☕️ THE CANARY IN THE COLE MINE☙ Monday, April 27, 2026 ☙ C&C NEWS 🦠

Special Edition Part II: the stupidest manifesto in history, and the Cole Allen story broadens to swallow the collective left.

Good morning, C&C, it’s Monday! The latest assassination attempt delivered a ‘manifesto’ yesterday, which mandated a follow-up. Then, hearing the cries of dying canaries, I stumbled into the dark cesspool of BlueSky. So today delivers Part II of the Assassination Special Edition, beginning with the most moronic manifesto in American history, moving through the left’s delirious response to it, and then applying logic to predict the surprising sequel.

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By now, if your scrolling addiction is even moderate to low, you’ve already seen news of would-be assassin Cole Allen’s ‘manifesto’ —a generous label, considering his supposed intellectual credentials. Frankly, and disappointingly, Allen set the bar pretty low, considering all his degrees from top universities and “Teacher of the Year” status. Anyway, so far as I can tell, only the conservative New York Post printed the complete version, in a story headlined, “Exclusive: Read White House Correspondents’ Dinner gunman Cole Allen’s full anti-Trump manifesto.

If you want to know what’s really wrong with America today, look no further than our manifesto writers. There was a time when a proper manifesto had some heft to it. It was typed on a manual typewriter in a cabin with no electricity, walls lined with aluminum foil, and it usually involved a very detailed and complex (if mathematically questionable) explanation of why the industrial revolution was a bad idea.

But today? Today we get Cole Allen, 31, formerly a Los Angeles resident, but now permanently rehoused with the Bureau of Federal Prisons.

Right before he launched his failed attack, Cole, who uses the online nickname “coldForce” (which sounds less like an assassin and more like a brand of men’s body wash available at gas stations), released a 1,052-word document outlining his deeply held grievances. He signed it: Cole “coldForce” “Friendly Federal Assassin” Allen. (Quote marks in original. And yes, he gave himself two nicknames.)

To be clear, I did not make that up. He actually called himself the “Friendly Federal Assassin.” (For the record, that is also a good name for a Casper the Friendly Ghost reboot in which Casper gets very online and very angry about government policy. Or a good name for a punk rock band: The Friendly Federal Assassins. Either way.) It was the kind of title you give yourself when you are trying your best to murder high-ranking government officials— but you also want to make sure you get a good Yelp review. Four stars. He shot at the podium, but he was very polite and asked for consent first.

🔥 Cole’s manifesto reads less like a chilling declaration of ideological warfare and more like a passive-aggressive, virtue-signaling email dispatched to a homeowners’ association.

He starts off by apologizing. A lot.

“Let me start off by apologizing to everyone whose trust I abused,” he wrote. He apologized to his parents for lying about having an interview. He apologized to his colleagues for saying he had a personal emergency. He apologized to the people he sat next to on the train from LA (for not wearing deodorant? Cole didn’t say. It sounded embarrassing). He apologized to the people who moved his luggage.

Wading through this pointless litany of polite regret, I expected him to next apologize to the hotel front desk clerk, for not signing up for the Hilton Honors rewards program. I know I missed out on double points, and for that, I am truly sorry.

This is the problem with modern extremism: it’s entirely too concerned with fake etiquette. It’s downright unmanly, dammit. You can’t launch an armed assault on the highest levels of the federal government and then worry about whether you inconvenienced the bellhop. Pick a lane, Cole. Are you a fearless instrument of divine justice, or are you the guy who leaves a note on a parked car after lightly tapping the bumper?

As annoying as that was, Cole’s virtue-signaling nonsense quickly became even more exasperating. Cole, our Friendly Federal Assassin, then laid out his “Rules of Engagement.” The CalTech engineer and NASA intern actually typed the words: “(probably in a terrible format, but I’m not military so too bad.)” (Add to the long list of other mysteries that a man who presumably once calculated orbital insertion trajectories for spacecraft could not figure out how to format a bulleted list.)

This is like a bank robber handing the teller a note that says, Please give me all the money (sorry about the handwriting, I’m a Pisces).

His ‘rules of engagement’ were basically an overlong list of people he was not going to target. Hotel employees? Not targets. Guests? Not targets. Secret Service? Only if necessary. He even specified that he hoped the Secret Service was wearing body armor (they were), because he was using buckshot instead of slugs, “in order to minimize casualties.” Um.

For some reason that no one can yet explain, Cole specifically said FBI Director Kash Patel was not a target. Corporate media is having a field day with that one.

🔥 Cole Thomas Allen is, without a doubt, the most virtue-signaling domestic terrorist in American history. He’s like a compassionate vegan considerately telling everyone about the health benefits of organic carrot dogs at a church cookout— he wants to make the point, but he also doesn’t want to be blamed for ruining anyone’s afternoon.

Next came his overly defensive “Rebuttals to Objections” section, which was my personal favorite. Cole actually anticipated how people might complain about his ‘selfless’ actions, and pre-argued with himself in his ‘manifesto.’

For just one example: “Objection 2: This is not a convenient time for you to do this.”

Who does he think would make this objection? Who looks at a heavily armed man storming a hotel ballroom with murderous intent and says, “You know, Cole, this is a really inconvenient time for me. I have a Zoom call at 3:00, and I haven’t even had my coffee yet. Could we reschedule the assassination for Thursday?”

And Cole’s self-centered, ungrammatical, pre-rebuttal? “I need whoever thinks this way to take a couple minutes and realize that the world isn’t about them.” My plan is more important than YOUR silly problems.

That’s right. The guy who decided to take it upon himself to violently alter the course of American history is accusing other people of being self-centered. Cole “needs” people to consider his priorities.

Cole wrapped up his masterpiece as if he were a great artist accepting an award: with a boring but emotional thank-you speech. He thanked his family. He thanked his friends. He thanked his colleagues for their “positivity and professionalism.” He thanked his students for their “enthusiasm and love of learning.” He even thanked, and I quote, “the many acquaintances I’ve met, in person and online, for short interactions and long-term relationships.” Thank you, Circle-K clerk, for selling me those nicotine pouches.

It was an Orwellian Oscar speech from a man who, in his own deluded mind, had just won something important. As best I can tell, the award he envisioned was for Lifetime Achievements in Grievance. He’d like to thank the Academy. He’d like to thank his parents. He could not have done this without all of you. Please hold your applause.

What exactly was he thanking them for? Their love? Their companionship? Their perspectives and inspiration? Cole never said. But the implication was clear: somewhere along the way, his third-grade teacher’s encouragement, his college roommate’s friendship, and a stranger’s kind word on Reddit all combined to produce this.

You’re welcome, America.

When you read Cole’s thank-you section carefully, you notice something very unsettling beneath the ridiculous Oscar-speech format. Cole isn’t just saying goodbye to people he loves. He’s performing for an audience he expects to approve. The whole letter was written as if there was, somewhere out there, a community of folks who will read it and think: finally, someone was brave enough to do it. We’ll return to that thought in a moment.

This was without a doubt the most troubling part of the ‘manifesto.’ Is there a community of folks who are clapping right now, since, as Cole wrote, “I don’t see anyone else picking up the slack”? And if so, what should we do about that, if anything?

A coherent nation cannot long allow that malevolent spirit of violence and discontent to continue.

🔥 Then, at long, painful last, Cole finally signed off. But, just as the reader breathed a sigh of relief, Cole compulsively added a long postscript complaining about hotel security. (Unsurprisingly, a last-word freak.) Below his signature, Cole tacked on, again without demonstrating a shred of evidence of his postgraduate education: “PS: Ok now that all the sappy stuff is done, what the hell is the Secret Service doing? Sorry, gonna rant a bit here and drop the formal tone.”

What formal tone?

The “informal postscript” was, ironically, a scathing one-star review of the event’s security measures. “I expected security cameras at every bend, bugged hotel rooms, armed agents every 10 feet… What I got (who knows, maybe they’re pranking me!) is nothing.”

Well, Cole, it was not absolutely “nothing.” After all, you did end up shirtless, face down, hogtied on the carpet, having murdered nobody. Say what you like about the many inexcusable security failures (as I did yesterday), but the last person who should be bragging about that is Cole Allen. He made it about 75 feet —only because he was sprinting— and never even set foot on the staircase.

Either way, you could almost hear the disappointment in his voice. He went to all this trouble to become the Friendly Federal Assassin, and nobody even checked his bag. It must have felt like studying for weeks for his doctoral dissertation, only to find out the professor was grading on participation. I brought multiple weapons! he essentially complained. Notice me!

He ended, at last, for real this time, with a heartfelt message aimed at the youth of America: “Oh and if anyone is curious is how doing something like feels: it’s awful. I want to throw up… Can’t really recommend it! Stay in school, kids.”

Thank you, Cole. We’ll be sure to add that to the curriculum, right after the side effects of vaping.

We surely live in the most bizarre possible timeline. We now have virtue-signaling assassins who apologize to luggage handlers, write FAQs for their own crimes, and complain about the lack of security like a disappointed tourist at Islands of Adventure.

If this is the future of political extremism, we might not even need the Secret Service. We just need a really good customer service department to handle all the complaints. Oh well.

Casper the Virtue-Signaling Assassin can continue submitting his complaints from SuperMaxx, since his “manifesto” also counts as a confession.

🔥 Hopefully, now that we have rightfully mocked Cole’s moronic manifesto, you’ll allow me a few more serious comments. Cole Thomas Allen is not our biggest problem.

BlueSky isn’t 4chan, Discord, or a darkweb channel. BlueSky is where progressive journalists, academics, Democratic political operatives, and mainstream left-leaning professionals went after rage-quitting Twitter. It is, by design, a curated, credentialed, “respectable” space for progressive intellectual discourse. BlueSky is also where Cole Allen lived. Per the Washington Free Beacon, Cole signal-boosted posts on BlueSky calling for Trump to be ‘immediately removed from office and tried for high crimes’ — a fact corporate media has declined to dwell on or even mention.

So I dipped a tentative toe into BlueSky, hoping to find at least one good quote. What I found was a seething volcano of approval, defense, and justification for Allen’s assassination attempt.

BlueSky provides evidence of the real problem, a visible strain of cowardly but obvious approval. They aren’t even trying to hide it. It ranges from the carefully worded —“we condemn the violence but understand the frustration” to the openly celebratory in progressive social media. From BlueSky, this morning:

This is but one example of countless posts arguing that the assassination attempt was Trump’s fault. Another strain finds the political violence a perfectly natural and expected response from smart people like themselves:

Chillingly, the general and enthusiastic consensus from so-called “progressive elites” is that more political violence is coming:

Equally unsettling, the progressive left is starting to manufacture a pantheon of resistance ‘folk heroes,’ comparing Cole Allen favorably to the healthcare CEO assassin Luigi Mangione, for whom they’ve made t-shirts, mugs, memes, and filled Etsy to the brim. The obvious message: kill people who disagree with us.

In a CNN interview yesterday, Democrat strategist Van Jones saw what’s happening, too. “I’m starting to worry about something,” Jones said. “Which is that the shooter survived, which means on Monday he’s going to court, which means there is a danger that people try to make him some sort of hero.” He added, “You watch what happened with Luigi, who shot a CEO to death, and somehow became a hero.”

🔥 Even among the left’s more cautious political and media types, the word “but” has been doing enormous work over the last two days. “It’s deplorable but it represents a large group of unhappy Americans.” This is the rhetorical equivalent of, “I’m not saying he should have done it — I’m just saying I understand why someone would.” That’s not actually condemnation. That’s a permission structure dressed up in plausible deniability.

For instance, yesterday, while generally decrying political violence, former president Barack Hussein Obama mused, “We don’t yet have the details about the motives behind last night’s shooting at the White House Correspondents Dinner.” Meaning, let’s not judge him too hastily.

These few examples aren’t BlueSky outliers. They were the majority. What I found myself looking at in shocked horror was not random outrage. It was a complete rhetorical ecosystem — every possible angle of justification, minimization, and encouragement, all present in a single thread, all collecting likes. Someone normalizes him. Someone predicts more. Someone invokes Luigi to make it feel heroic. Someone denies it was even serious. Someone says the system started it.

Collectively, BlueSky doesn’t just approve of Cole Allen. They’re constructing a complete permission structure for the next attempt. They are answering every single objection in advance, exactly the way Cole’s own manifesto did— except they’re doing it for a world audience.

The unavoidable conclusion is that the radicalization pipeline is now fully normalized on the mainstream left. When BlueSky resoundingly celebrates Cole Allen within hours of the event, with no pushback of any kind —not despite their respectability but through it, using the language of trauma and systemic injustice and folk heroism— it means the permission structure for political violence has migrated out of the fringe and into the mainstream left’s social infrastructure.

The “more to come” posts are not predictions— they are invitations. When Dawn Humphrey said that more Cole Allens would emerge, she was not warning anyone. It’s not something that troubles her. She was describing an outcome she considers logical and, implicitly, deserved. When oakidoaki replied “More to come!” in enthusiastic agreement, that post was visible to everyone in the network.

It invites copycats. It reassures anyone else who might be on the fence that their community will applaud them as well. That is radicalization infrastructure, operating in the open, on a platform packed full of corporate media journalists who will never ever report on it because they all quietly agree.

🔥 BlueSky isn’t the canary. It’s the coal mine.

Actually, the coal mine is the broader left-wing media and cultural ecosystem, which spent years building the rhetorical conditions for this: the “by any means necessary” framing, the “this is literally fascism” escalation, the Luigi celebration, the normalization of “punching Nazis” as an ill-defined category that can expand to fit anyone the speaker dislikes. BlueSky is just where we can see the temperature most clearly, because the users there are less guarded than they would be on a platform with a mixed audience.

Here’s the problem. The next escalation in this logic is not a more competent Cole Allen targeting the same level. It’s some deranged leftist who reads the same permission structure and concludes: why aim so high when you can aim locally and actually succeed? Think of a Republican Congressman from a rural district who might tip the House scales were he gone. A conservative county commissioner. A school board member who voted the wrong way on segregating bathrooms. A judge who upheld parents’ rights.

These kinds of targets have essentially zero security. They are accessible. They live in neighborhoods. They have routines. The ideological framework being assembled on BlueSky —the system is violent, normal people have had enough, there’s more to come— does not specify a target level.

It just specifies the category: people who support the wrong side.

This progressive revenge fantasy is as delusional as it is wicked. The left’s pro-violence permission structure is being built entirely inside a fantasy of perpetual opposition— as if Republicans are a sleepy occupying force that can simply be disrupted into submission. What progressives fail to model is the response. They are not asking: if we succeed, then what? The answer is not the fall of the Trump regime.

It is the consolidation of it.

In America, political violence against a movement’s opponents has almost never weakened that movement. In the 1960s, leftist violence from groups like the Weather Underground, Black Panthers, and the SLA handed Nixon his mandate. McKinley’s assassination birthed Theodore Roosevelt. The attempted assassination of Reagan in 1981 generated a gigantic wave of public sympathy that helped cement his political dominance. Butler, Pennsylvania, almost certainly shifted votes, if not cemented Trump’s election.

But beyond that, Republicans currently grasp every lever of federal power. They have a Supreme Court majority that includes a justice who just survived a leftist assassination attempt and whose colleagues watched it happen. They have a president who has already survived three attempts (that we know of) and whose political identity is now substantially built around that survival. They have a base that is, by any measure, better armed than the opposition.

And they have —this is the part the left is not thinking about— the legitimate legal and constitutional machinery to respond to a pattern of political violence against local and federal government officials with overwhelming institutional force. Think Insurrection Act. Think martial law.

The people celebrating on BlueSky never ask themselves what happens if they succeed? Or, more to the point, what happens if enough people who read their posts try and fail. They are not the side holding the federal apparatus, the Supreme Court, the Insurrection Act, and three more years on the clock. They are lighting matches in a room they do not control, can’t clearly see, and they seem to think the room will burn in the direction they choose.

Is there anyone left in the Democrat party to recognize the danger and stop this runaway train? Because the old saw is true: something that can’t go on forever won’t. And this —whatever progressives believe they are doing— cannot go on for much longer. And runaway trains never stop gently.

The optimistic take is that, whatever happens, it will produce a long-overdue catharsis, a purge of hatred and violent impulses, ultimately delivering a new birth of harmony, civil engagement, and communal respect. But we might hit a few speed bumps first. So hang on to the armrest.

Have a magnificent Monday! Come back tomorrow morning, for a regular roundup of essential news and commentary.

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