My single mom raised me to be very independent. Not because she was an AWFL, but because her father demeaned her as a child, she was raised by very, young parents. She hated men until the day she died, except for her grandchildren, she saw them having no flaws, which created deep rifts between us at times.
My single mom raised me to be very independent. Not because she was an AWFL, but because her father demeaned her as a child, she was raised by very, young parents. She hated men until the day she died, except for her grandchildren, she saw them having no flaws, which created deep rifts between us at times.
But I didn't go to the extreme, I had a failed relationship, one child, and a failed marriage, twins, but I didn't blame them. I blamed the fact that I never had a good father figure, someone who loved me unconditionally. I went looking for love and found lust.
It wasn't until I met my last husband, when I had learned to accept that I was still a good person and was doing the best I could in a world that taught me how to be myself. I forged my life with pain, loneliness, and at times emotional suffering, but these are things I inflicted on myself due to my choices, and when I found I made better choices, my life and other people in my life became themselves better people.
Yea I had a close relative whose husband cheated on her at least 3 times before she found out. Went thru an awful divorce and ended up a single parent barely able to support herself. Being almost 20 years older than me, she took it upon herself to teach me not to get married until I had already proven that I could support myself.
Fast forward many decades later and my husband got glioblastoma. He passed last December. I had 2 kids at home and no job when he was diagnosed. I had taken 5 years off to homeschool my kids. I went back to work but you better bet my kids are being told regularly to marry a woman who can support herself and him for my son and my daughter to be able to support herself and her family if necessary. That whole TradWife thing is cute and all but the reality is that many women don’t have that option and it has nothing to do with their choices.
I do think that one of the most important things to come out of the feminist movement was the ability for women to get a job even when married, and in positions other than teacher, nurse or secretary. As your experience illustrates, sometimes life throws you a curve ball and it’s good to be prepared with skills and a work history if that does happen.
I think of this too. Women in history were many times left to ruination and poverty if they lost their husbands. How is that upholding the dignity of women to give them no means to survive and destitution their only option with no man in the picture? There is a balance that needs to be had. I think our current culture where women can work part time or out of the home is fantastic for this.
Agree!! And I personally think that is one reason why prostitution has existed for so long. Women who didn’t have a man to support them had very few options and that was sometimes what they had to do to survive 😕 I’m also glad women have more options today. The internet has actually been a huge boon imo since it can give workers a lot more flexibility.
Yes, I think that’s a fair point. What do they have left to sell but the use of their body? Especially if it meant food for their children. And then they are derided by society for being prostitutes…except for Jesus…
And yet, good for those that have found that type of fulfilling relationship for themselves. We are unique, and I think the point is we shouldn't thrust our view of the world on anyone else.
We each have to muddle through and make sense of it ourselves. I'm glad for them. I wanted a family like that, but didn't know how to get there because it was never modeled for me. These women have found self-confidence that I never had. They can be themselves.
I suppose that you could bite the bullet and argue that it is better instead to use the extended family or church for this kind of support. Or that this kind of systemic risk is less bad than the alternative.
I am also unsure whether a society that has to artificially restrict the opportunities available to women or a large portion of its members deserves to survive: if people are not voluntarily sacrificing and doing their part, why should it exist?
My single mom raised me to be very independent. Not because she was an AWFL, but because her father demeaned her as a child, she was raised by very, young parents. She hated men until the day she died, except for her grandchildren, she saw them having no flaws, which created deep rifts between us at times.
But I didn't go to the extreme, I had a failed relationship, one child, and a failed marriage, twins, but I didn't blame them. I blamed the fact that I never had a good father figure, someone who loved me unconditionally. I went looking for love and found lust.
It wasn't until I met my last husband, when I had learned to accept that I was still a good person and was doing the best I could in a world that taught me how to be myself. I forged my life with pain, loneliness, and at times emotional suffering, but these are things I inflicted on myself due to my choices, and when I found I made better choices, my life and other people in my life became themselves better people.
Yea I had a close relative whose husband cheated on her at least 3 times before she found out. Went thru an awful divorce and ended up a single parent barely able to support herself. Being almost 20 years older than me, she took it upon herself to teach me not to get married until I had already proven that I could support myself.
Fast forward many decades later and my husband got glioblastoma. He passed last December. I had 2 kids at home and no job when he was diagnosed. I had taken 5 years off to homeschool my kids. I went back to work but you better bet my kids are being told regularly to marry a woman who can support herself and him for my son and my daughter to be able to support herself and her family if necessary. That whole TradWife thing is cute and all but the reality is that many women don’t have that option and it has nothing to do with their choices.
I do think that one of the most important things to come out of the feminist movement was the ability for women to get a job even when married, and in positions other than teacher, nurse or secretary. As your experience illustrates, sometimes life throws you a curve ball and it’s good to be prepared with skills and a work history if that does happen.
I think of this too. Women in history were many times left to ruination and poverty if they lost their husbands. How is that upholding the dignity of women to give them no means to survive and destitution their only option with no man in the picture? There is a balance that needs to be had. I think our current culture where women can work part time or out of the home is fantastic for this.
Agree!! And I personally think that is one reason why prostitution has existed for so long. Women who didn’t have a man to support them had very few options and that was sometimes what they had to do to survive 😕 I’m also glad women have more options today. The internet has actually been a huge boon imo since it can give workers a lot more flexibility.
Yes, I think that’s a fair point. What do they have left to sell but the use of their body? Especially if it meant food for their children. And then they are derided by society for being prostitutes…except for Jesus…
Agreed. I’m thankful for that aspect.
And yet, good for those that have found that type of fulfilling relationship for themselves. We are unique, and I think the point is we shouldn't thrust our view of the world on anyone else.
We each have to muddle through and make sense of it ourselves. I'm glad for them. I wanted a family like that, but didn't know how to get there because it was never modeled for me. These women have found self-confidence that I never had. They can be themselves.
I suppose that you could bite the bullet and argue that it is better instead to use the extended family or church for this kind of support. Or that this kind of systemic risk is less bad than the alternative.
I am also unsure whether a society that has to artificially restrict the opportunities available to women or a large portion of its members deserves to survive: if people are not voluntarily sacrificing and doing their part, why should it exist?
Chriss - thanks for sharing, well said. I'm glad for you.
Good for you. Congratulations. Enjoy.