Congratulations on your sobriety and my hat is absolutely off to you! I think that is something to be very proud of.
I probably read something wrong, so my apologies. I do not suggest celebrating any addictions.
Where I'm coming from with Lennon's lyrics has been well employed in times of extreme darkness in my life. My PTSD from early life abuse was at its worse in the early 2000s. I could not sleep, eat, leave the house, and was so terrified in general I hid in the closet when the phone rang. Don't ask, it was nuts. Looking back, I absolutely can laugh at that, although it was certainly not funny at the time. I can laugh or I can cry, and I'd rather laugh. Anyhow, I had extreme guilt (but rarely still do) over another child who was also being abused and was then killed. I felt responsible, even though I was a child. That's part of PTSD.
I decided to end my life because I could not live with the guilt any more. I wrote a note, got everything ready, apologized to everyone, and knew I would absolutely die that night. I still remember sitting in the back yard in the evening with the spring beauties blooming and my crabapple in bloom writing that note. Early April is the anniversary of her death and so I decided it was appropriate timing for me to go. But, I realized I was too stupid to figure out how to end my life. I thought of some methods (don't want to get into those) but also decided those might not work and I needed them to work. So, my decision was to smoke pot until I got a creative idea and/or to get out of it enough to do something I don't want to post here. Instead, I got so high that I passed out somewhere (can't remember where now but it was in the house) and woke up the next day hung over as hell but obviously alive.
For me during the worst of PTSD, and honestly though losing family and all friends to the scamdemic, I had to do and still have to do whatever I can/could to "get through the night". I'm not looking for sympathy here at all, but like millions of others, the past four years have been devastating. I lost people because I chose to speak up, lost others for political reasons, lost others to death, lost a cousin and family to a triple murder-suicide, am losing an aunt to ALS, and I watch my dad decline physically and mentally - I swear it's more and more each week, all trying to keep my home, keep eating, and going to a job I am really starting to hate. So for me, after living through the dark years of the PTSD (which is 99% gone, I think) now I'm in a new dark place and I'm using the tools I learned during that time to get through this time. For me, one of those tools was to do what ever got me through the night was just fine and dandy, because at least I'll live to fight another day. Right now I'm so depressed I am ready to give up. I'm in a really bad space and don't know how to get out of it. I am not religious - and with no disrespect to anyone whatsoever - I don't want to be. So, I need to find my own way out. I will eventually.
I want to start a support group for those who have lost family and friends and jobs and homes and whatever else because they chose to stand up for their beliefs from the scamdemic. I can't be the only one who has symptoms of PTSD from that.
I really appreciate your comments and I'm sorry if I read anything wrong.
I appreciate your comment, but that's not for me. I don't want to sound disrespectful to you or to anyone who believes, but it's just not for me at all.
Congratulations on your sobriety and my hat is absolutely off to you! I think that is something to be very proud of.
I probably read something wrong, so my apologies. I do not suggest celebrating any addictions.
Where I'm coming from with Lennon's lyrics has been well employed in times of extreme darkness in my life. My PTSD from early life abuse was at its worse in the early 2000s. I could not sleep, eat, leave the house, and was so terrified in general I hid in the closet when the phone rang. Don't ask, it was nuts. Looking back, I absolutely can laugh at that, although it was certainly not funny at the time. I can laugh or I can cry, and I'd rather laugh. Anyhow, I had extreme guilt (but rarely still do) over another child who was also being abused and was then killed. I felt responsible, even though I was a child. That's part of PTSD.
I decided to end my life because I could not live with the guilt any more. I wrote a note, got everything ready, apologized to everyone, and knew I would absolutely die that night. I still remember sitting in the back yard in the evening with the spring beauties blooming and my crabapple in bloom writing that note. Early April is the anniversary of her death and so I decided it was appropriate timing for me to go. But, I realized I was too stupid to figure out how to end my life. I thought of some methods (don't want to get into those) but also decided those might not work and I needed them to work. So, my decision was to smoke pot until I got a creative idea and/or to get out of it enough to do something I don't want to post here. Instead, I got so high that I passed out somewhere (can't remember where now but it was in the house) and woke up the next day hung over as hell but obviously alive.
For me during the worst of PTSD, and honestly though losing family and all friends to the scamdemic, I had to do and still have to do whatever I can/could to "get through the night". I'm not looking for sympathy here at all, but like millions of others, the past four years have been devastating. I lost people because I chose to speak up, lost others for political reasons, lost others to death, lost a cousin and family to a triple murder-suicide, am losing an aunt to ALS, and I watch my dad decline physically and mentally - I swear it's more and more each week, all trying to keep my home, keep eating, and going to a job I am really starting to hate. So for me, after living through the dark years of the PTSD (which is 99% gone, I think) now I'm in a new dark place and I'm using the tools I learned during that time to get through this time. For me, one of those tools was to do what ever got me through the night was just fine and dandy, because at least I'll live to fight another day. Right now I'm so depressed I am ready to give up. I'm in a really bad space and don't know how to get out of it. I am not religious - and with no disrespect to anyone whatsoever - I don't want to be. So, I need to find my own way out. I will eventually.
I want to start a support group for those who have lost family and friends and jobs and homes and whatever else because they chose to stand up for their beliefs from the scamdemic. I can't be the only one who has symptoms of PTSD from that.
I really appreciate your comments and I'm sorry if I read anything wrong.
I understand you aren’t religious; actually I’m not either. But I am a believer & follower of Jesus.
I ask you to please read the gospel of John. From beginning to end.
I appreciate your comment, but that's not for me. I don't want to sound disrespectful to you or to anyone who believes, but it's just not for me at all.