis instantly provoked outraged mayhem amongst the democrats on the committee, with Representative Cortez leading the charge.

“That is absolutely unacceptable!” Cortez shouted. “How dare you attack the physical appearance of another person... move her words down,” the hot hispanic demanded. 

"Are your feelings hurt?" Greene innocently drawled in her Georgia accent. 

"Oh girl, baby girl!" Ocasio-Cortez shot back. "Don’t even play!" Which I believe was an ethnic turn of phrase of some kind. Or it’s something kids say. I don’t know, I can’t do the dialect.

The Hill hosted a slightly longer video version that was even more mortifying, or entertaining, depending on the degree of humor with which you view the controlled demolition of Western civilization. The generous view is that the catfight reflects the general high emotions and the political discord between the parties in Congress and the Nation.

Or like I said, it was solar flare-induced hysteria.

🔥 In a slightly more interesting related story, completely ignored by corporate media, Benzinga (a financial rag) ran a story yesterday headlined, “Marjorie Taylor Greene Ally Thomas Massie Introduces 'End The Fed' Bill To Abolish The US Central Bank: 'Americans Are Suffering Under Crippling Inflation’”

The bill — which while entertaining, is going nowhere, and will be completely submerged by government captured media — resulted from a poll Massie ran Tuesday on his Twitter/X page. The poll asked his 780,000 followers whether they thought the Congressman should propose a bill abolishing the Federal Reserve. An astounding 86.6% of the 115,000 voting said they wanted to “End the Fed,” while only 2.8% voted to preserve intact the controversial institution.

The bright side is that the conversation about the Federal Reserve’s utility or uselessness continues. By my quick research, it looks like Ron Paul filed similar Fed-ending bills in 1999 and 2013. So it appears Representative Massie is now carrying the torch of freedom.

Godspeed, Mr. Massie. You have my vote.

💉💉 Yesterday, as the solar energy continued swirling in Earth’s atmosphere, a top NIH official astonishingly admitted in open Congress that the agency did, indeed, fund gain-of-function research in Wuhan:

CLIP: NIH’s Dr. Tabak admits NIH did ’generic’ GoF research in Wuhan (0:32).

But Dr. Lawrence Tabak, NIH’s Deputy Director, also offered a Clintonesque defense, qualifying his breathtaking admission saying “it depends on what you mean by ‘gain of function.’” You could probably say that about anything. Try for yourself, it’s loads of fun. It depends on what you mean by, ‘paid my taxes.’

Of course, Dr. Tabak completely ignored the government’s official definition found in federal documents related to the legal ban on GoF research, back when they had no problems understanding what ‘gain of function’ means. The linked document explained:

New USG funding will not be released for gain-of-function research projects that may be reasonably anticipated to confer attributes to influenza, MERS, or SARS viruses such that the virus would have enhanced pathogenicity and/or transmissibility in mammals via the respiratory route. The research funding pause would not apply to characterization or testing of naturally occurring influenza, MERS, and SARS viruses, unless the tests are reasonably anticipated to increase transmissibility and/or pathogenicity.

So.

🔥🔥 There was clearly something in the atmosphere yesterday, as the news — and this post — scraped bottom. Fox 5 New York reporter Michelle Arezou Ross was on the scene, out in front of the Manhattan courthouse yesterday when a terrorist attack happened, sort of. An unmarked truck hauled up on the side of the street and, well, in Michelle’s own words, it kind of erupted, or discharged:

Someone just pulled up to the Donald Trump hush money trial outside Manhattan Criminal Court in a UHaul and released dozens of pink balloons in the shape of male genitalia with the faces of DA Alvin Bragg, Judge Juan Merchan, and Special Counsel Jack Smith on them.

CLIP: Reporter Michelle Ross’s surprised (or delighted?) comments on balloon artist delivery (1:24).

Pro-Trump artist Scott LoBaido flashed a hundred genitally shaped balloons painted with the faces of Alvin Bragg, Judge Merchan, Judge Engoron, and Jack Smith into the open air right outside the Manhattan courthouse. The licentious balloons were part of a libidinous artistic display titled ‘D—ks of Hazard,' a provocative political commentary aimed at puriently criticizing everyone involved in President Donald Trump’s salacious prosecution.

If you think about it, the bawdy theme fit the trial. It accurately mocked the case’s subject matter. There’s a higher level of criticism that can, if you squint hard enough, be found in the lubricious commentary.

Scott’s satirical efforts were cleverly creative — well, at least middle-school clever — and it obviously took a lot of hard work, so I hate to criticize. After all, who among us can even say what ‘art’ is these days? It depends on what you mean by, ‘art.’ But the bawdy artist pointedly missed the most pressing target: David Pecker, the state’s first witness rising against the President. Is that David Pecker in your U-Haul? Or are you just glad to see me?

And that’s a wrap!

Have a fantastic Friday! And don’t let the solar radiation make YOU cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. U-Haul back here in the morning for the fabulous, beyond-belief Weekend Edition of just the news you need to know.

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