☕️ CLASSIFIED SQUID ☙ Tuesday, January 10, 2023 ☙ C&C NEWS 🦠
An update on the CTV reporter; an update on the Thai princess; an update on the new GOP congress; Joe Biden found hoarding classified documents; covid experts craft a scary name for XBB; and more.
Good morning, C&C, it’s Tuesday! Your roundup today includes: lots more info about that CTV reporter who had what looked like an on-air stroke this weekend; more info on Thailand’s Princess Bajrakitiyabha; The new Republican Congress starts fulfilling campaign promises; democrats’ double-standard machine shifts into high gear as Joe Biden found keeping classified documents in unclassified places; and covid experts roll out a terrifying new variant name. You’ll never want to go back in the ocean.
🗞 *THE C&C ARMY POST* 🗞
🔥 ERRATA / FOLLOW-UP: Yesterday, I lampooned the unfamiliar Hawaiian word “Ohana,” which has lately been co-opted as an amorphous and ill-defined corporate wokecabulary word for something about inclusiveness, unmerited rewards, and virtue. But many alert commenters — plus the diligent Suzette — informed me the word’s delightful actual meaning is “extended family,” sort of like our great big C&C Ohana. It was popularized a few years ago in Disney’s movie Lilo & Stitch, which I missed because my kids were the wrong age and gender at the time.
So thanks, Ohana!
🗞*WORLD NEWS AND COMMENTARY* 🗞
💉 Many folks were concerned for the young CTV reporter from yesterday’s post, who had what appeared to be a potentially serious, sudden and unexpected medical incident live on-air this weekend. So to allay your concerns, I dug up some more information for you. Her name is Jessica Robb. Reports suggest she is recovering at home. Probably. Maybe.
Yesterday, Jessica’s caring, helpful employer Canadian TV put out a terse, lawyerlike, uninformative statement FOR her, since she wasn’t doing it fast enough, or something:
Haha, thanks CTV, that sounds nothing at all like a hostage statement. And it’s an awful forgery, or at least part-forgery, since it was obviously drafted by lawyers or with legal help. I should know.
Amusingly, note who Jessica’s “statement” does NOT thank. Haha, she didn’t thank CTV, her doting employer who was publishing the statement on her behalf. You’d think she might’ve mentioned them, and all their motherlike assistance during her difficult day. Neither did Jessica mention how she was doing, or whether she was even conscious.
Why doesn’t Jessica just speak for herself? Well, one reason she can’t is because her social media accounts have been suddenly and unexpectedly locked down:
Makes total sense. She’s perfectly fine! Nothing to see here! Just lock it all down and put it in storage, boys. She won’t be needing these social media accounts now that she’s … uh, doing so well. Plus, we can scrub all those awkward jab-related tweets, since the jabs had nothing whatsoever to do with it, how dare you.
Of course, the Internet is forever, and quick-acting folks had already screenshotted Jessica’s Twitter thread discussing catching covid again after feeling lucky to have her three (3) shots, back in late April, back when she didn’t mind sharing her medical information:
Out of an abundance of caution, CTV Edmonton also locked down its own social media. Up to mid-day on the 8th, all their news tweets allowed comments:
That was the last one. Since then, all their tweets have comments DISABLED.
I guess for some reason they don’t want to hear from us. What are you hiding from, you yellow-bellied, lizard-lipped cowards?
Oh well. In case you missed yesterday’s post, maybe because you were serving on a jury or comatose or something, here’s the original video that caused all the ruckus:
Maybe whenever Jessica gets back, she can tell us what Tiffany Dover is up to lately, and when we might expect Tiffany’s long-awaited proof of life video.
💉 During my Jessica Robb research, I came across this well-produced but heartbreaking video:
That clip is excellent. We need more like that. If anyone knows who produced it, or where the original, full version can be found, please let Suzette know.
💉 About three weeks ago, I reported on Thailand’s beloved Princess Bajrakitiyabha, 44 — a real princess — who’d suddenly and unexpectedly collapsed after a “cardiac incident” while training her dogs for an upcoming competition. At HOME.
Saturday, the royal palace issued a statement updating Thai people about the Princess’ condition. The statement explained that the princess blacked out on December 15th from “severe heart arrhythmia resulting from inflammation following a mycoplasma infection.”
Princess Bajrakitiyabha is resting peacefully in Bangkok. Unconscious. She has not yet woken up, over three weeks later.
Wikipedia says mycoplasma infections cause pneumonia. For some reason, the entry doesn’t mention sudden, unexpected, asymptomatic cardiac arrests. But what do I know? I’m just a lawyer, not a propaganda minister.
🔥 The new Republican Congress has started fulfilling campaign promises. Late yesterday they voted to de-fund the 80,000 new IRS agents that Biden ordered as part of his plan to “combat inflation.”
House Freedom Caucus member and Representative Mark Green won the race to chair the key Homeland Security Committee, defeating deplorable Dan Crenshaw, who recently called Freedom Caucus members “terrorists.”
Also, Representative Mike Rogers, who recently lunged at Representative Matt Gaetz during the votes for Speaker, has announced he will step down from the House Steering Committee.
🔥 This is the kind of story that makes me believe in “White Hats.” CBS News ran a story yesterday headlined, “U.S. Attorney Reviewing Documents Marked Classified From Joe Biden’s Vice Presidency Found at Biden Think Tank.”
Apparently, Joe Biden was storing some classified documents at a commercial office building in Washington, D.C. , where six years ago he’d leased an office for his money-laundering outfit, I mean his “think tank,” the Penn-Biden Center for Diplomacy & Global Engagement:
Before the midterm elections, CBS News reporters got an anonymous tip about the documents, disclosing that sensitive classified documents including nuclear secrets were laying around in Biden’s old office, which was “secured” by a single lock on the office’s front door.
So of course, CBS told the DOJ and kept quiet.
Showing uncharacteristic sensitivity, grandmotherly Attorney General Merrick Garland waited until now, safely AFTER the midterm elections, to acknowledge the story and assign the case to a US Attorney — not in Washington DC or Florida or Texas — but in Chicago, of course. You gotta love that city.
CNN said the unsecurely-stored classified materials include top-secret files designated “sensitive compartmented information,” or SCIF, meaning the super-highly sensitive classified information originally came from U.S. intelligence sources. The New York Post reported that the Penn-Biden Center’s DC office, where the classified documents were “stored,” was paid for by donations from China — of course — totaling over $54 million dollars that Penn collected from the communist superpower.
Unlike President Trump, the former vice-president had no authority to declassify anything.
According to The Hill, President Trump asked, when does the FBI plan to raid Biden’s various homes, to find out if there are more illegally removed, classified documents in Biden’s possession?
Haha, good one.
People, PLEASE. Don’t fly off the deep end. This is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. I’m not sure how yet, but the democrats will be telling us all about it, very soon.
🔥 The narrative is hanging on by a thread, and covid cashperts, I mean paid experts — in a pathetically obvious attempt to get folks to pay any attention at all to their brand-new-and-improved variant — are pulling out all the stops. Last week Jimmy Fallon ‘sang’ an appalling and frankly embarrassing song on live TV about “XBB.1.5:”
Then over the last few days, corporate media has been valiantly efforting a salty new movement to brand the next variant with a more memorable name than a bunch of capital letters and numbers. Unfortunately, they may have overshot the mark — just a smidge — when they hysterically labeled it, “the Kraken.” I am not making that up.
The actual Kraken is a terrifying, Godzilla-sized, civilization-destroying, killer mega-squid:
(The “real” Kraken is also fictional. So. Just saying.)
On the other hand, variant XBB.1.5, a/k/a “the Kraken,” is a tiny microscopic virus that causes a mild cold in some people. Sore throat, runny nose, mild cough. Well, except for triple-boosted people, who are at highest risk of hospitalization, and are being advised by experts to take MORE of the magic jab juice. You see, the trillions of tiny spikes filling your veins are like little-bitty harpoons to attack the microscopic kraken virus.
Take your jabs! This fearsome monster must be destroyed, at all costs! Sure, there could be collateral damage. But, for the love of Her Majesty’s Navy! Have you no feelings, man? It’s the Kraken!
Unfortunately for the narrative, the Kraken has been long-since obsoleted by the even-more-terrifying Doomsday Variant, from two years ago:
Speaking of clowns, reliable Pharma-clown Dr. McHonkHonk responded with alacrity, with his lovely public service-message about the terrifying new oceanic variant. Enjoy:
Have a terrific Tuesday! I’ll see you Ohanas back here tomorrow for more. I know, I probably used that word wrong again.
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