I had the luxury of speaking with the great Margaret Anna Alice yesterday evening. After being awake for over 24 hours she had just learned that her mom is quite ill. They have some difficult and dangerous choices to make. She is devastated. Hat in hand, I ask for yet another prayer: please pray for them both.
I had the luxury of speaking with the great Margaret Anna Alice yesterday evening. After being awake for over 24 hours she had just learned that her mom is quite ill. They have some difficult and dangerous choices to make. She is devastated. Hat in hand, I ask for yet another prayer: please pray for them both.
All of this sadness that surrounds us in this dwindling age got me thinking about love and death and life. Here is an arrangement of quotes as a thank you for your blessings and grace:
—
Once there was a boy who gave a girl twelve roses. Eleven of them were real, one was plastic. Then he told her he will love her until the last one dies.
It was a promise he never took back.
But then one horrible day she died instead, and as her absence filled his world, he begged:
If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane,
I'd march right up to heaven
and bring you home again.
But no matter the depth of his grief, no such stairway ever appeared. As the years trickled by ever so painfully, on occasion he would wake up feeling fine. Then he’d remember.
As the breaking wheel of time turned and his youth and hope fled him he went to her garden:
An old man kneeling all alone
Plants a plastic rose in a garden of stone
For seventy years now she's been gone
But his devotion is still going strong
She looked down and her heart was lost. She whispered:
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow
. I am diamond glints on snow.
I am sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake and greet the dawn I am the day as it is born
I am birds in circling flight
I am the soft starlight at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there.
I did not die.
He looked up with a lighter heart and sighed, “thank you”. After seventy years his loneliness finally fled him. He was no longer kneeling all alone. Her presence filled his world.
He retrieved her rose.
—-
Yesterday, after only few brief paragraphs of explanation of what she just found out her mother was facing, an exhausted and grief-stricken Ms. Alice then apologized for “unloading her problems on me”. Can you imagine? Please pray for Ms. Alice. She fights for us, let us fight for her.
What a beautiful poem and story for us all. In our grief, it is easy to forget that for God’s followers the Kingdom of Heaven is a boundless, borderless expanse where we can be free as a bird, soft as the wind, bright as the stars and as beautiful as a rose. Thank you for sharing that beautiful poem and the hope is gives when we are the ones left behind. 🙏
Wow, soft as the wind, we all have that potential, and it is never too late, thank you for your beautiful interpretation. Here is an alternate version of that poem by Ms. Harner:
Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep By Clare Harner
Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am diamond glints on snow. I am sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die.
In your original, longer poem, I was thinking all along...How SAD that it took 70 years for this man to finally realize that his spouse was not in the cemetery !
My mother passed away a couple of years ago, she had multiple comorbidities and then caught covid as well. The visiting doctors diagnosed her but refused to treat her bc she was not hospitalized but remained at home in Mexico.
When she departed, I was sitting by her bedside... All I could think of was, "You are so blessed to be going to the Presence of Almighty God! You'll never be lonely again!"
The tears I shed were only bc I was sad she'd been lonely in her home since my father passed away. I know one day, I will see them both again... They will be full of LIFE not sick anymore, and if we cry any tears, they will be full of JOY!
"Jesus said to her, “I AM the RESURRECTION and the LIFE. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die." John 11:25-26
I saw once this week where the comment was removed. I guess Jeff did it. Shame substack can't address this cause this is posted on other stacks. Welcome back.
This poem is a family favorite of mine—-often read at the time of a loved one’s passing. Will pray for Margaret Anna Alice and her mom during this difficult time. She has been a blessing for so many and has already endured loss and pain of the worst kind. And thank you for offering her solace and a safe space to process her sorrow and difficulties. ❤️
I just lost my wonderful father in law. I look forward to reuniting with him after death. Today I dress his body in ceremonial robes with his two oldest sons. My neighbor told me it's a very solemn and wonderful occasion. I hope his sons feel the same way.
He was a joyous man, and a proud man, having grown up in a rugged part of Wyoming with an outhouse for the first decade of his life. And as I held him up in my arms with great difficulty, while my wife cleaned him up, he (as usual) expressed his apologies so profusely to us for being such a burden. We both snapped at him for apologizing so much - it's what we do for him. A few minutes later, he was on his way to the ER, to be checked out for why he couldn't stand. His breathing labored, his lungs filling, and any movement on his leg excruciating. I stayed with him for an hour or two before his oldest son took over the vigil.
He was transferred to a hospital room a day later, and to a SNF a few days after. My wife visited him twice a day (he and his wife were under our care as 90 year old twins - so lovingly close in all they did and in expressing their love towards each other through 72 years of marriage and 74 years of courtship).
My wife sensed something wrong and through an absolute series of miracles, had him transported home in record time, where he died 5 minutes later, holding the hand of his wife, and because of legal issues of removal of a body from a SNF in 4 hours vs the 7 we had from home, a large gathering of family was able to occur to pay their respects to him, and comfort his dementia addled wife - their mother, grandmother and great-grandmother.
I live with my sharp snap about his apologizing so much as some of my final words. We had no idea he would be gone so fast.
I will pay my last respects to him as I dress his body in robes symbolic of purity and eternal life, confident in a future reunion with him.
I've only known him for 10 years, but he has always been so gracious to me from the first moment we met until the last.
I don't know Miss Alice, but I pray for her comfort and yours. May you have a wonderful Christmas, in memory of Him, for whom we celebrate peace and eternal life.
Your father in law is dancing and sparkling as light and circling above you in flight—grateful for every moment he had with you and all you did for him. I know you know this, but I offer it as a reminder for sharing your story with me. I hung on every word. God bless you and all those you hold dear.
Gone From My Sight
I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side, spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone."
Gone where?
Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast, hull and spar as she was when she left my side. And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone," there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"
Yesterday I and two of his two sons dressed him. And at first they're was apprehension on my part. I've never done this before, or handled a deceased person. The coldness of his body was at first a shock, and then... Feelings of missing him came flooding back. His huge hands dwarfed mine. I was surprised that his sons didn't say more, besides the coordination of moving him from side to side as we fit the clothing on him. But all were grieving in their own way. I had previously passed on my gratitude for assisting in this effort, and at the last minute before going realized he had lost so much weight before dying that his pants were too large, so I stopped at the store on the way there to get a smaller pair. The white shirt I took from my closet was still a little big, particularly around the neck - my wife often bought his shirts based on my size.
I had wanted a prayer before doing this dressing, but one brother is characteristically late and the others and the staff were waiting for him, and we immediately went in. I asked him to do so before departing, and it was a beautiful prayer. I slipped a photo of his mother always carried by his father in his wallet into the hands of another brother, who in turn put it in his father's shirt pocket, just above his heart.
Late last night, I took the trash cans to the curb and noticed the neighbors garage door open, and knocked on his door to tell him. After closing the front door, I started to leave and remembered that I forgot to say something to him. I knocked again, and expressed my thanks to him for alerting me to the solemnity of dressing our kindred dead.
I had heard stories from the past of funerals held in homes and relatives digging graves, and while doing so, sharing stories of the deceased and otherwise celebrating the life of the deceased.
It slows things down. It sharpens and focuses life for everyone as to what is important, setting the stage for a celebration that each of us hope to have in the eyes of our loved ones - reviewing our own brief lives and committing to adjustments.
It seems we've lost so much in our hustle and bustle world, and have outsourced so much of this part of life. I suppose that was part of the apprehension I faced going in.
As I positioned his large hands for the last time on his chest and stepped back to see our work, I saw a magnificent man, clothed in robes of purity and glory, which he had worn many times in his life in celebration of the lives of his ancestors in our temples.
I was so grateful for the opportunity to serve him one last time.
And I want to again thank you for the beautiful story you passed along. I'm going to copy and paste it when I get back to my computer.
Writing all this with a single thumb swiping across a very small keyboard on my phone (because my own hands are large) has made me slow down, and think more deeply on what has transpired.
I just had a prompting to look at your substack, Tritorch. I skimmed the titles and a reply or two from you and subscribed. I think I've found a kindred spirit in the battle against evil.
Brought a tear to my eyes, both the news about Margaret Anna Alice's mother, and the poem. You would think she has had enough major grief in her life these past few months, but apparently not. She is in my daily thoughts already.
Praying for her and her precious mother. May God's bountiful grace and mercy overwhelm her so much that she feels His very presence. Margaret Anna Alice, surely the Lord knows your pain and carries your sorrows. He is enough.
Prayers up for Mary Alice. "Do not stand at my grave and weep." More poignant words were never written. My Dad said as much. He wanted us to say, "Yay, Dad! You made it!" Or as Jesus told us, “A little while longer and the world will see Me no more, but you will see Me. Because I live, you will live also” (John 14:19).
Thank you so, so much, TriTorch, for your extraordinary support and devastatingly beautiful words. I just read your poignant comment and the replies and am sobbing with gratitude to you and the rest of the C&C family 😭
I wanted to update everyone here on the latest as well as providing some additional details for context.
My mom has had a chronic cough for around six months. She thought it was allergies at first, then when it persisted, she thought maybe it was bronchitis. I kept needling her to make a doctor’s appointment so we could make sure it wasn’t serious, but then she’d start feeling better for a day or two, so she kept thinking it was just a chest cold or something that would go away on its own.
It didn’t, and it continued worsening, so she finally made a doctor’s appointment. The x-ray showed lung inflammation, so they did a CT scan. The good news is they ruled out cancer, which was our biggest concern. They still didn’t know what it was and thought maybe it was atypical bronchitis. This didn’t sound right to me because her symptoms are not ever-present. She does okay in the mornings, but then she starts having coughing fits in the afternoons and evenings. I knew there was something more serious and unusual going on.
Thankfully, she was able to get a pulmonologist’s appointment quickly due to a cancellation. He then scheduled her for a bronchoscopy on Monday. Yesterday, we received the results.
She has a pseudomonas infection, which her doctor described as extremely serious, and he wanted her to start on antibiotics immediately.
Pseudomonas can be life-threatening for anyone, but it’s particularly dangerous for her because she has lupus.
The pulmonologist wanted to prescribe Levofloxacin, but my mom had a severe reaction to just one pill of that previously, so that option is out. The next best option, he said, is Ciprofloxacin (Cipro).
I was extremely concerned about this choice because it has a horrible safety profile, and I have heard about numerous severe reactions to it. I called her pulmonologist’s office to express my concerns and find an alternative antibiotic with a better safety profile.
Unfortunately, he said if she doesn’t tolerate the Cipro, she would have to be hospitalized for a week while receiving intravenous injections of an antibiotic.
This was not a viable option, either, because hospitals are so dangerous, and I didn’t want her to get hospicided! Plus, he couldn’t even tell me in advance which antibiotic they would put her on because that decision would be made at the time of admission by the hospitalist, so she could just as well end up on Cipro there (when I asked about this possibility, I was told they may still use it but combine it with Benadryl if she has a reaction; this sounded like a potential nightmare of mushrooming drugs to treat cascading side effects, so I want to avoid this scenario if at all possible).
I researched all of the other antibiotics typically prescribed for this condition, and they all have horrendous potential side effects. This is such a severe infection (often antibiotic-resistant), it requires the most powerful antibiotics available, and those inevitably come with great risks.
The greater risk, however, is leaving the infection untreated as it could easily be fatal, and it clearly was not going away on its own.
So we had a Hobson’s choice and felt the only viable option was to proceed with the Cipro prescription and just hope everything goes smoothly and she doesn’t suffer severe side effects.
I did not want her to be alone while on Cipro, however, so we decided to have her stay with me during the 10-day course of treatment. That way, I can continually monitor her, and if she does have a dangerous reaction, I can get her to the hospital ASAP and pursue the IV administration as Plan B. (I pray that won’t be necessary, but if it is, I will be studying Jeff’s hospital guide! https://www.coffeeandcovid.com/p/-hospital-covid-guide-10-)
Her insurance requires her to use Walgreens, which is notoriously understaffed, so they haven’t even filled the prescription after nearly 24 hours.
This is actually helpful, though, because it gives us a day to prepare for my mom’s stay. I just got over a head cold, fever, and sore throat (the first time I’ve had anything like a cold or flu in over 20 years; thankfully, I had ivermectin on hand as well as an arsenal of supplements, so I followed the FLCCC protocol for flu along with my own additions and recovered within a week), so I need to change the sheets and clean as much as possible.
I am also going to make bone broth, turkey breast, and turkey soup to aid with her healing, so I have a lot of cooking and cleaning to do before she arrives!
Once we had a plan of action in place, we both felt better. I still have concerns about Cipro and wanted to make sure this was the best course of action, so I consulted a natural pharmacist friend and the husband of a longtime friend. We just happened to have met in person last week and had struck up a correspondence because we learned we have a shared passion for not only health but also the COVID injection harms (thanks to our mutual friend, Bill Kauth, for raving to him about my Substack; Bill attended Michael’s service, and I talked about him and share a pic of us in the eulogy post: https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/eulogy-for-the-patron-saint-of-insects). I decided to consult him because I know he is knowledgeable about Big Pharma corruption, the dangers of most drugs, and natural alternatives. He agreed with our decision and said it is very important for her to start on antibiotics because pseudomonas is such a dangerous infection. He also recommended she take Dr. Ohhira’s probiotics, which he has published papers on and considers the best probiotic in the world. Even though he and his wife were about to hop on a plane this morning to visit their family for Christmas, he took the time to mail a box of those probiotics to me (at no expense) before they departed. He also provided instructions and offered to do a Facetime once they arrive so he can walk us through the process (need to make sure they’re not in the stomach at the same time as the antibiotics, etc.). That should protect her gut health while she takes the Cipro and help her recover afterward. Having that as well as his availability to advise us gives additional comfort during this experience.
Apologies for the lengthy post, but since everyone here was so exceptionally kind and supportive, I wanted to give you the full picture and let you know things are progressing as well as possible under the circumstances.
We have many blessings to count, including:
1) we finally know the cause of her cough;
2) she doesn’t have cancer;
3) it is treatable;
4) 10 days on antibiotics isn’t as bad as the year and a half on antibiotics she was warned about if it was another kind of infection they had feared;
5) it will be gone in a couple of weeks if all goes to plan;
6) the best probiotics in the world and availability of one of the best natural pharmacists in the world (I would name him but don’t want to do so without his permission; I did encourage him to join Substack to share his life-saving knowledge, though, and will introduce him later when he gives the okay and is ready); and
7) the prayers, love, and support of the C&C community and countless friends, readers, and other compassionate individuals around the world 🙏
Thank you, everyone, for your amazingly wonderful support, and please excuse my relative unavailability in the coming days in advance. And now, I need to get busy cooking and cleaning!
MAA bless your Mom. I hope she tolerates the Cipro and I'm interested in knowing if Dr. Ohhiro's probiotics help. I've never heard of him but the few times I've taken antibiotics [Penicillin being one] I've not tolerated them very well. So that seems logical to have that available. Trying to stay prepared can be daunting but it sounds like you and your family have a plan. Merry Christmas.
Bing Crosby singing What Child is this- beautiful.
"If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd march right up to heaven, and bring you home again." Sums up the power of the human soul and experience. Thank you Tri.
As requested TriTorch, prayers offered up for Ms. Alice and her mom. The Lord knows what they need, and He will provide the Graces. In Jesus' Holy Name I pray.
Wow! Tritorch! That made me cry. I am praying for Ms. Alice and her mother. I want to also say thank you to the wonderful crew at C&C for praying for my husband's surgery yesterday! I was so touched to see so many respond. Surgery went well and he appears on the road to recovery, God's Will be done! God will hear all those of us praying for Ms. Alice and her mother. I pray that He takes both of these women in His loving arms, holds them close, comforts them, heals them and gives them both what they need as He Wills it. Amen
It saddens me to learn about MAA & her mom. She has had much to deal with of late. Prayers for comfort & healing, in it's many forms, for each of them. May they each have all that they need today & each day of this new life's journey. ❤️🙏
I had the luxury of speaking with the great Margaret Anna Alice yesterday evening. After being awake for over 24 hours she had just learned that her mom is quite ill. They have some difficult and dangerous choices to make. She is devastated. Hat in hand, I ask for yet another prayer: please pray for them both.
All of this sadness that surrounds us in this dwindling age got me thinking about love and death and life. Here is an arrangement of quotes as a thank you for your blessings and grace:
—
Once there was a boy who gave a girl twelve roses. Eleven of them were real, one was plastic. Then he told her he will love her until the last one dies.
It was a promise he never took back.
But then one horrible day she died instead, and as her absence filled his world, he begged:
If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane,
I'd march right up to heaven
and bring you home again.
But no matter the depth of his grief, no such stairway ever appeared. As the years trickled by ever so painfully, on occasion he would wake up feeling fine. Then he’d remember.
As the breaking wheel of time turned and his youth and hope fled him he went to her garden:
An old man kneeling all alone
Plants a plastic rose in a garden of stone
For seventy years now she's been gone
But his devotion is still going strong
She looked down and her heart was lost. She whispered:
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow
. I am diamond glints on snow.
I am sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awake and greet the dawn I am the day as it is born
I am birds in circling flight
I am the soft starlight at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there.
I did not die.
He looked up with a lighter heart and sighed, “thank you”. After seventy years his loneliness finally fled him. He was no longer kneeling all alone. Her presence filled his world.
He retrieved her rose.
—-
Yesterday, after only few brief paragraphs of explanation of what she just found out her mother was facing, an exhausted and grief-stricken Ms. Alice then apologized for “unloading her problems on me”. Can you imagine? Please pray for Ms. Alice. She fights for us, let us fight for her.
The ability to cope with our total losses in this life of truly loving others,
is no doubt the greatest of human challenges.
In God we trust. Honor it. Seek it.
Our creation is the splendor and glory each waking day.
To share it is eternal.
If I could be any part of you, i'd be your tears.
To be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes,
live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.
What a beautiful poem and story for us all. In our grief, it is easy to forget that for God’s followers the Kingdom of Heaven is a boundless, borderless expanse where we can be free as a bird, soft as the wind, bright as the stars and as beautiful as a rose. Thank you for sharing that beautiful poem and the hope is gives when we are the ones left behind. 🙏
Wow, soft as the wind, we all have that potential, and it is never too late, thank you for your beautiful interpretation. Here is an alternate version of that poem by Ms. Harner:
Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep By Clare Harner
Do not stand at my grave and weep; I am not there. I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am diamond glints on snow. I am sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry; I am not there. I did not die.
In your original, longer poem, I was thinking all along...How SAD that it took 70 years for this man to finally realize that his spouse was not in the cemetery !
My mother passed away a couple of years ago, she had multiple comorbidities and then caught covid as well. The visiting doctors diagnosed her but refused to treat her bc she was not hospitalized but remained at home in Mexico.
When she departed, I was sitting by her bedside... All I could think of was, "You are so blessed to be going to the Presence of Almighty God! You'll never be lonely again!"
The tears I shed were only bc I was sad she'd been lonely in her home since my father passed away. I know one day, I will see them both again... They will be full of LIFE not sick anymore, and if we cry any tears, they will be full of JOY!
"Jesus said to her, “I AM the RESURRECTION and the LIFE. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die." John 11:25-26
Love you, my brother in Christ.
Same, good sir
Troll/bot...do not click on link.
Reported.
I’ve been away from C&C for over a month bc of out-of-the-blue serious illness. My 1st day back… today’s Stack is classic Jeff Childers!
Then that same bot or whatever pops up😠
Won’t ruin my day tho! Annoyance only.
Welcome back.
Are you feeling better?
I am! Thank you. Getting stronger each day. Going to physical therapy which helps a lot.
I saw once this week where the comment was removed. I guess Jeff did it. Shame substack can't address this cause this is posted on other stacks. Welcome back.
No one here wastes time with your annoying posts.
You are developing into the wonderful stages of major enlightenment.
Thanks for the sweet awakenings TT.
Gut punch to the feels right there TT. ❤️
Thank you for some leavening of the day. God be with you.
This poem is a family favorite of mine—-often read at the time of a loved one’s passing. Will pray for Margaret Anna Alice and her mom during this difficult time. She has been a blessing for so many and has already endured loss and pain of the worst kind. And thank you for offering her solace and a safe space to process her sorrow and difficulties. ❤️
Thank you for sharing all of this. She has had a rough time, significantly more than a rough time.
I am sorry more has been added.
Job.
Like
I just lost my wonderful father in law. I look forward to reuniting with him after death. Today I dress his body in ceremonial robes with his two oldest sons. My neighbor told me it's a very solemn and wonderful occasion. I hope his sons feel the same way.
He was a joyous man, and a proud man, having grown up in a rugged part of Wyoming with an outhouse for the first decade of his life. And as I held him up in my arms with great difficulty, while my wife cleaned him up, he (as usual) expressed his apologies so profusely to us for being such a burden. We both snapped at him for apologizing so much - it's what we do for him. A few minutes later, he was on his way to the ER, to be checked out for why he couldn't stand. His breathing labored, his lungs filling, and any movement on his leg excruciating. I stayed with him for an hour or two before his oldest son took over the vigil.
He was transferred to a hospital room a day later, and to a SNF a few days after. My wife visited him twice a day (he and his wife were under our care as 90 year old twins - so lovingly close in all they did and in expressing their love towards each other through 72 years of marriage and 74 years of courtship).
My wife sensed something wrong and through an absolute series of miracles, had him transported home in record time, where he died 5 minutes later, holding the hand of his wife, and because of legal issues of removal of a body from a SNF in 4 hours vs the 7 we had from home, a large gathering of family was able to occur to pay their respects to him, and comfort his dementia addled wife - their mother, grandmother and great-grandmother.
I live with my sharp snap about his apologizing so much as some of my final words. We had no idea he would be gone so fast.
I will pay my last respects to him as I dress his body in robes symbolic of purity and eternal life, confident in a future reunion with him.
I've only known him for 10 years, but he has always been so gracious to me from the first moment we met until the last.
I don't know Miss Alice, but I pray for her comfort and yours. May you have a wonderful Christmas, in memory of Him, for whom we celebrate peace and eternal life.
Your father in law is dancing and sparkling as light and circling above you in flight—grateful for every moment he had with you and all you did for him. I know you know this, but I offer it as a reminder for sharing your story with me. I hung on every word. God bless you and all those you hold dear.
Gone From My Sight
I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side, spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone."
Gone where?
Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast, hull and spar as she was when she left my side. And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.
And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone," there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"
And that is dying...
—Henry Van Dyke
Wow. That is beautiful! Thank you!
Yesterday I and two of his two sons dressed him. And at first they're was apprehension on my part. I've never done this before, or handled a deceased person. The coldness of his body was at first a shock, and then... Feelings of missing him came flooding back. His huge hands dwarfed mine. I was surprised that his sons didn't say more, besides the coordination of moving him from side to side as we fit the clothing on him. But all were grieving in their own way. I had previously passed on my gratitude for assisting in this effort, and at the last minute before going realized he had lost so much weight before dying that his pants were too large, so I stopped at the store on the way there to get a smaller pair. The white shirt I took from my closet was still a little big, particularly around the neck - my wife often bought his shirts based on my size.
I had wanted a prayer before doing this dressing, but one brother is characteristically late and the others and the staff were waiting for him, and we immediately went in. I asked him to do so before departing, and it was a beautiful prayer. I slipped a photo of his mother always carried by his father in his wallet into the hands of another brother, who in turn put it in his father's shirt pocket, just above his heart.
Late last night, I took the trash cans to the curb and noticed the neighbors garage door open, and knocked on his door to tell him. After closing the front door, I started to leave and remembered that I forgot to say something to him. I knocked again, and expressed my thanks to him for alerting me to the solemnity of dressing our kindred dead.
I had heard stories from the past of funerals held in homes and relatives digging graves, and while doing so, sharing stories of the deceased and otherwise celebrating the life of the deceased.
It slows things down. It sharpens and focuses life for everyone as to what is important, setting the stage for a celebration that each of us hope to have in the eyes of our loved ones - reviewing our own brief lives and committing to adjustments.
It seems we've lost so much in our hustle and bustle world, and have outsourced so much of this part of life. I suppose that was part of the apprehension I faced going in.
As I positioned his large hands for the last time on his chest and stepped back to see our work, I saw a magnificent man, clothed in robes of purity and glory, which he had worn many times in his life in celebration of the lives of his ancestors in our temples.
I was so grateful for the opportunity to serve him one last time.
And I want to again thank you for the beautiful story you passed along. I'm going to copy and paste it when I get back to my computer.
Writing all this with a single thumb swiping across a very small keyboard on my phone (because my own hands are large) has made me slow down, and think more deeply on what has transpired.
Thank you for assisting me on that journey.
You just made me cry. Thank you Justin.
Me too! This is truly a beautiful tribute of love.
I just had a prompting to look at your substack, Tritorch. I skimmed the titles and a reply or two from you and subscribed. I think I've found a kindred spirit in the battle against evil.
Thank you for all you do and share.
Yes, Tritorch is a warrior poet with the heart of a lion. I am regularly encouraged and strengthened by his resolve and I pray for him every day.
God bless you and your house, Justin.
I forgot to add a quote I found long ago, and I've asked that it be included in any memorial held for myself.
"Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come." - Rabinadrath Tagore (1861-1941)
Thank you Justin for sharing the circumstances and your heartfelt thoughts at the loss of your fsther-in-law. May he RIP🙏🏼
I'm so very sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace and may perpetual light shine upon him.
Beautiful tribute to a well-loved man. Few in-laws are ever described as “wonderful”. You, and he, are truly blessed.
Beautifully said.
Brought a tear to my eyes, both the news about Margaret Anna Alice's mother, and the poem. You would think she has had enough major grief in her life these past few months, but apparently not. She is in my daily thoughts already.
Thank you for letting me know.
Praying for her and her precious mother. May God's bountiful grace and mercy overwhelm her so much that she feels His very presence. Margaret Anna Alice, surely the Lord knows your pain and carries your sorrows. He is enough.
Prayers up for Mary Alice. "Do not stand at my grave and weep." More poignant words were never written. My Dad said as much. He wanted us to say, "Yay, Dad! You made it!" Or as Jesus told us, “A little while longer and the world will see Me no more, but you will see Me. Because I live, you will live also” (John 14:19).
Thank you so, so much, TriTorch, for your extraordinary support and devastatingly beautiful words. I just read your poignant comment and the replies and am sobbing with gratitude to you and the rest of the C&C family 😭
I wanted to update everyone here on the latest as well as providing some additional details for context.
My mom has had a chronic cough for around six months. She thought it was allergies at first, then when it persisted, she thought maybe it was bronchitis. I kept needling her to make a doctor’s appointment so we could make sure it wasn’t serious, but then she’d start feeling better for a day or two, so she kept thinking it was just a chest cold or something that would go away on its own.
It didn’t, and it continued worsening, so she finally made a doctor’s appointment. The x-ray showed lung inflammation, so they did a CT scan. The good news is they ruled out cancer, which was our biggest concern. They still didn’t know what it was and thought maybe it was atypical bronchitis. This didn’t sound right to me because her symptoms are not ever-present. She does okay in the mornings, but then she starts having coughing fits in the afternoons and evenings. I knew there was something more serious and unusual going on.
Thankfully, she was able to get a pulmonologist’s appointment quickly due to a cancellation. He then scheduled her for a bronchoscopy on Monday. Yesterday, we received the results.
She has a pseudomonas infection, which her doctor described as extremely serious, and he wanted her to start on antibiotics immediately.
Pseudomonas can be life-threatening for anyone, but it’s particularly dangerous for her because she has lupus.
The pulmonologist wanted to prescribe Levofloxacin, but my mom had a severe reaction to just one pill of that previously, so that option is out. The next best option, he said, is Ciprofloxacin (Cipro).
I was extremely concerned about this choice because it has a horrible safety profile, and I have heard about numerous severe reactions to it. I called her pulmonologist’s office to express my concerns and find an alternative antibiotic with a better safety profile.
Unfortunately, he said if she doesn’t tolerate the Cipro, she would have to be hospitalized for a week while receiving intravenous injections of an antibiotic.
This was not a viable option, either, because hospitals are so dangerous, and I didn’t want her to get hospicided! Plus, he couldn’t even tell me in advance which antibiotic they would put her on because that decision would be made at the time of admission by the hospitalist, so she could just as well end up on Cipro there (when I asked about this possibility, I was told they may still use it but combine it with Benadryl if she has a reaction; this sounded like a potential nightmare of mushrooming drugs to treat cascading side effects, so I want to avoid this scenario if at all possible).
I researched all of the other antibiotics typically prescribed for this condition, and they all have horrendous potential side effects. This is such a severe infection (often antibiotic-resistant), it requires the most powerful antibiotics available, and those inevitably come with great risks.
The greater risk, however, is leaving the infection untreated as it could easily be fatal, and it clearly was not going away on its own.
So we had a Hobson’s choice and felt the only viable option was to proceed with the Cipro prescription and just hope everything goes smoothly and she doesn’t suffer severe side effects.
I did not want her to be alone while on Cipro, however, so we decided to have her stay with me during the 10-day course of treatment. That way, I can continually monitor her, and if she does have a dangerous reaction, I can get her to the hospital ASAP and pursue the IV administration as Plan B. (I pray that won’t be necessary, but if it is, I will be studying Jeff’s hospital guide! https://www.coffeeandcovid.com/p/-hospital-covid-guide-10-)
Her insurance requires her to use Walgreens, which is notoriously understaffed, so they haven’t even filled the prescription after nearly 24 hours.
This is actually helpful, though, because it gives us a day to prepare for my mom’s stay. I just got over a head cold, fever, and sore throat (the first time I’ve had anything like a cold or flu in over 20 years; thankfully, I had ivermectin on hand as well as an arsenal of supplements, so I followed the FLCCC protocol for flu along with my own additions and recovered within a week), so I need to change the sheets and clean as much as possible.
I am also going to make bone broth, turkey breast, and turkey soup to aid with her healing, so I have a lot of cooking and cleaning to do before she arrives!
Once we had a plan of action in place, we both felt better. I still have concerns about Cipro and wanted to make sure this was the best course of action, so I consulted a natural pharmacist friend and the husband of a longtime friend. We just happened to have met in person last week and had struck up a correspondence because we learned we have a shared passion for not only health but also the COVID injection harms (thanks to our mutual friend, Bill Kauth, for raving to him about my Substack; Bill attended Michael’s service, and I talked about him and share a pic of us in the eulogy post: https://margaretannaalice.substack.com/p/eulogy-for-the-patron-saint-of-insects). I decided to consult him because I know he is knowledgeable about Big Pharma corruption, the dangers of most drugs, and natural alternatives. He agreed with our decision and said it is very important for her to start on antibiotics because pseudomonas is such a dangerous infection. He also recommended she take Dr. Ohhira’s probiotics, which he has published papers on and considers the best probiotic in the world. Even though he and his wife were about to hop on a plane this morning to visit their family for Christmas, he took the time to mail a box of those probiotics to me (at no expense) before they departed. He also provided instructions and offered to do a Facetime once they arrive so he can walk us through the process (need to make sure they’re not in the stomach at the same time as the antibiotics, etc.). That should protect her gut health while she takes the Cipro and help her recover afterward. Having that as well as his availability to advise us gives additional comfort during this experience.
Apologies for the lengthy post, but since everyone here was so exceptionally kind and supportive, I wanted to give you the full picture and let you know things are progressing as well as possible under the circumstances.
We have many blessings to count, including:
1) we finally know the cause of her cough;
2) she doesn’t have cancer;
3) it is treatable;
4) 10 days on antibiotics isn’t as bad as the year and a half on antibiotics she was warned about if it was another kind of infection they had feared;
5) it will be gone in a couple of weeks if all goes to plan;
6) the best probiotics in the world and availability of one of the best natural pharmacists in the world (I would name him but don’t want to do so without his permission; I did encourage him to join Substack to share his life-saving knowledge, though, and will introduce him later when he gives the okay and is ready); and
7) the prayers, love, and support of the C&C community and countless friends, readers, and other compassionate individuals around the world 🙏
Thank you, everyone, for your amazingly wonderful support, and please excuse my relative unavailability in the coming days in advance. And now, I need to get busy cooking and cleaning!
MAA bless your Mom. I hope she tolerates the Cipro and I'm interested in knowing if Dr. Ohhiro's probiotics help. I've never heard of him but the few times I've taken antibiotics [Penicillin being one] I've not tolerated them very well. So that seems logical to have that available. Trying to stay prepared can be daunting but it sounds like you and your family have a plan. Merry Christmas.
Bing Crosby singing What Child is this- beautiful.
https://youtu.be/kYUljI4Skjw?si=nU9d4N2PKxGWknbZ
God bless you and your mother. Prayers have been said and will be again.
"If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd march right up to heaven, and bring you home again." Sums up the power of the human soul and experience. Thank you Tri.
As requested TriTorch, prayers offered up for Ms. Alice and her mom. The Lord knows what they need, and He will provide the Graces. In Jesus' Holy Name I pray.
🙏
Prayers for her and her mom. Life is so hard but we can make it alittle easier by lifting each other up.
Amen!
Prayers for Margaret Anna Alice. She's had a tough year.
Praying for MAA and her mom 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️
Wow! Tritorch! That made me cry. I am praying for Ms. Alice and her mother. I want to also say thank you to the wonderful crew at C&C for praying for my husband's surgery yesterday! I was so touched to see so many respond. Surgery went well and he appears on the road to recovery, God's Will be done! God will hear all those of us praying for Ms. Alice and her mother. I pray that He takes both of these women in His loving arms, holds them close, comforts them, heals them and gives them both what they need as He Wills it. Amen
So relieved to hear such great news Karmy, thank you for the update and best to your husband’s swift recovery
It saddens me to learn about MAA & her mom. She has had much to deal with of late. Prayers for comfort & healing, in it's many forms, for each of them. May they each have all that they need today & each day of this new life's journey. ❤️🙏