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TriTorch's avatar

Three dinosaurs stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.

Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.

"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"

Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.

The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.

"I've got it!" he cries, "I want a MEATIER shower!"

-Author Unknown

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TriTorch's avatar

Einstein Had To Speak At An Important Science Conference

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place."

"That's a great idea!" says Einstein. "Let's switch places then!"

So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.

But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won't be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says :

"Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I'm going to let my driver reply to it for me."

-Author Unknown

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TriTorch's avatar

ID ten T error

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called David, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

David clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID Ten T error?

What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

David grinned, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No", I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like that little boy.

-Author Unknown

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TriTorch's avatar

One Way Trip to Heaven

A young man stood before St. Peter who tells him "Son, to let you into Heaven you must tell me one good thing you've done on Earth"

The guy thinks for a moment and replies "Well, I saw some some bikers out the front of a bar harassing a girl. So I walked over to the biggest biker, kicked his bike over, pushed him to the ground, and told him to leave the poor girl alone!"

St. Peter is quite impressed with this and says, "Well done my son, and when exactly did this happen?"

"About 5 minutes ago"

-Author Unknown

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Janet's avatar

TriTorch, You must have a million of them so after Janice’s scripture, plant one on us. I’m sure God laughs too. Maybe thats what thunder is. 🤔

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RunningLogic's avatar

God gave us a sense of humor for a reason!! 😁

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Roger Beal's avatar

Some years ago I wrote for a now-retired conservative blog, known for producing "Funny Friday" collections like these ^^^

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Help Needed in KS's avatar

You're on a roll today, Buddy!!

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carily myers's avatar

^^^^

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HoneyPot4Freedom's avatar

I used to do Tech Support for a massive security tech company and this was one of the running jokes! The more commonly used one was the PEBKAC error - Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair.. LOL!

To be fair, our software was not the most intuitive but we would get the client company's "brightest" ITs on the line and some were actually great and could follow direction and get it working, but some were absolute ID ten T errors!

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Dr Linda's avatar

Great!

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Susan Banks's avatar

That was SO GOOD!!! Thank you!!

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Jennifer Beebe's avatar

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Neil Kellen's avatar

I use that one often!

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Dr Linda's avatar

I know that kind of guy who interrupts the speaker.

I love this story, thanks

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Jeff C's avatar

There are two types of interrupters, those who do it to show how smart they are and those who do it to show how stupid the speaker is. The latter may be rude, but at least they serve a purpose in exposing incompetence. The former are just blowhards.

As someone who presents pretty often I learned very early that if I know what I'm talking about, don't make stuff up, and am confident on the subject, I don't get interrupted much. If I am interrupted it's pretty easy to deal with by sticking to the subject and not letting myself get derailed. Contrary to the old saying, there is such a thing as a stupid question, and not every question deserves a response.

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Janet's avatar

As a senior, I sometimes interrupt because I have something to say and might forget what it is I want to say unless I say it as I think it. 🤷🏼‍♀️. Apologies.

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Jeff C's avatar

Haha, thanks Janet. I didn't mean that and apologize as I was too vague in using the word interrupters. Good faith questions are always welcome when I present.

I'm talking about the type of person who interrupts with, "So what you are saying is..." (and then mischaracterizes what I said or brings up an irrelevant point). Unfortunately there are lots of these grandstanding types. I respond with, "we have limited time and that's not directly relevant to the topic. I'm happy to discuss this with you afterwards but let's not tie up everyone else". It works well.

Then there are those that interrupt with, "you said earlier that A was true, now you are saying B is true. so which is it?" These people are rude but they do keep a presenter honest. This situation is avoided by only presenting on things where one knows what they are talking about.

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Jeff C's avatar

At the risk of rambling on, I'd like to expand on this a bit more. At the heart of all this is what some have called the friend/enemy distinction.

The friend asks questions or advances an argument in good faith. They are honest in dealing with others and ask questions to clarify and/or move the conversation forward. They don't have a hidden agenda, and if they do have an agenda they state that clearly.

The enemy asks questions in bad faith and have a hidden agenda (which may just be self-promotion or much more). They misrepresent what others say and put words in their mouth. They state opinion as fact and often use half-truths. They use emotional manipulation tactics and try and make others feel guilty. They shut down conversation by declaring subjects off-limits. Note that the enemy isn't someone who disagrees with us but who acts in bad faith toward us. They may even seem to superficially agree with us.

We have zero obligation to extend the same courtesy to the enemy that we do the friend. In fact, I'd argue that being courteous to the enemy is morally wrong as it enables them. This is where most Christians make a huge mistake IMO, in that they think they are required to be "nice" to people acting in bad faith. We aren't, Jesus certainly wasn't toward the Pharisees. The enemy uses people's good nature against them by making them think and in-kind response isn't allowed. We cannot act in bad faith back to them but we absolutely are able to state the truth regardless of how impolite or shocking it may seem. We also have no obligation to continue to engage with them.

This affects my worldview on everything, and it's had a dramatic effect on my life for the better once I sorted it out.

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Fla Mom's avatar

Too bad you weren't advising Mittens Romney in his presidential 'debates.'

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Jeff C's avatar

Thanks Fla Mom. The problem with that is Mittens uses most of tactics I describe under the enemy despite supposedly being on our side. So does Ben Shapiro FWIW. As Jesus said, "by your fruits you shall know them". People acting in bad faith aren't friends regardless of how much we may agree with them on some things. These people deserve scorn.

Jesus' interactions with the Pharisees are instructive as they represent the ultimate bad faith actors. He said to them, "You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out his desires." (John 8:44) Jesus dealt with them in brutal honesty and called them out for what they were. Yet modern feminized Christianity says we aren't allowed to do that as it isn't "nice". Pretty messed up.

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Fla Mom's avatar

Mittens' problem, or at least one of them, was that the debate 'moderator' was of the enemy, clearly taking a side, and Mittens was so leaden on his feet that he didn't have the wherewithal to call it out; in essence, he accepted her premises, like an idiot, or rather, like virtually all Republicans had before him, infuriating even average citizens who could have done a better job of repartee. That's one of Trump's great advantages - like Mikey in the old cereal commercial, he may not 'eat anything,' but he'll say anything, and he called out the fake news in a way that no Republican before had.

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Jeff C's avatar

Yup, you are exactly right regarding that moderator. Romney wasn't used to having his own tricks pulled on him though and floundered. That's the beauty of Trump, he gets it and knows there's power in rejecting the premise. Remember how some media person tried to corner Trump regarding whether he was on Russia or Ukraine's side? He stated that he was on the side of people not dying. Beautifully handled and morally correct on top of it.

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Janet's avatar

No offense taken. I was joking in the spirit of this mornings C&C. What you say is true though. You have a super day, Jeff. It was fun to start the day laughing. I should leave it at that and just get up with my coffee cup and not look at the more doomsday stuff.

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Robin Greer's avatar

I resemble that remark 😂

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Janet's avatar

One of my favorite utterances, Robin. Just to brag a bit on my Robin (grandkid). He got an award and scholarship for beautifying his high school common areas with native plants and his art contributions last night. He will be entering the plant studies program at UMass in August. Sorry. Had to tell someone. Lol.

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Robin Greer's avatar

Glad you are a proud grandma and glad your grandson is doing well.

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Janet's avatar

UMass doesn’t require the jabs, although he has felt it’s his duty to get them. Since he’s 18 now, we may have a conversation. His mother policed what I told him about current events. I don’t live close.

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Robin Greer's avatar

Sorry that he succumbed to the propaganda to take the vax. Hopefully he was never boosted and hopefully he will come to understand the lies and manipulation the politicians used against the people of this country and the world.

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Janet's avatar

Thank you. He’s on the spectrum and very stubborn but I pray for him.

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liz's avatar

yup same here. extra indulgence for seniors please.

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Oregon Kathy's avatar

Oh my gosh, I feel so much better knowing I'm not alone. The longer I live the more I realize we're more alike then we think and that we just have to give each other grace.

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AngelaK's avatar

Lol. My mom used to say the same thing. I always admonished her for interrupting in conversations with others, but she said that otherwise she would forget.

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Dr Linda's avatar

😂Been there, done that, sorry (I think)

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Leskunque Lepew's avatar

I love it...

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RunningLogic's avatar

That’s awesome!! 😆😁

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Sherry 1's avatar

I ❤️❤️❤️ that! Plan to steal it. 🤗

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carily myers's avatar

^^^^^

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🌱Nard🙏's avatar

I needed ALL of these this morning😂😂. Thank you and happy Friday!

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Janet's avatar

Thank you! Here’s another one for today. “No arse 🕳️ is going to make me feel like Hell today” listen and be cheered.

https://youtu.be/exkXjeKL0hU?si=r61d2zf3SgWCIqCL

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TriTorch's avatar

People need kidneys, it's sad but decreed

And yet this senator's hoarding one more than she needs

I offer this bill and I hope you'll vote aye

Unless of course you just want people to DIE: https://bitchute.com/video/hVPutnVcLcf8

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The Great Resist's avatar

Senator Justin Sane?? Love it!! 😂🤣

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Janet's avatar

Anytime I see wampum draped Liz hit with a rhetorical arrow, it’s a good day.

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TriTorch's avatar

Hahahahahahaha!

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Joanne Shannon's avatar

Thanks for all the laughs!

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Help Needed in KS's avatar

Loved it !!

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Neil Kellen's avatar

major league GROAN...

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TriTorch's avatar

A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Chucks house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died."

Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."

The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"

Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse!"

Chuck said, "Sure I can, Watch me. I just won't tell any body he's dead."

A month Later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?"

Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2495."

The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his five dollars back."

-Author Unknown

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Janet's avatar

I’m liking where this day is going. 👍🏻🤣

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TriTorch's avatar

Swedish Author Entertains Audience for Nearly Five Minutes Straight: https://bitchute.com/video/Ua5ekZoumZVI

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TriTorch's avatar

Thanks, that's a funny ass video ;-j

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Seeking Grace's avatar

6- minute video if you’re wondering. Very entertaining!

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ICI Grief (The Rebel's Hike)'s avatar

Thank you. Knowing that I clicked through and it was funny!

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Anne Clifton's avatar

Tritorch, you inspired me to find my copy of the late T.H. Pearce's book, How to Sell a Dead Mule. Mr. Pearce was a noted historian from Franklin County, NC. The story involves a mule which had seen its best days. Its owner, George, was trying to sell the mule. Hector offered him $3, but George insisted he must get $5 for the mule and Hector left disappointed. The next day, George found that his mule had died overnight. He found Hector and said that he had reconsidered and would take $3 for the mule, but Hector would have to remove him from the stable. Hector paid the $3, only to learn that he had bought a dead mule. Apparently Hector did his part and removed the dead mule from the stable, stating that he would probably done the same thing to George if he'd had the chance.

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TriTorch's avatar

Anne, for some reason this mule story brings 'Delaney's Donkey' to mind:

https://youtu.be/bjrwftI31gc

The muscles of the mighty never known to flinch

They couldn't move the donkey a quarter of an inch

Delaney lay exhausted hanging 'round his throat

With a grip just like a Scotchman on a five pound note

-Val Doonigan

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Anne Clifton's avatar

😂😂😂

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Roger Beal's avatar

That dead horse tale is Sam Clemens-grade material.

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Joanne Shannon's avatar

Hahahaha

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carily myers's avatar

^^^^^

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Jay Horton's avatar

DUDE! you made my day! I hope you have a great weekend and find a tax-free gold bar!

Later Jay

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carily myers's avatar

^^^^^^

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