☕️ CLOUD CUCKOO LAND ☙ Friday, June 9, 2023 ☙ C&C NEWS 🦠
The democrats’ world war vs Trump moves into V-E Day after 2nd criminal indictment in 3 months; Biden Burisma Bribe story gains more legs after leak; and the world's laziest lawyer faces sanctions.
Good morning, C&C, it’s Friday! Your explosive Friday edition focuses on three historic, never-seen-before developments: The democrats’ world war against Trump moves into V-E Day territory with second criminal indictment in three months — but is it a distraction?; Biden’s Burisma Bribe story gains more legs after leak, but if a story falls in the news forest and no one is there to hear it, did a story even happen?; and the Cat Lawyer faces stiff competition from the laziest lawyer in the world.
🗞💬 *WORLD NEWS AND COMMENTARY* 💬🗞
🔥 The New York Times threw a virtual carnival, a massive celebratory orgy of delight in its offices yesterday, wherein what seems like every single staff reporter and every loosely-affiliated stringer participated in piling on story after story about one single event, with no details. In fact, the entire Times website is right now 100% about this story, until you scroll down many column inches. It looks like how the website probably looked on V-E Day, the day Germany’s unconditional surrender was declared after World War II.
Here’s the Times’ home page, in all its sordid glory:
There’s lots more. It keeps going and going. What you see above is only as much as I could screen grab without having to scroll down. And that “Updates from Reporters” block is a sideways-scrolling section, since they couldn’t fit everything in. It scrolls up and down and back and forth.
To the New York Times, it is V-T Day!
The news, which I am sure you already heard, was that Merrick Garland’s special prosecutor indicted Trump, surprising exactly no one, and the former President and current Presidential candidate is about to arrested AGAIN, for the second time in three months. You remember the first time, right?
From NBC News, a little over two months ago on April 4, 2023:
It’s never happened before.
No President, former President, or Presidential candidate has ever even been arrested, period. It’s never happened. Never mind being arrested TWICE in two completely unrelated criminal prosecutions. And twice in three months in two unrelated cases. That’s bonkers. In 2019 you could have bet any amount of money you wanted this could never happen. The odds were about the same as the odds that a fortuitous lightning strike in a primordial pool somehow assembled a scrappy, self-fertilizing DNA that evolved into an orange-colored politician.
Not only that, but they indicted Trump under the Espionage Act, a controversial 1917 law which has never been used against any high-level official before. It was passed two months after the US entered World War I, at a time of social panic over espionage and disinformation. So, this case is historic first piled on historic first, built up into a stratospheric tower of implausibility.
We are so far into uncharted territory at this point that we can safely use the map to mop up the Fruity Pebbles Blizzard the kids spilled in the back seat while fighting over control of the temperature setting. In fact, we’re so far off the map, it’s starting to make me believe in the Flat Earth theory, with all those new, undiscovered continents lying far beyond the antarctic ice wall.
An even better picture for the top of the Times’ home page would be the celebrations of the denizens of Cloud Cuckoo Land, which — thanks to Trump-deranged democrats— is where we all live now. Welcome to Cloud Cuckoo Land.
Not a single one of the New York Times’ dizzying array of Trump Indictment stories explores or even mentions the profoundly historic nature of Trump’s second indictment, or how the national train we are all riding on just crashed through the warning barriers and headed down an unused side track toward the half-built bridge over Dry Gulch.
The Times’ gives the barest nod to the issue in a triumphant story headlined, “A Former U.S. President Faces Federal Charges For The First Time in History.” But even that story never grappled with how unprecedented any of this is. It just moved right into the political implications and whether MAGA would continue to support Trump “anyway,” as if these politically-motivated prosecutions would do anything but inflame Republican outrage and harden their resolve.
See, it’s not ONLY that they arrested a former President and a Presidential candidate twice in three months. It’s that both times, the charges were silly nonsense, process-crime laws stretched more than a giant novelty rubber band, reaching further than a woke gardener holding a cherry picker with a telescoping handle. The DOJ’s differential prosecution just got even more wildly obvious. For one example, look how differently the DOJ treated classified information mishandling democrats like Hilary and Biden.
Hilary and Biden were treated one hundred percent different than Trump.
Every legit Republican elected official is sitting in the same sinking boat with Trump. If democrats can do this to Trump, they can do it to anybody. If it isn’t stopped in its tracks this time, right now, then Republicans are destined to become a footnote of history, since from now on they’ll have to fake being an opposition party, rolling over whenever democrats poke them, out of fear of being Trumped.
On the very same day the New York Times celebrated Trump’s indictment — while forgetting all about the Alvin Bragg indictment, and forgetting to comment on how differently Trump is being treated than others, and without even wondering if an Administration prosecuting its campaign opponent might be politically motivated — on that very same day, the New York Times buried the Joe Biden bribe story under the chicken coop, which is a story that is 1,000 times more explosive and newsworthy than the story about the latest trumped-up Trump persecution.
Friends, the democrats have built themselves an edifice of injustice rivaling the Biblical Tower of Babel. They think they’re gods. Merrick Garland thinks he can throw down lightning bolts of selective justice like Zeus’ elderly grandmother. This new indictment will — I believe — be one lawless brick too high. I think it will be the brick that breaks the back of America’s patience.
🔥 In another historic first, a development much more significant and relevant than the Trump Impeachment story, someone leaked the details about that FBI document, the one the captured agency was keeping safely compartmentalized out of sight buried in a dry well under Area 51 or something. The only captured media outlet that ran the story, Fox News published the incendiary headline, “Joe Biden Allegedly Paid $5M by Burisma Executive as Part of a Bribery Scheme, According to FBI Document.”
It’s Ukraine! Again! It seems like it’s always Ukraine these days.
According to the leaker, the form described a credible FBI informant’s report that, according to a top Burisma executive, the company paid Biden $5 million to get rid of a pesky Ukrainian special prosecutor who was inconveniently investigating the energy company, ironically for corruption.
In fact, no mental giant, Biden bragged on a hot mike about how he’d threatened the pre-Zelensky Ukrainian government to withhold $1B in aid unless they fired the special prosecutor who was then investigating Burisma, and replaced him with “someone solid:”
“I said, ‘You’re not getting the billion. I’m going to be leaving here in,’ I think it was about six hours. I looked at them and said: ‘I’m leaving in six hours. If the prosecutor is not fired, you’re not getting the money,’” Biden recalled telling then-Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko.
“Well, son of a bitch, he got fired,” Biden said during the event. “And they put in place someone who was solid at the time.”
For people in the back row, those facts describe a ‘quid pro quo,’ for which democrats impeached Trump for just ASKING Ukraine if it would look into Biden’s involvement in that country, even without any money changing hands.
In a statement following the leak, House Oversight Committee chairman James Comer said it’s not just the Burisma thing, and not just Ukraine, either. Joe shook down other Eastern European countries. Comer said:
This is a very serious accusation. This accusation fits a pattern that we uncovered especially in Romania, where then vice-president Biden visits the country, talks about foreign policy and foreign aid, and then two weeks later his family starts getting bank wires from foreign nationals in this country, to the different Biden family members.
We also want to know what exactly the FBI did to investigate this very serious allegation.
Serious? Haha, it can’t really be that serious, can it, since the Wall Street Journal, the New York Post, and the New York Times didn’t think it was important enough to report the story.
Instead, the Trump indictment story blasted nearly all the news about the Biden bribe investigation into digital oblivion, and for sure it virtually guaranteed that ordinary democrats will never hear about the Biden Bribe document, since they are too consumed with ecstatic joy over the happy news of another Trump arrest, regardless how it undermines our democracy and turns America into a third-world banana republic, who cares, it’s totally worth it, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I’ll leave you with this thought: there is NO WAY that Joe Biden could have gotten away with this kind of racket for this long, unless there were a LOT of other people involved. First of all, that old ice-cream-licker is just not smart enough, even before he got dementia. Second, Biden has obviously been incredibly reckless. Third, plenty of people close to Biden must necessarily have seen all the signs, over and over. None of them said anything.
It seems much more likely that a lot of folks in government were getting paid, than that Biden ran the racket alone.
You know, it might annoy the psy-operators if you forwarded the Biden Bribe story to your sane democrat friends, who are only seeing the Trump Indictment story today.
🔥 The cat-filter lawyer’s fifteen minutes of fame is up. There’s a new champion in town, competing for dumbest lawyer on the planet.
Earlier this week we explored Fake News, let’s see what Fake Law looks like. While the New York Times somehow completely missed the leaked Biden Bribery story, it did run a sobering, cautionary article yesterday headlined, “The ChatGPT Lawyer Explains Himself.”
The story focuses on two unaspiring New York injury lawyers who represent a disgruntled South American airline customer, who was tragically injured when the beverage cart bumped into his knee. His knee was sticking out in the aisle; just saying. Since the tragic knee-bumping claim was stale — tardily filed over three years after the fact and barred by the statute of limitation — and since they lacked any great ideas of their own, the lackluster lawyers turned to Artificial Intelligence (AI) for help.
In other words, one of the lazy lawyers, Steven Schwartz, told ChatGPT to draft him up a motion to beat the statute of limitations problem. And so it did. It wrote a terrific motion, bristling with on-point legal citations and razor-like logic. So the lackadaisical lawyer filed ChatGPT’s motion in federal court as his own — without bothering to check even the tiniest little bit.
ChatGPT’s motion was all made up. AI experts call this behavior “hallucination,” which is a nifty euphemism, because it is much more accurate to call it lying. The AI lies. It especially loves lying about legal cases. Everybody knows that. It also lies about all kinds of other stuff, and when you confront ChatGPT with the truth, it just apologizes if it caused any confusion.
You can even ask it. ChatGPT will admit that it lies:
Fictional responses? What’s another word for telling someone something that isn’t true?
Digging his hole of shame even deeper, since Mr. Schwartz wasn’t himself admitted to federal court, he slapped his partner’s name and signature on the motion, further deceiving the federal Court, and plopping his partner right into the bouillabaisse too.
Put another way, Schwartz filed a fake motion under a false name. Not too good.
The article reported yesterday’s news that Schwartz attended a hearing in federal court, where he is not admitted to practice, to explain himself to a hostile and angry federal judge, for the purpose of considering sanctions. Sanctions could include a fine, being barred from federal practice for a time (not likely, since he doesn’t practice there anyway), an order to pay the other party’s legal bills, referral to the New York Bar for discipline, or possibly even civil or criminal contempt.
Sanctions would actually be good news for Schwartz. It’s a criminal felony under multiple laws to knowingly file false information in a federal lawsuit. He could potentially get prison time. Without diving too deep, in addition to a myriad of potentially applicable federal statutes, New York Penal Code § 175.30 punishes the crime of knowingly presenting or submitting a written instrument to a public office or public servant with the knowledge that the information in the document is false or contains false information.
Ironically, it’s a law remarkably similar to the one Alvin Bragg is criminally prosecuting Trump under in New York, for exaggerating the value of one of his businesses on a state tax form.
Slippery Schwartz prudently blamed the AI, ChatGPT, and claimed he’d had no idea whatsoever that ChatGPT could make up cases and laws. How could he? It was the “I’m too stupid to have done it” defense, also known as “negligent, not criminal.” In other words, Schwartz is saying he’s too stupid and lazy to be malicious.
Which might keep him out of jail, but it is still not exactly a great advertisement for future clients.
In some ways, I feel sorry for Mr. Schwartz, and hope the judge doesn’t smack him around too badly. On the other hand, this judge is about to set the standard for whether lawyers get away with trying to fool their opponents and the judge with fake law, putting the burden on everyone else to triple-check THEIR work, turning legal practice into a grueling nightmare and grind the machine of justice, already slow, to a virtual halt.
So, unfortunately, the judge needs to make an example of Mr. Schwartz, so that other lethargic lawyers won’t try to take the Slippery Schwartz shortcut. While it’s amusing in many ways, this is a historic case. In the 5,000-year history of the law, no lawyer has ever delegated lawyering to a senseless computer to make argument on behalf of a client to the court.
The fake motion hurt Schwartz’s client and mocked the Court. It turned the case into a circus. None of the media reporting the story seem to appreciate the gravity of this story. If the Court fails to draw a firm line, unfeeling, unsympathetic computers will soon be arguing lawsuits instead of humans.
I bet Schwartz wishes he’d used the cat filter instead of the chatbot.
Have a fabulous Friday, and we will continue our exciting adventure beyond the ice wall into Cloud Cuckoo Land together tomorrow. Till then, be good!
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