I disagree respectfully. Had we openly talked about my nephew's additions (plural) he'd likely still be alive.
The first step in a 12 step program (I'm in one) is to admit we were powerless over an addiction. That is not a permanent state, in my opinion, but without recognizing how much an addiction screws up the lives of the person who h…
I disagree respectfully. Had we openly talked about my nephew's additions (plural) he'd likely still be alive.
The first step in a 12 step program (I'm in one) is to admit we were powerless over an addiction. That is not a permanent state, in my opinion, but without recognizing how much an addiction screws up the lives of the person who has it and everyone who has to deal with that person and their inevitable destruction their addiction brings to others, not a darn thing changes. A person can't solve a problem without looking it in the face, in my opinion.
IMO there is nothing wrong with having vices. I addicted to coffee and horror films. I know most people don't understand the latter one. But both bring me some happiness is an otherwise dark world for me (right now.) Maybe someday darkness will lift, but in the mean time, I think John Lennon was dead on: whatever gets you through the night.
Appreciate the comment Four Winds and sorry for your loss.
I don't mean that we should ignore addictions, but that we shouldn't talk about them in celebratory terms. The OP's comment was, "I feel like like a junkie when you're gone...jonesin' for Childers".
I'm not trying to be a prude here saying certain language is off the table. What I am saying is that when we boast of being a slave to something, even in a light-hearted manner, it has a negative effect on us. This particularly happens when we do it repeatedly as perception becomes reality.
I enjoy Jeff Childer's commentary as much as everyone else here. But I'd never describe myself as "jonesing' for Childers" as it's an incredibly negative thing to say about oneself. Addictions are self-destructive acts that ruin lives, even supposedly "good" addictions. I do have some experience here having been a drug addict and an alcoholic in my mid-twenties, now decades sober and successful through the grace of God. And my life is infinitely better when I exercise self control rather than let addictions into my life.
Respectfully, I completely disagree with John Lennon's sentiment of "whatever gets you through the night". Those lyrics are an promotional invitation to self-indulgence and immediate gratification, two of the most destructive human impulses. Successful and happy people exercise self-control and work to improve themselves, they don't let themselves succumb to their basest human desires.
As to my comments regarding coffee, caffeine addiction is a relatively mild one as far as these things go, and certainly better then getting hooked on drugs, alcohol, gambling, or sex. But it is an addiction, and an area of my life where I don't exhibit good self-control. This is not something to celebrate but something to improve.
I've always said (when countering friends' allegations that I'm not sympathetic to "addictions"...is "The only thing I'm 'addicted' to is BREATHING....everything else is pure nonsense and indulgence" (they do not agree with my take--but I'm stickin' to it!)
That's a good take, JC. I'm struggling to find encouraging words for a friend who tends to confess her faults and then laugh them off, like “I’m a mess and such is life. SMH. Ha Ha Ha.” That’s a complex coping mechanism, and I question the effect. Confession is good for the soul, but to pseudo self-derisively laugh about a fault looks a bit like humble bragging, and it seems to fool her into thinking her fault is nothing she can fix. Worse than that, we’ll do more of what makes us laugh.
One of the eye opening moments for me was when I finally got serious about studying the Bible. Paul talks about the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-26:
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another."
There it is right in verse 22, *self control*, it's the last item in a list of desirable qualities and ties them all together. This passage follows those where Paul describes those living in the flesh (Gal 5:19-21):
"Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like"
Every one of those stems from a lack of self-control and many of them are addiction based. God didn't design us to live like this, we were made for so much more. When we boast of our shortcomings it dawned on me that is actually a rebellion against God.
The fact that everyone I know who exercises self-control is far happier than those who don't makes me sure these are the inspired Word of God.
Self control has always been something I lacked in my life until I read Galatians 5 and started asking God to make the fruit of the Spirit evident in my life, and I started to crucify my flesh daily. I'll never reach perfection but I am aware and repentant. It has completely transformed my life to the point that I don't even recognize the person that I was. I cringe when I see Christian women post things like "I love Jesus but I drink a little and say **** alot." Drinking to excess and speaking filth are not virtues, and yet they see them as endearing qualities about themselves. I can say this as someone who used to have the same mentality. I thank God for conviction 🙌
What a testament to the working of the HOLY Spirit in your life, Jenna. I have often said if you don't have the HOLY Spirit guiding your life choices...the UNholy 'spirits' take over - be it drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, 'stuff'!!
We DON'T NEED more government IN OUR LIVES--instead we NEED MORE BIBLE! I have pointed to the Supreme Court ruling back in 1964 or 1965 in response to a lawsuit filed by an atheist named Madalyn Murray O'Hair as the beginning of the DOWNWARD MORAL SPIRAL in our country. The Bible was read in school at the beginning of the day IN EVERY CLASSROOM when I went to school.
This horrible Supreme Court ruling was made right after I graduated. Even though most of the kids in the classroom didn't read the Bible--having it READ TO THEM means they were "pierced with the double edged Sword of the Spirit of our Creator God. The Word NEVER returns unto itself "void" - in other words...there will always be GOOD FRUIT in souls from hearing the Word of God.
You are right! You are right, and there are those who will call you a pharisee for it. The key is to differentiate self-control animated by the Holy Spirit, and self-control for the sake of self righteousness and pride.
"You're putting me under the law," they might say. No. Obedience that is animated by the Holy Spirit is not the same as obedience in an attempt to self-justify.
And it's sad that I learned this from analyzing a sermon wherein the pastor strongly implied that people who preach holiness are pharisees.
Whether or not someone is born again is between the Lord and that person. But if their pattern of behavior exhibits a lack of self-control, they're angry, and have no visible fruit, they might need to hear the whole Gospel again.
You have generated some great discussion here, Jeff C.
For me, one of the best coping methods I had was laughing at myself. When I accidentally left for work without pants because I was so out of it due to PTSD, I could laugh or cry. I chose to laugh. I don't remember how I explained why I was late.
That works really well for temporary disasters like forgetting to wear pants and what happened in my kitchen one morning. My kids and I were hurrying, and I dropped a half gallon of milk on the floor. It exploded, and I almost threw a fit until I thought about crying over spilt milk. That cracked me up. The kids were enormously relieved and made a chipper little game out of helping me clean-up. It was actually life changing. My friend laughs at such stuff too. It’s just odd that she laughs off something that seems to bother her.
Congratulations on your sobriety and my hat is absolutely off to you! I think that is something to be very proud of.
I probably read something wrong, so my apologies. I do not suggest celebrating any addictions.
Where I'm coming from with Lennon's lyrics has been well employed in times of extreme darkness in my life. My PTSD from early life abuse was at its worse in the early 2000s. I could not sleep, eat, leave the house, and was so terrified in general I hid in the closet when the phone rang. Don't ask, it was nuts. Looking back, I absolutely can laugh at that, although it was certainly not funny at the time. I can laugh or I can cry, and I'd rather laugh. Anyhow, I had extreme guilt (but rarely still do) over another child who was also being abused and was then killed. I felt responsible, even though I was a child. That's part of PTSD.
I decided to end my life because I could not live with the guilt any more. I wrote a note, got everything ready, apologized to everyone, and knew I would absolutely die that night. I still remember sitting in the back yard in the evening with the spring beauties blooming and my crabapple in bloom writing that note. Early April is the anniversary of her death and so I decided it was appropriate timing for me to go. But, I realized I was too stupid to figure out how to end my life. I thought of some methods (don't want to get into those) but also decided those might not work and I needed them to work. So, my decision was to smoke pot until I got a creative idea and/or to get out of it enough to do something I don't want to post here. Instead, I got so high that I passed out somewhere (can't remember where now but it was in the house) and woke up the next day hung over as hell but obviously alive.
For me during the worst of PTSD, and honestly though losing family and all friends to the scamdemic, I had to do and still have to do whatever I can/could to "get through the night". I'm not looking for sympathy here at all, but like millions of others, the past four years have been devastating. I lost people because I chose to speak up, lost others for political reasons, lost others to death, lost a cousin and family to a triple murder-suicide, am losing an aunt to ALS, and I watch my dad decline physically and mentally - I swear it's more and more each week, all trying to keep my home, keep eating, and going to a job I am really starting to hate. So for me, after living through the dark years of the PTSD (which is 99% gone, I think) now I'm in a new dark place and I'm using the tools I learned during that time to get through this time. For me, one of those tools was to do what ever got me through the night was just fine and dandy, because at least I'll live to fight another day. Right now I'm so depressed I am ready to give up. I'm in a really bad space and don't know how to get out of it. I am not religious - and with no disrespect to anyone whatsoever - I don't want to be. So, I need to find my own way out. I will eventually.
I want to start a support group for those who have lost family and friends and jobs and homes and whatever else because they chose to stand up for their beliefs from the scamdemic. I can't be the only one who has symptoms of PTSD from that.
I really appreciate your comments and I'm sorry if I read anything wrong.
I appreciate your comment, but that's not for me. I don't want to sound disrespectful to you or to anyone who believes, but it's just not for me at all.
I don’t think Jeff was saying not to talk about addictions at all, more like not to be flippant about them. Not to act like it’s normal and ok that your life revolves around a person or thing to the exclusion of everything else. Unless I misunderstood. Which is also possible.
And sometimes that’s what it takes: whatever gets you through the night. Not a quote I was familiar with, but I completely agree. And what can be one person’s saving grace might be another’s downfall. We’re each on a different path, even though we will all answer to the same Lord.
I disagree respectfully. Had we openly talked about my nephew's additions (plural) he'd likely still be alive.
The first step in a 12 step program (I'm in one) is to admit we were powerless over an addiction. That is not a permanent state, in my opinion, but without recognizing how much an addiction screws up the lives of the person who has it and everyone who has to deal with that person and their inevitable destruction their addiction brings to others, not a darn thing changes. A person can't solve a problem without looking it in the face, in my opinion.
IMO there is nothing wrong with having vices. I addicted to coffee and horror films. I know most people don't understand the latter one. But both bring me some happiness is an otherwise dark world for me (right now.) Maybe someday darkness will lift, but in the mean time, I think John Lennon was dead on: whatever gets you through the night.
Appreciate the comment Four Winds and sorry for your loss.
I don't mean that we should ignore addictions, but that we shouldn't talk about them in celebratory terms. The OP's comment was, "I feel like like a junkie when you're gone...jonesin' for Childers".
I'm not trying to be a prude here saying certain language is off the table. What I am saying is that when we boast of being a slave to something, even in a light-hearted manner, it has a negative effect on us. This particularly happens when we do it repeatedly as perception becomes reality.
I enjoy Jeff Childer's commentary as much as everyone else here. But I'd never describe myself as "jonesing' for Childers" as it's an incredibly negative thing to say about oneself. Addictions are self-destructive acts that ruin lives, even supposedly "good" addictions. I do have some experience here having been a drug addict and an alcoholic in my mid-twenties, now decades sober and successful through the grace of God. And my life is infinitely better when I exercise self control rather than let addictions into my life.
Respectfully, I completely disagree with John Lennon's sentiment of "whatever gets you through the night". Those lyrics are an promotional invitation to self-indulgence and immediate gratification, two of the most destructive human impulses. Successful and happy people exercise self-control and work to improve themselves, they don't let themselves succumb to their basest human desires.
As to my comments regarding coffee, caffeine addiction is a relatively mild one as far as these things go, and certainly better then getting hooked on drugs, alcohol, gambling, or sex. But it is an addiction, and an area of my life where I don't exhibit good self-control. This is not something to celebrate but something to improve.
I've always said (when countering friends' allegations that I'm not sympathetic to "addictions"...is "The only thing I'm 'addicted' to is BREATHING....everything else is pure nonsense and indulgence" (they do not agree with my take--but I'm stickin' to it!)
Sharon--you've got your priorities in order.
WOW--no one has ever told me that before - muchas gracias, compadre!
That's a good take, JC. I'm struggling to find encouraging words for a friend who tends to confess her faults and then laugh them off, like “I’m a mess and such is life. SMH. Ha Ha Ha.” That’s a complex coping mechanism, and I question the effect. Confession is good for the soul, but to pseudo self-derisively laugh about a fault looks a bit like humble bragging, and it seems to fool her into thinking her fault is nothing she can fix. Worse than that, we’ll do more of what makes us laugh.
One of the eye opening moments for me was when I finally got serious about studying the Bible. Paul talks about the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-26:
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another."
There it is right in verse 22, *self control*, it's the last item in a list of desirable qualities and ties them all together. This passage follows those where Paul describes those living in the flesh (Gal 5:19-21):
"Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like"
Every one of those stems from a lack of self-control and many of them are addiction based. God didn't design us to live like this, we were made for so much more. When we boast of our shortcomings it dawned on me that is actually a rebellion against God.
The fact that everyone I know who exercises self-control is far happier than those who don't makes me sure these are the inspired Word of God.
Self control has always been something I lacked in my life until I read Galatians 5 and started asking God to make the fruit of the Spirit evident in my life, and I started to crucify my flesh daily. I'll never reach perfection but I am aware and repentant. It has completely transformed my life to the point that I don't even recognize the person that I was. I cringe when I see Christian women post things like "I love Jesus but I drink a little and say **** alot." Drinking to excess and speaking filth are not virtues, and yet they see them as endearing qualities about themselves. I can say this as someone who used to have the same mentality. I thank God for conviction 🙌
What a testament to the working of the HOLY Spirit in your life, Jenna. I have often said if you don't have the HOLY Spirit guiding your life choices...the UNholy 'spirits' take over - be it drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, 'stuff'!!
Absolutely!
We DON'T NEED more government IN OUR LIVES--instead we NEED MORE BIBLE! I have pointed to the Supreme Court ruling back in 1964 or 1965 in response to a lawsuit filed by an atheist named Madalyn Murray O'Hair as the beginning of the DOWNWARD MORAL SPIRAL in our country. The Bible was read in school at the beginning of the day IN EVERY CLASSROOM when I went to school.
This horrible Supreme Court ruling was made right after I graduated. Even though most of the kids in the classroom didn't read the Bible--having it READ TO THEM means they were "pierced with the double edged Sword of the Spirit of our Creator God. The Word NEVER returns unto itself "void" - in other words...there will always be GOOD FRUIT in souls from hearing the Word of God.
You are right! You are right, and there are those who will call you a pharisee for it. The key is to differentiate self-control animated by the Holy Spirit, and self-control for the sake of self righteousness and pride.
"You're putting me under the law," they might say. No. Obedience that is animated by the Holy Spirit is not the same as obedience in an attempt to self-justify.
And it's sad that I learned this from analyzing a sermon wherein the pastor strongly implied that people who preach holiness are pharisees.
Whether or not someone is born again is between the Lord and that person. But if their pattern of behavior exhibits a lack of self-control, they're angry, and have no visible fruit, they might need to hear the whole Gospel again.
You have generated some great discussion here, Jeff C.
Amen. You're on solid ground there.
For me, one of the best coping methods I had was laughing at myself. When I accidentally left for work without pants because I was so out of it due to PTSD, I could laugh or cry. I chose to laugh. I don't remember how I explained why I was late.
That works really well for temporary disasters like forgetting to wear pants and what happened in my kitchen one morning. My kids and I were hurrying, and I dropped a half gallon of milk on the floor. It exploded, and I almost threw a fit until I thought about crying over spilt milk. That cracked me up. The kids were enormously relieved and made a chipper little game out of helping me clean-up. It was actually life changing. My friend laughs at such stuff too. It’s just odd that she laughs off something that seems to bother her.
Congratulations on your sobriety and my hat is absolutely off to you! I think that is something to be very proud of.
I probably read something wrong, so my apologies. I do not suggest celebrating any addictions.
Where I'm coming from with Lennon's lyrics has been well employed in times of extreme darkness in my life. My PTSD from early life abuse was at its worse in the early 2000s. I could not sleep, eat, leave the house, and was so terrified in general I hid in the closet when the phone rang. Don't ask, it was nuts. Looking back, I absolutely can laugh at that, although it was certainly not funny at the time. I can laugh or I can cry, and I'd rather laugh. Anyhow, I had extreme guilt (but rarely still do) over another child who was also being abused and was then killed. I felt responsible, even though I was a child. That's part of PTSD.
I decided to end my life because I could not live with the guilt any more. I wrote a note, got everything ready, apologized to everyone, and knew I would absolutely die that night. I still remember sitting in the back yard in the evening with the spring beauties blooming and my crabapple in bloom writing that note. Early April is the anniversary of her death and so I decided it was appropriate timing for me to go. But, I realized I was too stupid to figure out how to end my life. I thought of some methods (don't want to get into those) but also decided those might not work and I needed them to work. So, my decision was to smoke pot until I got a creative idea and/or to get out of it enough to do something I don't want to post here. Instead, I got so high that I passed out somewhere (can't remember where now but it was in the house) and woke up the next day hung over as hell but obviously alive.
For me during the worst of PTSD, and honestly though losing family and all friends to the scamdemic, I had to do and still have to do whatever I can/could to "get through the night". I'm not looking for sympathy here at all, but like millions of others, the past four years have been devastating. I lost people because I chose to speak up, lost others for political reasons, lost others to death, lost a cousin and family to a triple murder-suicide, am losing an aunt to ALS, and I watch my dad decline physically and mentally - I swear it's more and more each week, all trying to keep my home, keep eating, and going to a job I am really starting to hate. So for me, after living through the dark years of the PTSD (which is 99% gone, I think) now I'm in a new dark place and I'm using the tools I learned during that time to get through this time. For me, one of those tools was to do what ever got me through the night was just fine and dandy, because at least I'll live to fight another day. Right now I'm so depressed I am ready to give up. I'm in a really bad space and don't know how to get out of it. I am not religious - and with no disrespect to anyone whatsoever - I don't want to be. So, I need to find my own way out. I will eventually.
I want to start a support group for those who have lost family and friends and jobs and homes and whatever else because they chose to stand up for their beliefs from the scamdemic. I can't be the only one who has symptoms of PTSD from that.
I really appreciate your comments and I'm sorry if I read anything wrong.
I understand you aren’t religious; actually I’m not either. But I am a believer & follower of Jesus.
I ask you to please read the gospel of John. From beginning to end.
I appreciate your comment, but that's not for me. I don't want to sound disrespectful to you or to anyone who believes, but it's just not for me at all.
I don’t think Jeff was saying not to talk about addictions at all, more like not to be flippant about them. Not to act like it’s normal and ok that your life revolves around a person or thing to the exclusion of everything else. Unless I misunderstood. Which is also possible.
This was my take as well.
I was a horror film watcher but often dreams afterward were scary like I invited evil into my sleeping thoughts.
I have things I can watch and things I can't, so I get that. :)
And sometimes that’s what it takes: whatever gets you through the night. Not a quote I was familiar with, but I completely agree. And what can be one person’s saving grace might be another’s downfall. We’re each on a different path, even though we will all answer to the same Lord.