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Connie Davis's avatar

A few years ago a young father lived across the street from me in Cleveland with his family of 4 boys in a very small 2 bedroom apartment. He worked all the time driving a truck and taking care of his family no mother in sight. He left them $25 every morning for food. One of his sons Amarey the youngest and most confident and outgoing came over to my house all the time to visit and walk my dogs. Eventually they moved away his uncle was shot and killed, not enough money for rent whatever and Amarey promised he would be back “to check up on me”. Five years later, now 19, he and his cousin Christian popped up on my porch. We had an impromptu cookout THEY COOKED and Amarey is headed to Otterbein University on a full football scholarship in the fall. He lives with dad who is now married. His dad kept his boys in the right path always regardless of the hardship for him.

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Verve's avatar

Connie I am so happy to see your post today. As a native Clevelander who grew up straddling the tony suburb of Shaker and the church in the hood that we attended on Kinsman Rd (the now defunct St. Cecilia's), I saw in real time the make or break situations with the families who had no fathers. I had no mother. My mom passed when I was 10 (parents were 36) and my dad was left to raise 3 girls by himself. I used to try to imagine myself as kind of a Nancy Drew, since my dad was an attorney, but life was no mystery novel without a mom, and due to the horrendous hours my father worked I was mostly left to raise myself and help my younger sisters. But even back then I knew I was luckier than most, and my father's expectations of me, although harsh, were the reason I turned out pretty well - educated, faith filled and now married over 30 years with a beautiful family. ("Don't embarrass me" he once famously said, "I will not bail your butt out of Juvie Court"- and that was just an average warning). I know now that he was absolutely terrified to be responsible for the 3 of us, and even had a heart attack at age 45 due to the stress (he lived to 83). My father had the money to put us in boarding school, or hire caregivers, but he didn't. He took full responsibility and expected us to pull our weight. I often have to stop myself from telling my kids the "I walked to school uphill both ways in the snow" stories, but they made me who I am today. Thank God for fathers who step up to the plate. Their reward will be great in Heaven.

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Sharon Beautiful Evening's avatar

Actually....I believe the "boomer generation" (of which I am one) raised children who were coddled just a bit too much and given "things" instead of Godly instruction. The Godly instruction I received was from my Dad, our church AND our schools (public ones where we read the Bible and prayed as well as pledged allegiance to the Flag of the USA each and every school day). With each passing generation, I see more kids growing up like "weeds" without direction, discipline or discretion (of a Godly nature). We are "paying the piper" for this "over"population FALSE gospel - too many kids growing up without ANY father--good, bad or indifferent. It's why the godless governance people are planning "baby pods" where "life is in the pod" and NOT in the "womb"--turns my blood to ice when I read these accounts in "science" articles!!

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Jon Swenson's avatar

I believe WWII significantly impacted the boomer generation more than is acknowledged.

Parents who survived the Depression and a war, and then experienced an economic boom, likely wanted to provide their children with more than they had.

Too few appreciated what they had to survive hardship, is not what they passed along.

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Sharon Beautiful Evening's avatar

A very mindful observation, Jon - I'm certain there is a "truth kernel" to it. My parents were from "the greatest generation' and they struggled financally throughout their almost 51 years of marriage. There were other issues involved in their relationship that affect me and my siblings--so much so, that for many years I thought my father was a brutish sort of person. Now, I realize it may have been a mental issue created by his WW II experiences plus living with a weak-minded (but loving) woman who was mentally "off" for 38 of the 51 years they shared as husband and wife. I seem to have become less judgmental as my 'life road' becomes more narrow--perhaps it's compassion mixed with 'wisdom'--I don't quite know for certain.

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Verve's avatar

Yes, Compassion mixed with wisdom.-- absolutely.

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Connie Davis's avatar

I’m wasn’t born in Cleveland but I was born again there! I think Cleveland is unique a true American treasure

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Verve's avatar

Connie I think we traded comments well over a year ago - I was so struck by your kind words on Cleveland - known to many only as the "mistake on the lake." It's simultaneously a hard scrabble yet elite area that never seems to get any respect, but I was grateful to be raised there. Our public schools were actually amazing back in the 70s and 80s and you couldn't get a more diverse city anywhere. We did "diversity and inclusion" the right way - by merit, creativity, ingenuity and hard work - not color, religion or sexual preference. I went to elementary school with the O'Jays kids - who became their own R&B sensation later as LeVert - Sean and Gerald Levert. Our public school upbringing included annual field trips to the symphony, the world class museums, the Cleveland Clinic, the botanical gardens, the planetarium... the list goes on. I would ride my bike to my grandma's house and down to Little Italy in the summers to get lemon ice, and had cultural education everywhere I turned. My father, a Catholic, was heartily welcomed at the "J" - the Jewish Community Center where he worked out regularly. No place is perfect, but Cleveland was pretty close.

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Jillian Stirling's avatar

Lovely story.

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Connie Davis's avatar

SUCH a great story!

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Connie Davis's avatar

The beauty and uniqueness of Cleveland is the people who live and died here. The founding fathers buried in Lakeview set a very high standard. CMA, the orchestra (although fading from woke management) the park systems are all to be celebrated but it’s the no nonsense cut the crap attitude of the blue collar population that sticks it out without thinking they are sticking it out. It is our secret MY secret now too.

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RunningLogic's avatar

Bless that man and his sons!!

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Dave aka Geezermann's avatar

Great story, thanks for sharing!

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Connie Davis's avatar

Sadly the boys were disappointed because I had neither ketchup NOR barbecue sauce. I said all I had was tapenade and they gagged🤮Christian said “Tapenade is the WHITEST THING!” 🤣🤣🤣 it REALLY is

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DEBORAH E. dds's avatar

haha... I really really needed that laugh today as FAther's Day is the saddest of all holidays for me now. THANK YOU!

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Frontera Lupita's avatar

That’s great…’tapenade’ “are you kidding for a BBQ”, they must have been thinking!😉🤪

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Connie Davis's avatar

🤣it’s the ONLY “sauce” I had

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JCrutcher's avatar

LOL!!!

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Barbls's avatar

"The Pursuit of Happyness" is, I believe, one of the best movies about the commitment of fatherhood.

In my real, local life, a friend's brother impregnated his girlfriend. She wanted an abortion, and he talked her out of it. They were not interested in marrying each other. She cared for the baby for a couple of years in a shared custody agreement. Then one day, she delivered their son and all his belongings to the dad, saying it was his problem and she wanted nothing more to do with their son or him. The boy is now in his mid-teens, having been raised exclusively by his dad. Dad works hard and runs a tight ship at home, and the boy is doing very well.

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Connie Davis's avatar

By the way Christian and Amarey are BOTH voting for Trump

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Sharon Beautiful Evening's avatar

What a wonderful sharing - of TRUE LOVE - sacrificial and non-judgmental (just like that of our Lord Jesus Christ).

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Frontera Lupita's avatar

What a great story…thank you for sharing it. 🙏🏼💗

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Jillian Stirling's avatar

Beautiful

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K2's avatar

Like!

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BBS's avatar

When my son was 10 and my daughter was 8 months, their dad/my husband was killed by a drunk driver. We had plenty of male friends and family who could have stepped up, especially for my 10 yr. old son, but they didn't. We were so desperate to feel "normal" and it would have meant so much to the 3 of us to be included. I am urging all of you guys who know someone who is fatherless, for whatever reason, to , at least from time-to-time, reach out. Male figures are vital in a child's life.

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Mary Ann Caton's avatar

Same happened to my husband’s father. He stopped to help a guy move his disabled vehicle off the road when a drunk driver struck and killed him. Three children were left without a father and my mother-in-law tried so hard to be both parents to them. All 3 are grown adults now who have holes in their hearts that have affected them in different ways.

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FreeBird07's avatar

Agree 100%! My BIL passed away just a month ago leaving a wife and four children 17, 14, 10 and 9. They do have a strong church community with lots of fathers providing support.

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carily myers's avatar

Thank God

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Thunder Road's avatar

Wow. I am so sorry to hear of this tragedy you and your children have had to endure. Perhaps these men who in your view did not step up just really didn't know how or what to do. These situations are so horrible and can be so difficult for people to navigate even from outside. There is no script to follow. Just so much pain and confusion and loss. Of course I don't know anything of your particular situation and do not mean to judge. May God bless you and your children as well as your late husband.

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Paige Green's avatar

Think about it - a man, possibly with a family of his own, spending time with a widow’s children is so sus in this day and age. No offense to your comment, I think it’s beautiful. It’s just that there’s so many bad stories about this type of situation these days, whether real or fabricated.

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Annie's avatar

Agree 💯. I am sorry for your family's loss. 😞 Coaching and being there for all children is important. My husband is much loved as a coach and mentor to the children on our son and daughter's sports teams. 🥰

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Patrice's avatar

My husband died four years ago, at the time my children ranged from 18 to 29. Just last month my son was telling me how much he missed his dad and wished his dad was here to help him navigate life as a new father. Even adult kids need their dad.

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Gram's avatar

Men are vital in single women and moms' lives too!

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carily myers's avatar

YES. We had 5 girls and 1 boy (youngest). Our dad saw each girl differently, who we were, what we liked, tom-boy or fem girl. Dad's are esstential to young girls/women. He passed in 2005 (on my watch). I miss him all the time. He wrote me everyday when I was in Navy boot camp, on an old Royal typewriter (I have it).

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Robin Greer's avatar

What a wonderful dad you had and what a treasure to have the typewriter on which he used to write letters to you . I hope that you have written the story down for your family so that the memory of the typewriter's significance as a memory of your father isn't lost.

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Principled Pragmatist's avatar

Yes. Reading the memoir “Troubled” by Rob Henderson now, who never knew his father, and was abandoned by his mother, only to live in a series of foster homes and semi permanent homes until adulthood. He was desperately seeking a male role model and father figure to fill in the gap. Tremendous story.

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Oregon Kathy's avatar

As a single mom, I agree. Neither friends nor family stood in the gap. People just don't think of such a thing any longer.

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Frontera Lupita's avatar

Amen to that! Kids need a good ‘father’ figure, even if not related.

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NormaJeanne's avatar

Happy Father’s Day to my dad, who married my mom after she and her 4 children were abandoned by her husband. Because of him I married a man who is the epitome of a good husband and father. When he was in the throes of Alzheimer’s he would say to me, "I don’t remember your name, but I know I would die for you!" I miss you Dad! ❤️

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RunningLogic's avatar

—“I don’t remember your name, but I know I would die for you!"

Wow ❤️ That brought tears to my eyes ❤️

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MaryAnn's avatar

Same!

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LisaF's avatar

Mine too!

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carily myers's avatar

Me too

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Sal_Peenx's avatar

Ditto.

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Bandit's avatar

Yes!

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K2's avatar

Same.

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Erin W's avatar

I’ve got tears in my eyes too 😭

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Patriotgirl53's avatar

“I don’t remember your name but I know I would die for you” also brought tears to my eyes! My Uncle is in that predicament now and while the doctors think he knows nothing, he clearly knows us, his family!

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JW's avatar

Going through Alzheimer’s with my Mother she would just stare at us towards the end but you could tell in her eyes that her heart knew who we were.

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DEBORAH E. dds's avatar

wow, one time in a nursing home a gentleman with alzheimers said to me "I remember that I can't remember"! That stuck with me for life. Been 30 something years ago now. Blessings, tears of pain and joy. This is life on this Earth.

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carily myers's avatar

OK, now I'm really crying.

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banjocat's avatar

Pure powerful love... wow. I wrote a post about my father - there is a short animated movie you might enjoy. https://banjocatcreative.com/language-of-the-heart/ Here's to the father's that loved us, made many mistakes, but stayed the course to the end.

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Penny North's avatar

❤️

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Beckadee's avatar

God bless him.

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Sharon Beautiful Evening's avatar

WOW---that last sentence brought tears to my eyes--what a man!!

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Willing Spirit's avatar

❤️💕❤️

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RunningLogic's avatar

Excellent bonus post!! Happy Father’s Day Jeff, and all of the fathers here on C&C! Thank you for all you do to help shape the next generation and transmit good values to your children.

I am missing my own father today, as it is my first Father’s Day without him 😞

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OnTheJump's avatar

🤗

🍻 here's to those of us who are missing ours....they are with us always!

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Maggie Think of Me's avatar

Amen! He's never far from my thoughts.

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OnTheJump's avatar

😇 Never.

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RunningLogic's avatar

❤️

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banjocat's avatar

^^like! RunningLogic, that first Father's Day minus dad is a tough one. Thought I'd share from the heart this post I wrote about my Father... https://banjocatcreative.com/language-of-the-heart/ Much love to all the men out there, father's and not, you are much needed in this upside down world.

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Gram's avatar

Sweet film banjocat! Thank you for sharing the link.

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banjocat's avatar

^^like! Thanks, Gram! When I first watched it I just bawled my eyes out lol

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Willing Spirit's avatar

My dad passed over in 1982. And the older I get the more I love and appreciate him.

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walk2write's avatar

I know what you're going through and pray for your comfort. My dad passed away 20 years ago, and I still miss and think of him every single day.

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RunningLogic's avatar

Thank you ❤️ Prayers for you today too 🙏

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Robin's avatar

Sending prayers RL for wonderful memories. And for comfort from the King!

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RunningLogic's avatar

Thank you Robin! ❤️

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St. Alia the Knife's avatar

RunningLogic, my heart goes out to you - those "firsts" are always hard. May the Lord comfort you and your family and hold you close to Him. 🙏🤗

Mrs. "the Knife"

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RunningLogic's avatar

Thank you Mrs. “the Knife”! Much appreciated ❤️

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NormaJeanne's avatar

❤️

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Jpeach's avatar

Same here!

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RunningLogic's avatar

Praying for peace and comfort 🙏

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Jamison's avatar

It’s hard. 🙏

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Nicole Rivas weaver's avatar

God Bless You, Runnng Logic

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RunningLogic's avatar

Thank you Nicole ❤️

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Robin Greer's avatar

It's so hard when they are no longer here with us.

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RunningLogic's avatar

It really is 😞

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rolandttg's avatar

My 5th former Father's Day. Our daughter took glee in telling me over and over "you can't learn anything from your father". Started when she was 15, no doubt egged on by the machine Jeff referenced. Well, I learned a whole lot in the business world , and I could have told her you don't torch your boss, HR is management's Praetorian guard, not yours, you don't go to the Inspector General's office with a complaint, and then decide you want a backsee, you don't go walk about for 3 months after a government shutdown ends and expect your job to still be there, you don't seriously think you can sue your boss (the government) for said hiatus, you don't call dad and ask "what should I do" After you've already made irreversible decisions, , you don't run to a shrink for a toxic cocktail of antidepressants and expect your brain to ever be the same, and you don't ignore your mother's every suggestion for how to fix your ongoing depression. Line 3 was "I wish I had made better choices in my life". No shit honey. She did not make bad choices . She insisted on always making the worst possible choices. RIP.

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RunningLogic's avatar

I’m so sorry 😞

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Sharon Beautiful Evening's avatar

I feel your heartache and sad anger, rolandttg!! All I can do is pray for you and your wife to REST IN THE TRUTH OF SCRIPTURE - if you trained up your child(ren) according to Scripture and they decided to rebel and "go their own way" - all you can do is TRUST THE WORD - because it clearly states - the Word does NOT return unto itself void. Your daughter, though rebellious and seemingly "lost" knew the "road to salvation" - praying she walked that road before her last breath!!

((HUGS))

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Deb's avatar

So very sorry for the loss of your dad.

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RunningLogic's avatar

Thank you Deb ❤️

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MOMinator's avatar

RL, I’m so sorry for your loss…my dad died 20years ago this August, and Father’s Day was very tough for a long time. It does get easier 🥹

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RunningLogic's avatar

Thank you ❤️ I know I’m blessed to have had him in my life as long as I did but as you said, it is hard, especially at first when the contrast is so great 😞

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Donna in MO's avatar

So sorry. My dad has been gone almost 10 years and I still miss him, although pictures, stories and memories are still alive. Hoping you have those too and they bring you some comfort.

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RunningLogic's avatar

Thank you Donna ❤️ Yes the pictures and memories help but it’s still hard to deal with their absence 😞 The worst is when you want to share news or see an event you think they’d enjoy attending and for a split second you think about telling them or inviting them. Then you realize you can’t 😞

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Donna in MO's avatar

Sending virtual hugs.

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RunningLogic's avatar

Thank you ❤️

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Mary C Irwin's avatar

❤️

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Dr. Richard Moulton's avatar

In 1973, after having two children, we too were concerned about the "overpopulation" alarms. But, instead of turning to abortion as a solution, we turned to adoption. Over the next several years, we: adopted two Korean infants, had another child, and adopted our two Puerto Rican foster children. So now--instead of being de-populators--we have a multicultural family of seven children. As a painting we have in our home states: "Love comes in many colors." Indeed it does. Happy Father's Day, dads!

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Gemma Star's avatar

It’s wonderful that you adopted.

In your case, it appears to be the silver lining gift of being duped by the depopulation scammers.

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Based Florida Man's avatar

Multi-cultural does not mean better; why do people still push this narrative? Often it makes for a less cohesive family.

It's especially frustrating when you see hollywood types do this (Madonna, Angelina Jolie) where they mix and match non-White kids for some progressive reason.

https://www.hellomagazine.com/healthandbeauty/mother-and-baby/493811/meet-madonnas-six-kids-and-see-how-much-theyve-grown-up/

https://people.com/parents/angelina-jolie-brad-pitt-children/

Meanwhile the White population continues to collapse faster than any other.

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Jeff C's avatar

You are moving into dangerous territory here BFM. What you say is objectively true; families of common backgrounds do tend to be more cohesive and there is no shortage of white kids needing adoption. That being said, perfect is the enemy of good.

In my mind, it all boils down to motivation. If someone is adopting a different race child to draw attention to themselves and virtue signal (as no doubt most of these Hollywood types do) then it's despicable. If someone feels called by God to share their blessing with a child that almost certainly will be worse off if they don't, that's a different story.

But there's often another layer of weirdness on top of all this. Speaker Mike Johnson took legal guardianship of a 14 year old black boy when he was 25. Johnson has given vague answers on the exact date but it was apparently two years before he got married (see edit below). Matt Gaetz has done something similar with a young Cuban immigrant. As a pretty normal guy that grew up lower middle class, this is not typical behavior, it is strange. I don't mean to imply anything untoward, but it does make me wonder if there's a Savior complex at play. Another strange aspect is that those that rise to power always seem to have some aberrational behavior in their past (good or bad) that most of us would never choose to do.

Bottom line though is that society demands we always praise these types of actions, and we are never allowed to openly question them. Doing so is off limits. When people demand that we never question something it almost always makes me question it more. Nothing man does is so above reproach that it cannot be questioned.

Edit: I need to note that Speaker Johnson has stated on one occasion that he took the boy in when he and his wife were newlyweds. Other statements he's made regarding the timeline place it a couple years before he was married. It's not clear exactly when it happened which itself is odd for someone so powerful.

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ViaVeritasVita's avatar

What a thoughtful comment. Thank you. And--but for you, I would never have known that about our Congressional representatives.

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DEBORAH E. dds's avatar

I am for FREE SPEECH. I fear the loss of that freedom. I fear desperately that we are becoming a society in which political correctness is more important than free speech. Free speech is exactly what you find abhorrent to hear. Something you do not agree with. Then once it is said, let the audience decide. Don't shout them down. Don't cancel them and block them. Consider the merits of the argument and respond with Bless you or Hell no..... but freedom of speech is sacred.

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ViaVeritasVita's avatar

Thank you. !!

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Based Florida Man's avatar

The idea that multi-culty families is better is a false narrative.

Here's a great example, where some well meaning Whites adopted a young Black boy, only to have him grow up to call them racists. Here's a mild version of him calling out his parents:

"It's isolating," ...had to navigate as a biracial adoptee being raised by White parents.

"I've had a lot of responses from other transracial adoptees on that front," Kaepernick said."

https://people.com/sports/colin-kaepernick-found-it-hard-to-call-out-adoptive-parents-over-race/

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Jeff C's avatar

I don't argue with that at all. We have been fed a narrative regarding all stuff racial, most of which is a lie. It's been done to destroy the dominant Christian European culture that made the US prosperous until recent decades. Ask yourself who that benefits, and it's not the typical American.

My former pastor had a son who also went into the ministry. Our pastor told us his son and his wife had decided they wouldn't have a biological child when there are so many kids needing adoption. They flew to Korea (they are both white) and adopted a baby. This was presented to us as a noble act of sacrifice, and of course all the congregation applauded and talked about how wonderful it was. It never sat right with me.

The Bible says, "go forth and multiply" along with "care for orphans". It doesn't say forsake having your own kids and instead raise someone else's kids. Yet this was somehow presented as a good thing despite not having any clear biblical basis. He's no longer our pastor as he retired many years ago.

I call these types of people "turn the other cheek" Christians. They have taken a clear teaching from Christ regarding de-escalation (turn the other cheek), and turned it into an ethos of self-inflicted debasement and guilt that we deserve poor treatment. It's like battered wife syndrome. The world plays on this by constantly portraying strong, confident Christianity as a bad thing. We are told that we are collectively guilty for the sins of others, and that Christ expects us to pay a price for that. It's a lie from Hell.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having as many biological kids as one wants regardless of how many orphans there are in the world. Yet this young couple had been brainwashed to think otherwise, egged on by a worldly society that views multiculturalism itself as some sort of Nirvana. It's so great even our families must be multicultural, according to them. There's zero biblical basis for it.

If one feels led by the Holy Spirit to adopt an infant then that's great, I would never criticize someone for doing it with loving intentions (though I may question their psychological mindset if they go out of the way to adopt a different race child). But it doesn't score any brownie points over those that have their own biological children.

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YYR's avatar

I take Kaepernick with a huge grain of salt. He's a loudmouthed race-baiting Marxist agitator.

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K2's avatar

Like!

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BelleTower's avatar

Multi culti families are good when they are good and not good when they are not. Remember that lesbian couple that drive their six adopted children off a cliff in California? That was NOT GOOD. I think the praise of multi culti families often comes from a loathing of (white) traditional families and i think that is what Based was after. My family is multi culti … I have five kids with my Chinese born and raised husband … any fawning over us based on race is a mistake through and through. It is a strength and weakness and one of the least interesting aspects of who we are as a family

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Fla Mom's avatar

My friend who was Director of a prominent adoption society, and who had both biological and (same-race) adopted children of her own said, "There's something about adopted kids." It would be hard to be fully normal when your primary relationships, with your biological mother and father (and unborn babies know their mothers' voices, at least, before birth), have been torn asunder.

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carily myers's avatar

Excellent comment

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ViaVeritasVita's avatar

Thanks for the edit--as I had read your original yesterday, the edit this a.m. I was a newlywed only once, but sure as shooting wouldn't have invited (or accepted) a third person to that party.

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RunningLogic's avatar

How do you even determine who is “white” BFM? I asked you that before and your response was more or less “everyone knows.” Well, my Italian grandfather was referred to as “black” by the mostly Anglo Irish residents of the town where he grew up. So was he? Where does “white” stop and something else begin? How many races are there? What are the criteria to be grouped into one race or another? If you can’t define or qualify it, what does “race” really mean? I have decided I don’t believe in the concept of race anymore. It’s artificial and arbitrary. It’s only used to divide people and to create a hierarchy. I’m not buying into that and allowing this idea to be used to manipulate me.

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Sal_Peenx's avatar

My brilliant 5th grade teacher pointed out to us, his students, the conundrum in using the word "race". He made us see if "human race" is a legitimate meaningful phrase, then how can people be members of different "races"? I prefer the term "people groups".

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TB's avatar

Yep. Similarly, I tend to use "ethnicity" or "ethnic heritage". If anyone ever asks my "race", I intend to tell them just "human"... ;)

Culture is way more significant than ethnic heritage. All ethnicity will do for you is give you a predisposition to certain genetically-based defects!

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Fla Mom's avatar

I just commented that that's the right phrase, before seeing your comment.

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RunningLogic's avatar

And even the people groups are fluid and changeable, not biologically defined or easy to separate out from each other.

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CMCM's avatar

Identifying race is increasingly difficult in the U.S. due to all the intermarriages that have occurred over the past 40 years. Example: Kamala Harris was AG in my state of California. I was vaguely aware of her, didn't pay a lot of attention to be honest. But I can say I never once thought of her as black in any way. California has so many Indians, Sikhs, Hispanics and other people with skin of a gazillion shades, at the most I might have figured she had either Indian or Hispanic in her background. I really didn't give her racial background any thought. When the Democrats started portraying Kamala as black, I was actually surprised because she doesn't look like it in my opinion. And this just shows how stupid all the leftist focus on race is at this point in time in our country. When the movie "Guess Who is Coming to Dinner" came out in 1967, it was a hugely major thing and a controversial topic to portray a white woman bringing home a black man to meet her parents. It's hard to imagine the relative culture shock that movie caused at that particular time. That kind of controversy is laughable today.

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Jamie's avatar

It isn’t clearly defined anymore… Culture is still a vastly different concept.

A traditional Mexican family is indeed very different from a traditional Dominican family culture. (for a very random example).

I would adopt if I could & will, if God ever gives me the opportunity. It would be a child that needed placement- full stop.

Any race or cultural background etc. I wouldn’t particularly care. Kinda like when people having a baby want it to have a specific eye color or hair color- I do not think that’s what having a child is about.

I will say I find it interesting that many don’t know that one of the primary reasons it is so common to find “white” couples (or simply any American) adopting from other countries is because it is very hard to adopt kids in America.

So let’s not assume we know the motives of a family that adopt a child from a different racial, cultural or ethnic background.

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Dawn B's avatar

It is exactly as you say.... an ideology.

Let's just be human.

They pollute us all in every way possible.

God knows and they will be judged.

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RunningLogic's avatar

The big “tell” for me, is that unlike say, a man and a woman, no one can really seem to define these racial categories is a quantifiable way with clear comprehensible criteria. I remember when we were taught about “race” in school and there were only three races. The criteria were things like “a wide nose” (what does that even mean? Wide compared to what? How much wider?) and of course skin color. But those only work up to a point. There are plenty of medium skin tone people who could be placed in more than one category, or in none. It’s something “scientists” made up but that has little relevance to most people’s reality.

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Fla Mom's avatar

The phrase "people group" probably is a better descriptor. Among native black Africans, there is a wide variety of physical characteristics that differentiate them. Once you start mixing between people groups, you're right, there's no real definition that works well. Still, probably most Americans might describe themselves into 'white,' 'black,' 'East Asian,' 'South Asian,' etc. If the government didn't use race as a factor in so many things, its importance would have faded much more than it has.

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RunningLogic's avatar

Ethnicity works just as well. But many people are combinations of ethnicities. And yes, the government using it helps keep the idea front and center. Not necessarily a good thing.

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Based Florida Man's avatar

Some examples might help. Ben Carson, that's a Black fellow.

Donnie Trump, that's a White dude.

etc.

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RunningLogic's avatar

Still not answering my questions. Where is the dividing line? What are the criteria? Why did people call my Italian grandfather black? Would you call him black? Why or why not?

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Emily 🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼's avatar

Rather than race, you might find the cultural lens more useful. My Greek immigrant grandfather was othered by the German immigrants in the Midwest town in 1900’s. He married my Norwegian grandmother who was othered by her Greek in laws. By today’s definitions they’d all be lumped into the “white” group.

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CMCM's avatar

Growing up in the 1950s and 60s, I was enchanted and fascinated by other cultures and other races. I wanted to learn their languages and know about their cultural practices. I was always excited to meet someone from another country and a different culture from my own.

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RunningLogic's avatar

I’ve always been the same and so have many others in my family. I just find it so interesting and enjoy the variety.

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RunningLogic's avatar

Agree but as you mentioned, even that is context dependent and fluid. No truly objective criteria.

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Based Florida Man's avatar

You are never satisfied with the answers. You you are welcome to believe race is only a social structure.

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RunningLogic's avatar

Well how do you know if I am satisfied since you don’t provide any answers? Your previous “answer” didn’t have any direct relationship to the questions I asked.

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Anna T's avatar

In the 1910 U.S. Census, some Mexican Americans in South Texas were noted as "Octoroons" even though their entire families were Mexican.

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RunningLogic's avatar

Interesting! I had to look up Octoroon, I don’t recall ever hearing that term before. I guess the assumption was that since their skin was a bit darker there must have been some “black” in their ancestry? Yet another example of how arbitrary all this is though!

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Fla Mom's avatar

I think they were 1/8th black. I think I learned that word by reading Gone With the Wind or something.

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RunningLogic's avatar

Yes with the Octo part that would make sense. That’s maybe where I heard it, I haven’t read the book in a long time though so couldn’t recall.

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Robin Greer's avatar

Every single person has one of 3 patriarchal DNA types. Shem, Ham, and Japheth. The 3 sons of Noah. So we all go back to Noah in the end. I read about this in one of the articles from the Institute of Creation Research (ICR). I thought that was amazing and incredible that it backs up the biblical historical account that we all came from one of 3 men that survived the flood. There is one race. The human race. The human race has many cultures.

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Jade Dixon's avatar

So what was the original commenter supposed to do with the adopted children? Not adopt a child in need because they don't look like the parents?

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Gemma Star's avatar

The original commenter should have done precisely what he did: embraced and loved his adopted children.

This is hardly an either/or matter.

Love never is. 💕

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Based Florida Man's avatar

He could have done that with White children, are in the fastest disappearing group at only 8% of world population.

And would have had a more cohesive family unit.

Many examples of multi-culty family disasters. A notable one: https://nypost.com/2023/11/03/news/mike-johnsons-adopted-son-michael-t-james-says-hes-thankful-to-the-house-speakers-family-after-troubled-past-is-revealed/

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Jade Dixon's avatar

There is no guarantee that the child in need of a home when you are ready to adopt will have the same skin color as you. If you're not going to accept a child whose needs you can meet based on their skin color, then you have no business being a parent, adoptive or otherwise.

Also, there are issues with adoptive parents being unable to adopt due to marital status or religious beliefs. Back in 2008 some red states restricted adoption to married couples only. More recently, some blue states have refused to allow a church going single mother to adopt a child. Sometimes the only option is to adopt from a country with less restrictive rules, and the child will most likely not be the same race as the parents.

Celebrities can afford to bypass all of these issues and virtue signal with their choice of kids to adopt.

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liz's avatar

agreed. I usually really like BFM comments but these border on racism so I,m kinda disappointed.

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CMCM's avatar

I don't agree at all that BFM's comments are borderline racism. Ideally, mixed marriages and adoption would work perfectly. But you have to consider the times and society in which you live, which is distinctly NOT ideal. Society doesn't usually (yet) have perfect opinions on such things. While a black child being raised in a white family can be loved just as much as a biological child, difficulties will present themselves throughout that child's life. It's not insurmountable, but it's there in myriad ways. Our society still makes it difficult, sadly.

Here's an interesting observation: Many white families adopt black orphans. It seem like rare to almost never that black families adopt white orphans. In fact, fewer black families adopt orphans than do white families. I don't know why that is the case.

As for racism, I spent over 12 years living, working and traveling in various countries. I saw racism in every culture. In Saudi Arabia, they were very skin conscious and what I would deem racist. A great many Saudis are from tribes that are actually as white as I am in terms of skin color. Other tribes are darker, and some tribes of African origin (such as Sudanese) are very black. I learned very quickly that there was a hierarchy of color there and groups were definitely judged by their skin color. Any person (male or female) who married someone of even slightly darker skin color was considered to be marrying down. Capital punishment is common in Saudi Arabia. The executioners who perform beheadings in the public square were black Sudanese in origin. I suspect the white Saudi elites found it distasteful to do such work.

Then there is Thailand. My granddaughter was there for awhile as a teacher. Her Thai co-teachers and friends used to tell her "Wear a hat in the sun or you will start to look like a black person." Lots of obvious racism in that country.

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liz's avatar

yes racism takes many forms, some subtle, some more blatant. in Central America where I live historically darker skinned people were looked down upon while the lighter skinned were more privileged. it gets more complicated in the same family.

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Based Florida Man's avatar

For almost of time, until a few decades ago, interracial marriage (or adoption) was highly scorned. It's hardly a racist subject.

We've been so programmed to accept multi-culty.

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liz's avatar

People need to be left alone to love who they love.

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Jeff C's avatar

Liz - Is BFM standing outside the home of a couple contemplating a different race adoption with a bullhorn condemning them? Is he trying to drive them out of the neighborhood? Off course not. He is simply observing that there is something unusual going on here that would have been unimaginable not that long ago. And the jury is still out about whether or not it's a good thing. There are real world examples that did not work out well, we are allowed to discuss this.

Your definition of "leaving people alone" means that people never face any criticism for decisions they make regardless of whether or not it's good for them, good for the kids they bring into the world, or good for society in general. We are allowed to discuss this stuff, particularly when by just about every objective measure the typical family is in much worse shape than it was seventy years ago.

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Based Florida Man's avatar

You're claiming that adoptive parents should not at all consider the race of the child? So absurd.

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Jade Dixon's avatar

People like you are the reason why I'm grateful to not have had children and why I'll probably never adopt either.

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Based Florida Man's avatar

We're just discussing a controversial topic on the internet.

For almost all of time, until just a few decades ago, society didn't support homosexuals or interracial relationships.

So I'm hardly making an earth shattering point to take a critical view of mixed adoption (or marriage).

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Jade Dixon's avatar

Yeah. You wouldn't want me to exisr or to have children anyway, my boyfriend and I are both of mixed races.

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liz's avatar

I feel you. some of the people on this page are aware on some topics but extremely backwards on others. sending abrazos!

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Based Florida Man's avatar

I'm talking about history.

For nearly all time up to the mid 1900's, mixed race relationships were very rare and not at all mainstream. In less than a generation it's another tradition that has been diluted.

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Based Florida Man's avatar

It's like the many American missionaries who trot to Haiti or Africa at great expense (and danger) and totally bypass the many need people in their own country. Very odd behavior.

When you are adopting you have full control of your decisions. You can take your time to find the best family and reducing 'multi-cultural tension' should be an important consideration.

Note only White people pull this stuff. You almost never see Korean families or Black families adopting outside of their race. But Whites revel in it, to their own demise, ultimately.

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ViaVeritasVita's avatar

Chas. Dickens, in Bleak House, describes a do-gooder woman who thinks globally, but does NOT act locally. Classics are classics for good reason. I am with you, Based Florida Man.

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carily myers's avatar

Agree also

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Fla Mom's avatar

I get your point, but: (a) "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,..." Matthew 28:19, so God said to; also, we have many Christians here, and like the sign I like so much says, as people exit a church parking lot, "You are now entering the mission field." We are all missionaries. (b) because so many American professional women's biological alarm clocks go off when it's too late to have children naturally, the market for white adoptive kids, esp. babies (and it is a market, I'm afraid) is intense, and black families are more likely to be broken, I think, so there are way more non-white children available for adoption even here than there are white children. The two situations I know of with a black child adopted into a white family are highly successful.

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Robin Greer's avatar

My problem is when youth groups and other church groups love to take overseas trips to do "mission work" but have never once shared the gospel in their own city.

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CMCM's avatar

You are so right! There are so many orphans in our own country, and so many kids who are shuttled from foster home to foster home. Why don't people help those in need in our own country first? If a relative was in need, would you not help that person and instead go help someone in another country? A friend of mine finally ended up adopting two sisters from Chile because she and her husband had unsuccessfully tried to adopt here. I understand that completely. But a LOT of people, especially those high profile celebrities out there who appear to just want to virtue signal, "Look t me, look at me, I adopted black orphans from X". They could easily have helped American orphans, white, black or other. But they wanted to virtue signal about how wonderful, open, and not racist they were." Ugh!

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Willing Spirit's avatar

Virtue signaling. Once Anglos make themselves a definite minority, we can see how well we’re treated by other races. We’ll see the true value of all the virtue signaling.

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Based Florida Man's avatar

Yep. South Africa is a good example of the White future.

Europe is on it's way as well.

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Willing Spirit's avatar

Sadly, I think so too.

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liz's avatar

I agree about Missionaries stay home, right up there with use our taxes at home. but Love makes a family and we need to open our hearts more.

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DEBORAH E. dds's avatar

I pray fervently and earnestly for the day when race is no longer even discussed. We are people... all....... under One God.

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RunningLogic's avatar

It’s artificial and arbitrary anyway. Skin color variation is real but grouping people into “races” based on skin color and a few other characteristics is made up. There is no way to really define where one race ends and another begins. No one can seem to define racial characteristics in a clear, quantifiable way. People with the same skin color but different origins are grouped into different races (Arabs, Mediterranean Europeans, some Central and South Americans) and people from the same country with different skin colors are the same race (example: Indians grouped into the Asian race even though their skin tone is as dark as many Africans’ skin and Indians look nothing like other Asians like Koreans or Japanese). Physical characteristics including skin color are on a continuum which makes it quite impossible to clearly delineate any “race.” In my opinion we would all do better not to buy into this myth of race.

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Robin Greer's avatar

Do you remember the book "Radical"? One of the propositions was that every Christian family must adopt foster kids. I knew a woman whose church in AZ "adopted" this policy. She and her husband disagreed that everyone should do this and did not participate and were looked down upon as not being spiritual enough. She said that every couple in the church with maybe one exception divorced after adopting foster kids. Bringing a foster child into your home is far from a cake walk. It is extremely difficult. Even as young as 5 years old these children may be uncontrollable and cause irreparable harm to your own family and if they are older and you have your own children, there can be risk to your biological children. I really dislike the state run ads for adopting teens out of foster care as if all they need is for you to be a new BFF. I'm not opposed to adopting out of foster care, but there are stringent restrictions on discipline and unfortunately there may be extreme behavioral problems with these children. There is a reason that their parents no longer have custody and thus many of these children have suffered from trauma with related behavioral issues that not everyone will be able to handle. If you chose to adopt through this process, please be aware of all the difficulties that lie ahead. While there are difficulties (and some of those can be extreme) with raising your own biological children, there is a multitude of difficulties that arise when adopting out of foster care. Again, if God lays it on a persons heart and through much prayer a decision is made to do this, be prepared for the battles ahead.

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TB's avatar

Had a friend whose mother did foster care. Pretty much every single one of those kids had issues of some kind, often serious. Not to say they shouldn't be cared for, but know what you're getting into.

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Robin Greer's avatar

Exactly.

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My Favorite Things's avatar

Virtue signaling.

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Julie's avatar

And my guess is that you have never regretted any of them!! God bless you!

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Beckadee's avatar

Happy Fathers Day!

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Oh Susanna's avatar

Beautiful story. Please don't let the racist comments get you down, as I'm sure you won't. God bless you for taking in all those children and giving them a family.

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Based Florida Man's avatar

He's the one that identified his children by race, and highlighted the multi-culty aspect as an advantage, when it statistically is NOT an advantage to raising a family.

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BelleTower's avatar

He did not. He referred to them their birth country which I am sure seemed a very relevant fact when he was adopting them and also as he raised them. His decision to adopt and raise children outside his own race (by the way do we know what that is???) is entirely within his own discretion and not at all within yours Based. His choice in no way set back his own race whatever that is.

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My Favorite Things's avatar

Thank you for having the courage to speak your mind.

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Peace's avatar

Your original comment to the commenter was lacking in empathy and almost took my breath away. I usually am spot on with your comments, but this one was a shocker. If it had been made as a separate comment, it would've not come across as so heartless. I'm hoping this was a one-off, BFM!

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Willing Spirit's avatar

Statistical knowledge has about gone the way of common sense and logic.

Feelings are all that matter for far too many.

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Fred Jewett's avatar

You and your wife did a great kindness. Don't worry about overpopulation. Population has doubled since 1973. Forecasts show world population peaking around 2065 and then decreasing. Max population expected to be about 12 billion (3 times 1973 population). For more see my posting way down below in this comments section (I was late reading today).

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liz's avatar

the WEF unleashed Covid and whatever new devilishness they can concoct in their labs to take care of over population. also many of those who took the jab will be affected reproductively. Same with "trans" many of whom will never have children, nor even orgasms. poor things.

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Jason A Clark's avatar

TRUETT (9-years-old): I love you, Dad.

JASON: I love you more!

TRUETT: No, I love you more!

JASON: Wrong! I love you more!

TRUETT: I love you so much I'm having an argument about how much I love you.

JASON: I love you so much I'm WINNING an argument about how much I love you!

TRUETT:

JASON:

TRUETT: If you really loved me more you'd let me win the argument.

I love being a dad. Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there losing arguments with their kids.

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MOMinator's avatar

Ahhh Jason, this really makes me laugh and remember how much fun our sons were at 9! They’re still great fun at 25 & 2

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MOMinator's avatar

Oops …still fun at 25 & 28 😍

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Help Needed in KS's avatar

Yeah....25 and 2? I wondered about that. Happy Father's Day.

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MOMinator's avatar

LOL! Right? My fingers couldn’t correct that one fast enough! 😂🤣

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Jason A Clark's avatar

There hasn't been an age that I didn't love them for different reasons!

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ViaVeritasVita's avatar

My eldest, now 45, when still in a crib, on good-night rituals, had to tell us 'how many lots I love you"---and assigned a number to those lots. (as in, I love you lots)

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Jason A Clark's avatar

Oh man, the good night rituals! So much fun... even though I didn't always realize it at the time.

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RJ Rambler's avatar

❤️❤️

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RunningLogic's avatar

😆😁

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carily myers's avatar

lol

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Margaret Anna Alice's avatar

Thank you for exposing the orchestrated destruction of the family unit by the philanthropathic depopulationists. Removing the stabilizing force of the father has yielded the very catastrophic consequences that strategy was engineered to produce, and I agree it’s time to give fathers the respect they are due.

Wishing you a well-deserved happy Father’s Day, Jeff! Your children are exceptionally blessed to have you as a dad.

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Jpeach's avatar

Happy Father’s Day! Team Humanity needs good Dads.

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Dave aka Geezermann's avatar

Well said.

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banjocat's avatar

^^like, like, like ;)

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D&R’s Gma's avatar

My own father took a 4 year break when I was a teen. No clue where he was. It was the late 70’s and he was having me time I suppose. I was by his side when he passed as I was raised by a woman who gave me an incredible moral compass so may he rest in peace. My step father is an amazing dad who entered my life when I was 16. His daughter and I set them up on a blind date roller skating and here I am a Gma all these years later still enjoying being his daughter. Thank God for all dads as they come in all forms. I can’t wait to call him today just to hear his voice and laugh along with him as his adult grands and little greats talk over each other trying to shout “Happy Father’s Day GG” the loudest. I will forever be grateful for the man who “chose” to be my dad even when I was a rotten teenager full of “dad” doubt! I Love You Gene! God bless the DADS! 🥰

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CMCM's avatar

My mother was born in 1921 and when she was less than 6 months old, her father just disappeared. My grandmother divorced him for desertion, and supposedly his own family didn't know where he had gone. His family pretended my mother didn't exist, which was horrible for her as she didn't understand why. In elementary school, she was judged negatively for being the daughter of a divorced woman and because she had no father. Her mother took her to live with her wonderful, loving grandparents on their farm, although her mother was often living elsewhere working as first a teacher, later as postmistress, doing what she could to earn a living. My mother at least had the stability of loving grandparents and a home, but that doesn't replace a missing father. My mother deeply loved her grandfather in particular, but she always felt the lack of a father throughout her life and that missing element affected a lot about how she lived her life, her insecurity about herself in particular. She married my Air Force father in 1944 after knowing him only 3 months. He was a good, strong man and to some extent I think she was drawn to him because she never had a father and he represented what she thought her father should have been. He always took care of her beautifully and was a wonderful father. He died of cancer in 1989, and I still miss him deeply.

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Mark Oshinskie's avatar

If my kids, and other kids, had listened to their fathers who told them Covid was a scam that they should protest against and that they shouldn't take the shots, we'd all have been much better off.

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ViaVeritasVita's avatar

If our eldest daughter--off in UK--had listened to her father--she might not have taken the AZ. Or at least, could have looked into it. I suspect strongly that instead, she attended to advice of her local parents-in-law. A father-in-law cannot love a girl as her own father does.

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Brandon is not your bro's avatar

Happy Father’s Day Mark

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Deb's avatar

happy fathers day Jeff! thank you for all you do. God Bless you and your family.

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NAB's avatar

AMEN, Jeff!

On a personal note, my own father petitioned the court when I was 5 to relinquish his parental rights. The effect of such abandonment is hard to describe. Fortunately, I married a man who has not only embraced fatherhood, but redeemed the institution and my understanding of it, while also exemplifying the love of our Eternal Father - faithful and true. I take the attack on earthly fatherhood personally. I add my voice to your exhortation: Fathers, be not afraid!

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Julie's avatar

God bless your husband!!

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John Galt (MAHA/MAGA)'s avatar

I miss my dad. He was imperfect, just like me. He had a bad temper that only got worse when he drank. But at the end, he was there in the nursing home holding mom’s hand. Alzheimer’s impacted them both, but they still had one another. If nothing else, I hope to finish the race with my character intact.

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Suzabelle's avatar

Happy Father’s Day, Jeff, and thanks for standing up for Dads and for being an inspiration to men who, in spite of every discouragement, still want to be fathers. May God bless all of you.

My father died when I was an infant, and I don’t remember him. I grew up with his father, my paternal grandfather, in the same house. He was the kindest of men to me and my sisters, and we adored him. Almost every picture I have of him has one of us glued to his side, the best place in the world as far as we were concerned. We behaved ourselves as well as we were able, and tried always to do better - not because we were afraid of any punishment, but because we didn’t want to disappoint him. If we were the cause of so much as a shadow crossing his face, it broke our hearts. We wanted to deserve him. He showered us with love, and we cherished him. Not a day goes by that we don’t miss his gentle heart and tenderness.

My sisters grew up and married two brothers. Their father became Dad to all of us, and he treated us as his own beloved children. To everyone in the family, he was “Dad” or “Grandpop”. His door and his heart were always open to all of us, and he never failed to do everything in his power to fix whatever broken thing we brought to him - whether it was a broken toy, a broken heart, or a broken life. He made it all better. None of us could envision ever being without him, but we’ve been so now for many years. Yet, both these fathers whom I loved so much are never out of my thoughts or my heart.

To every father on Father’s Day, I’d offer the same message: there is nothing you could do in this life that would matter more, that would echo longer, than being a good Dad to your children - whether they are your biological kids or not. That’s how you get into heaven, which is where I hope one day to be again held in my grandfather’s and my Dad’s loving arms. Thank you, fathers, with all my heart.

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RunningLogic's avatar

Wonderful post ❤️

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K2's avatar

Like!

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carily myers's avatar

Wow, excellent comment. I'd heart emoji it but I'm on a laptop, lol

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Mary H.'s avatar

❤️

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Dave aka Geezermann's avatar

Well done Jeff. The dark forces have been at war, with not only Fathers, but the nuclear family. Because that is the ordained plan, instituted by our Heavenly Father.

My son is 45. I haven't seen him in 20 years. I had to forgive his mother a long time ago for the things she did. I may be a Grandfather. I'll probably never know.

But let's celebrate Fatherhood, and the examples set by so many good Fathers.

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ViaVeritasVita's avatar

My prayers for you, Geezerman.

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Curtis's avatar

I know that pain. 💔

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HHM's avatar

Perfection is now the standard for men/dads. Clearly the enemy is at work.

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Robin Greer's avatar

So much pain. I'm seeing this more and more often. So sad 😞.

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Uncle Juan's avatar

God bless the fathers here!!

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MOMinator's avatar

Happy Father’s Day to Jeff and all C&C dads!! ❤️

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